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AIBU?

to feel like a shit mum because

46 replies

TheOrchardKeeper · 18/12/2013 13:21

I keep snapping at DS?

I had all the patience in the world when he was a difficult baby but now he's just turned 3 and well aware when he's misbehaving I keep losing my cool. Especially as I'm housebound with a sprained ankle (am an lone parent) this week and he's driving me up the wall. It gets easier doesn't it? This is just a difficult age isn't it? He was such an easy going toddler for a year and a bit.

It's lovely a lot of the time and I have lots of strategies to use etc but I just see red sometimes

I tell him I love him daily, we hug and do a lot together but it just gets so intense sometimes, especially when I'm stuck in with this V.painful foot.

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Report

FrenchLimeBlossom · 18/12/2013 17:39

I could have written your post OP, I have a 3 yr old DS and a 6 month DS and it's so tiring. I often feel the worst shouty mum ever even though We do lots of fun things I only remember the moments he pushes me to snap or (like today) we are glued to the Disney movies channel all day (DS2 is ill and not feeding so I am having to syringe feed 10ml at a time which limits our activities somewhat! )

I agree that getting outdoors makes a difference, or setting an objective of one task to achieve per day even if only one lot of laundry, one set of baking, one session of story telling, one new game etc.

Home made pizza for supper and a walk to the library earlier, those were today's tasks. Trying to get DS2 to take some milk - that's the other one. Not so good........

I do agree with pp that if you're questioning yourself you probably are doing a good job - we are all too hard on ourselves. Good enough mum is good enough - no one is perfect!

TheOrchardKeeper · 18/12/2013 18:10

Glad it's not just DS that's had a belated terrible twos!

And I love that analogy Darjeeling' . That's how I feel all the time. Sorry to hear about your friend. Sounds so stressfull.

DS was born with clubfoot and wears a brace nightly but keeps taking it off without me realizing and i'm scared as hell that he'll relapse. I keep checking everytime I wake up to pee etc but he still misses the odd night of brace-wearing here and there. I'd feel guilty as hell if he had to have another tendenectomy etc. And the appointments are in southamptpon which is 2 trains and a bus away from where I am but nevermind.

I usually juggle it all much better really.

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TheOrchardKeeper · 18/12/2013 18:12

And thank you for the offer anyway night

He goes to his dad's for one night a fortnight.

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LucilleBluth · 18/12/2013 18:14

I just started a thread in chat about my demon 3yo. 3 is turning out to be hard work, chin up OP.

TheOrchardKeeper · 18/12/2013 18:19

Hope it gets easier for you Lucille'

This parenting lark is a little bumpy in places!

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darjeelingdarling · 20/12/2013 19:34

oh orchard big hugs. even the best juggler drops their balls sometimes! try not to be so hard on yourself - you are literally doing your very best, on your own, and all we can do as mums is be good enough - not perfect, though I suspect you probably are!

Andrewofgg · 20/12/2013 20:11

Three does rejoin the human species, soon, I promise you. Teen takes longer, you have been warned.

loveolives · 20/12/2013 20:12

I have a 3 year old boy and I completely understand and empathise with what you are going through.

JugglingUnwiselyWithBaubles · 20/12/2013 20:15

HaHa Andrew - mine are just coming into early teens (I may not be laughing for long!)

TheOrchardKeeper · 21/12/2013 19:01

Thanks for the replies. My foot is much better but we now have stonking colds. His dad returned him after a few hours earlier (instead of overnight) saying he was too ill to have

What does he think I bloody do when he's ill? Pass him off to someone else...oh wait, there is no one else...and he's my responsibility anyway so I wouldn't (if it was the other way around).

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PeriodFeatures · 21/12/2013 19:37

Its hard isnt it? having loads to do and no help and a little person with bags of needs. I've been stressed to hell today and felt on the end of tether at times with DD. I feel really guilty, like i should be more tolerant. I'm not snappy, just gritting teeth. I think it's the need of a break. But hey. It's fricking wine o clock brain!

TheOrchardKeeper · 21/12/2013 19:45

amen!

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darjeelingdarling · 23/12/2013 20:18

hey op - hope you're feeling better?

saw this and thought of you!

darjeelingdarling · 23/12/2013 20:18

www.phdinparenting.com/blog/2010/5/4/age-three-defiance-with-a-smirk.html

ProjectGainsborough · 23/12/2013 20:28

Been there, feel your pain. Just remember, one day they go to school

For six hours a day!

TheOrchardKeeper · 27/12/2013 08:38

Thank you.

Feeling a bit better. I re-read a very good parenting book I'd stashed away and have ben trying to make sure I praise a little more and always follow through on discipline etc which has made things a little easier. He's lovely natured a lot of the time. Just very lively and defiant for the sake of it sometimes (like all toddler though!) and I'd gotten a bit lax out of tiredness/crappiness which made the hard bits worse.

Hope you've all had a good christmas!

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TheOrchardKeeper · 27/12/2013 08:42

That link is brilliant by the way. Thank you!!

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JugglingUnwiselyWithBaubles · 27/12/2013 10:00

Sounds good Orchard, good luck in 2014

Remember they are only 3 for a year. And they are still very small people much as they'd like to convince you otherwise!

glammanana · 27/12/2013 11:22

So glad to read things are a wee bit easier for you Orchard,your little man must have been missing his Nursery Class and been all super excited about Christmas with the run up to it so being indoors for a few days would not help his energy levels at all and everything looks 10 times worse when we are unwell ourselves,I can remember one year when my OH was away on a posting over Christmas when myself and the 3DCs all came down with flu and every other complaint you could think off and we where all snuggled into a double bed for 6 days until my mum could arrive and rescue me but it passes and you forget about it. take care and don't stress.

BertieBowtiesAreCool · 27/12/2013 12:14

I felt like that when DS was 3. And 4. It's getting better now he's 5!

I wish I had been more consistent from the start about things like hitting. I kept thinking he'd grow out of it and trying to deal with the anger, I didn't think about trying to deal with both.

ilovecolinfirth · 27/12/2013 15:35

I used to look enviously at people with their 'perfect' children whilst my tiny tear away tested my patience at every opportunity. And then it changed. I don't know when, but now as a 4 year old I ADORE his company so much! It won't last, he'll go through other awkward stages but what I'm saying is it doesn't last forever. Be firm with him, set your expectations, but sometimes selectively ignore his behaviour. Don't be too harsh on yourself.

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