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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel like a shit mum because

46 replies

TheOrchardKeeper · 18/12/2013 13:21

I keep snapping at DS? Blush

I had all the patience in the world when he was a difficult baby but now he's just turned 3 and well aware when he's misbehaving I keep losing my cool. Especially as I'm housebound with a sprained ankle (am an lone parent) this week and he's driving me up the wall. It gets easier doesn't it? This is just a difficult age isn't it? He was such an easy going toddler for a year and a bit.

It's lovely a lot of the time and I have lots of strategies to use etc but I just see red sometimes

I tell him I love him daily, we hug and do a lot together but it just gets so intense sometimes, especially when I'm stuck in with this V.painful foot.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 18/12/2013 13:22

excuse the off grammar....we're not sleeping very well as he has his millionth cold of the winter Xmas Hmm

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HopAlongOnItsOnlyChristmas · 18/12/2013 13:23

It's because you're stuck in the house. My toddler turns into a demon unless we get out of the house daily. Much sympathy, you're not a shit mum.

Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 18/12/2013 13:25

I can't tell if he's suddenly gotten worse or if it's because he's just bored and winding me up because it's something to do Xmas Hmm Xmas Grin

He normally goes to nursery 3 days a week then we go out all the other days but we've been indoors for 3 days now...

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EirikurNoromaour · 18/12/2013 13:26

Yes it gets easier, then harder, then easier...DS goes in phases with his behaviour and sometimes I just want to put him in the bin. Iirc 2 3/4 to 3 was hard, then we had a horrible phase last spring at 4 3/4. I have felt like the worst parent in the world, like I was totally failing. I have shouted, screamed, cried and even smacked. To see him now you would not believe it. And I'm sure we will be there again! Parenting, especially alone, is hard.

quesadilla · 18/12/2013 13:30

I'm with you on that. I am finding nearly 3 to be a hundred times more difficult that the so-called "terrible twos."

Worse at this age, IMO because they know how to yank your chain and deliberately set out to do it as opposed to just being.

Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 18/12/2013 13:32

I am dying for a few hours to keep my foot up/ice it without having to keep limping around on it to do things/keep on top of the housework (i'm doing the bare minimum but even that is pretty hard work with this bloody golf ball ankle). And he's just dropped his remaining nap so is grouchy as hell in the afternoon. I just feel like lying down and tantrumming with him atm!

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Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 18/12/2013 13:33

Same here quesadilla

I wondered what the terrible twos was all about until recently. Serves me right! Grin

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Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 18/12/2013 13:38

I swear most of the mum's from DS's nursery are more 'on top of it' than me though. Although maybe they're improvising half the time too!

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darjeelingdarling · 18/12/2013 13:41

I think the fact you are worrying about being a shit mum under all those circumstances proves you aren't. big hugs Wine Brew Thanks Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine

Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 18/12/2013 13:46

Thank you. I just can't tell sometimes. He's so much better if we've been for a walk/to the park/town but it's just not an option. His dad is having him for 1 night this saturday so I'll get a break then at least. I worry that he's getting older now and don't want him to think of me as 'the shouty mum' etc.

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fifi669 · 18/12/2013 13:51

My DS has just turned 3 and drives me mental. I think without DP to take over I would be in a loony bin. You're not alone! There's loads of us pulling out our hair over our toddlers

BrainLikeASeive · 18/12/2013 13:52

Yup. Thinking 'I could do better' means you're doing just fine.

My nearly-3 twins are a funking nightmare!
No nursery and an 8 month old baby make for fun fun fun.
No close relatives and no way of getting out...
Cos the little buggers run off in different directions.

I yell more than id like but have discovered the Orange Rhino. Check her out.

kelper · 18/12/2013 13:55

the orchard keeper what you don't see is the other mums at nursery struggling of an evening/weekend ;)
I reckon it's because you've been indoors for 3 days. Do you have a garden?mcan you let him out to roar around for a bit? Hugs to you, it's horrible when they're being toads and you get stressed at the littlest thing. Mine is nearly 6 and still behaves like a toddler occasionally :-/

BrainLikeASeive · 18/12/2013 13:55

Dont let other mums fool you. Everyone looks cool, calm & happy but I bet you theyre depending on wine o clock like the rest of us

TheNightIsDark · 18/12/2013 13:56

Where are you OP? If you are near me I could help you with nursery drop off/pick up if it helps you get some peace rest?

TheNightIsDark · 18/12/2013 13:56

Sorry, just to clarify I'm not a nutter, I've just been where you are and it sucks.

neunundneunzigluftballons · 18/12/2013 13:58

Generally my experience of Mumsnet is that it is not a breeding ground for shit mums. I realise this is quite a sweeping statement but I think you find that women on here are looking for ways that they can parent better. The shit parents don't bother considering that snapping might not be the best strategy and looking for help from others to find a better way. In summary you are not a shit parent and 3 year olds can be really annoying Grin hopefully someone will have some answers gor dealing with him.

gimcrack · 18/12/2013 14:08

Sometimes kids go through stages of being really annoying. The key moment is when you realise that this is happening, and your method of correcting the behaviour isn't working. In my case it was my DS not doing as he was told, and me yelling. Adopting either a warning then punishment (taking away favourite toy for a set period or no telly), or naughty step. And stickers for doing what I wanted, such as getting ready promptly.

You then have a happy few months before a new annoying behaviour trait kicks in...

Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 18/12/2013 14:51

Thank you for the replies. Am feeling a little less rubbish after posting.

(I'm in west berkshire).

I have a BF of 1yr (not DS's dad) who does help when he's here but we don't live together and he works funny hours so can't help with nursery drop off/pick up IYSWIM. It's been a rough few months anyway (was in hospital a month or so ago) and am just trying to get back on me feet. But my foot gave in Grin Xmas Hmm

And MN has given me a few tips before (like locking myself away for five minutes or leaving the room to do something else when DS is playing up). I don't know how I managed before I found it!

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Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 18/12/2013 14:53

(And hope I don't sound really self-pitying. I'm in awe of anyone with more than one toddler tbh! I only have the one and that's stressful enough...especially as he's a runaway with no fear of anything other than bedtime )

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JugglingUnwiselyWithBaubles · 18/12/2013 15:02

We had the terrible three's with dd (rather than the two's) Orchard.
Sorry to hear about your sprained ankle too, and not being able to get out.
I always hated being stuck in with the DC for a whole day - both they and I really need to get out somewhere. I can just about do a staying in day now that they're teenagers and don't get up til mid-day anyway Xmas Smile

darjeelingdarling · 18/12/2013 15:03

a good friend said she likes another mum a lot as she's one of the few that admit in their area that she's like a duck paddling furiously under the water. not many mums admit to that.

I also know that my friend is dealing with an extremely ill dh with bipolar who isn't able to recognise that he is also abusive (ea), hiding behind his illness. (his phych confirmed this to her - that he's ea behaviour was not his illness). her daughter has a physical disability too and so lots of hospital appts etc. people say to her that she is ALWAYS so happy and breezy. none of them know about her dh, who is a 'professional'. my friend says it's the only way she can cope - being happy around others is her only enjoyment, aside her lovely children.

all I mean is that what we see in others is not always the whole truth Thanks

TheNightIsDark · 18/12/2013 15:45

Hmm I'm in Northamptonshire so can't realistically help I'm afraid.

Gangie · 18/12/2013 15:50

Thinking the same this week. I have pnd so getting out is very important but the weather has been so rubbish we can't even go for a walk and My oh is working 8-8 so gone before we get up and not home till nearly 9pm Shock we live in the country so have no one near to call too. It's very difficult!! I have 3yr old & 10mth old and feel like a crap mother for getting stressed.

D0G · 18/12/2013 16:07

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.