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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish long distance friends would write a few lines in their Christmas cards and not just 'happy Christmas from xxx'

31 replies

mashyup · 18/12/2013 13:12

I know everyone is busy but if you're going to go to the bother of sending a card from Australia or even that London, then why not write a couple of sentences to say how you are.I get disappointed by this every year..open the card and just their names in it . Although a round robin would be worse I suppose

OP posts:
quesadilla · 18/12/2013 13:16

In fairness people can't win this one. For everyone like you there are at least 2 of those people who are phobic about long stories about how little Johnny's exams went etc. difficult to please everyone.

Original poster
mashyup · 18/12/2013 13:25

I know, & I wouldn't expect a long letter or anything but I put a few lines in cards to people I don't see anymore ..old school and uni friends etc and I know its hard to pitch it right but I still get fed up to get these cards with nothing in, seemsa waste of time somehow.

OP posts:
quesadilla · 18/12/2013 13:27

I know what you mean. Personally I would save that for email, easier and more space and doesn't need to have the arbitrary link to Xmas.

Scholes34 · 18/12/2013 13:30

I'm with you on this one OP. Without a few lines, it's just a confirmation that they're still alive.

ElizabethBathory · 18/12/2013 13:31

You're right OP. It's lovely having a few extra words in there. However, I can't complain, because every year I intend to write more but get bored by the third card and just put in the basics Hmm

Original poster
mashyup · 18/12/2013 13:34

Thankyou.I think some of these friends are pre email (im old) so maybe I need to make more effort in the year, Christmas has always seemed like a good opportuniy to catch up though.

OP posts:
poncedeleon · 18/12/2013 14:24

Hmm, I do know what you mean. However, when you are abroad and you make sure you get your cards sent early and pay all the international postage on them, just to find that half your old UK friends didn't send cards at all because they "couldn't be bothered/didn't get round to it", you don't particularly feel like writing them all a little note in your cards the following year.
[Bitter, not me Grin]

AdventColander · 18/12/2013 15:42

Yes its nice when people take the triuble to write, even if its a round robin, i dont mind round robins at all, i think it's a waste of postage if you just sign your name.

LittleBabySqueakSqueak · 18/12/2013 17:13

I wish I had time. I usually do, but this year had to churn them out quick while the baby slept. She doesn't sleep much. Normal service will be resumed next year.

SatinSandals · 18/12/2013 17:29

That is why I like the round robin, a much better solution.

ComposHat · 18/12/2013 22:32

Be careful what you wish for..

I'd rather distant relatives let me off with a 'happy christmas' rather than a card filled with 'little Jonny has got grade 4 on the Kazoo and Annie won her first gymkhana' bollocks.

BigBirthdayGloom · 18/12/2013 22:36

Or the round robin of woe that we get from bil and sil.

SuckItAndSee · 18/12/2013 22:37

this is an interesting take - the idea that "little and often contact" is better for maintaining friendships

SatinSandals · 18/12/2013 22:48

I find that once a year at Christmas works fine as long as you get news with the card. Many times I have then picked up with the friend when circumstances change. I don't expect individual letters, no one has the time . There is nothing wrong with the round robin, the fault lies with the people who write them. If you get boastful ones or all doom and gloom then they are not friends in the first place,and you can stop he contact.

LimeLeaafLizard · 18/12/2013 22:49

I like cards with just a simple 'Merry Christmas'.
I like ones with a longer message.
I like ones with a Round Robin.
I like ones with a photo of their children.
I feel happy for them if their kid has done well at violin / passed the 11+.
I feel sad for them if they've had a difficult year.
I don't take any offence at all if someone doesn't send me a card.

daisychain01 · 18/12/2013 22:59

Aw mashyup tell you what, give me your address and I'll send you a few paragraphs about what I've been up to Grin

I feel exactly the same way and always appreciate getting a few well chosen words to tell me how things are, rather than just Merry Christmas. Seems a waste of a stamp really, doesnt it.

I have to admit I cant stand those round-robins, ughhh they drive me mad.

Years ago, we met a bloke in a pub and for some reason, he took a shine to us and said "give us your address so I can send you a Christmas card". For about 6 years we used to get a card with a photo of him on the front, one year he was posing in front of his huge mansion, another it was him with his 10 vintage Rolls Royce collection, then it was his pedigree boxer. Each year it included a more braggy boasty round robin detailed account of his year. We felt obliged to reciprocate with a few lines about our boring life by comparison "decorated our kitchen in the Spring" "I won £1.50 in the Village craft fair cross-stitch category" hoping he would get fed up. He finally wrote announcing he would be ceasing future Christmas cards because he found it was getting expensive sending them to 150 people each year (probably other mugs people like us he met down the pub).

Pootlingalong · 18/12/2013 23:01

Great post there from LLL Smile

VonHerrBurton · 18/12/2013 23:13

Im with you op. My (lovely, sweet, don't see bad in anyone) parents made friends with a couple from Scotland whilst on holiday probably 20 years ago.

They receive a card and round robin yearly. The card doesn't even have a 'Dear Vons Parents' - its just signed 'Stealth & Boaster'...

The round robin is indeed something to behold, we are all desperate for it to arrive. Its so utterly snobby, boasty and up their own arseholes that its hilarious.

Eastpoint · 19/12/2013 04:20

I have been writing letters in our Christmas cards, it's been taking ages. I know that people like my grandmother's cousin or my godmother want to know what we have been doing - one of the cards we received said 'we miss hearing about you & the children from xxx'. I don't put updates in people who use email or facebook's cards.

Robfordscrack · 19/12/2013 04:26

perhaps they have 50 friends that are far away and don't want to spend a week doing it? Why don't you ring them and ask how they are?

Itsallabout · 19/12/2013 05:55

I live overseas and send Christmas to friends in the Uk. I have been known to do a rr letter ( I couldn't careless what people think). I have also wrote a few lines inside and given myself serious arm ache doing it 50 times.

I often don't get cards back and I never get a few lines back from them telling me they are Ok so next year I don't think I can be arsed to send any, so there.

SatinSandals · 19/12/2013 07:56

I agree with LLL, people make such a huge fuss about these things. If you don't want it simply pick up the phone and say 'I thought we could have a chat and not do cards'. I have agreed to do it with quite a few as I resent paying the huge postage. They were all pleased- someone needs to take the initiative rather than moan on MN. The same threads have been here since it started and will be on her next year, the year after and so on!

AcheyFanny · 19/12/2013 11:55

I am abroad and all my family and friends are in UK. It's pot luck that my cards will even get there and TBH I really can't be bothered to write an essay in each and every card.

Original poster
mashyup · 19/12/2013 15:05

Thank you daisychain! I didn't mean to moan really. I don't expect a letter from everyone. I just get excited to get a letter from Australia and then disappointed to open it to find 5 words inside. Don't get many written letters these days. I prob hate round robins for the same reason - not personal to me. I'm obviously just very needy!

OP posts:
Original poster
mashyup · 19/12/2013 15:06

Thank you daisychain! I didn't mean to moan really. I don't expect a letter from everyone. I just get excited to get a letter from Australia and then disappointed to open it to find 5 words inside. Don't get many written letters these days. I prob hate round robins for the same reason - not personal to me. I'm obviously just very needy!

OP posts: