Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To not want people to know we met online

120 replies

Laila362 · 18/12/2013 13:04

I have never been ashamed about anything in my life or anything about me until I met my partner online. Even with people who openly have told me they met their partner online I just cannot admit that's where I met my partner and I end up lying that we met at work as we work with partner companies but I don't elaborate. When out with my partner he says the truth and is my embarrassed at all. Obviously I have to tell the truth to our friend as my partner has told them it's just people who will never meet and also my family. I just find it terribly embarrassing as I would think bad of a girl who was looking for love online. It screams desperation and loneliness and that you can't find anyone else normally. For me I had plenty of men who like led me I just moved to a new city and did online dating as I knew no one. It is normal that I don't like to admit how we met?

OP posts:

Branleuse · 18/12/2013 14:25

OL is the new RL

Polyethyl · 18/12/2013 14:29

A friend went to a wedding. She was the only single person at a table full of smug marrieds. As a conversation starter she asked them all how they had met a d got a variety of answers.... through work, through hobby, at party.
The evening wore on and wine started to loosen tongues. One by one the couples discreetly admitted to my friend that actually they had met through on line dating.
My friend was both upset that everyone had lied to her (at a social function which was highlighting her single status and making her feel lonely) and baffled that they were all ashamed of having used dating websites.
I'm delighted to report that my friend is now happily engaged to a chap she met through friends.

Beeyump · 18/12/2013 14:29

Laila362 I just wanted to say that I feel the same. It is not a judgement of others who have met their partners/friends online, just my own issues! I met my boyfriend on a silly chat forum thing when I was in the midst of alcoholism - I do not want to tell people this, despite the fact that it amazingly worked out ok for us and we are very much in love (cringe). When people ask how we met, I lie. I wish I didn't.

BocaDeTrucha · 18/12/2013 14:32

YANBU and have the same attitude as many people of my parents' generation. I met my dp on an online dating site and we now have a 3 month old ds. I have no problem telling anyone who asks how we met and all my family know. He is reluctant to tell his parents as they are much more traditional than mine and he doesn't think they would approve.

Your attituded belong in the ark. And it's really only an attitude found amongst older people who are out of touch with the online world. Most teenagers today conduct half their life online and have loads of ol friends so for each generation below us, this is more and more a totally normal part of life. Stop being so judgemental and start being proud of your relationship.

Beeyump · 18/12/2013 14:34

I was the definition of desperate and lonely at that point by the way -can't get much more lonely than an alcoholic teenager - but I don't think that of others who have met online. In that respect, I find your opinion sweeping.

benid · 18/12/2013 14:35

Er. and why do you care what other people think, so much that you need to lie about stuff that you've done?

Beeyump · 18/12/2013 14:44

I care far too much about what other people think.

cantbelievemyeyes · 18/12/2013 14:45

YABU. Interesting that your partner tells the truth about how you met. Does he know how ashamed you are of meeting him in this way? If my husband (who I met on Match.com) felt as you did I think I'd feel quite hurt.

You're making a big deal out of this where there is no need. Sadly there probably is a minority of people who would think badly of you/ think you were desperate and lonely- you and your father prove that unfortunately. But most people don't give a shit. So it's up to you- spend the rest of your life telling lies to cover up your shame and feeling sorry for yourself. Or stop wasting energy on such a pointless (non) issue and get on with appreciating what you have.

BocaDeTrucha · 18/12/2013 14:49

ThistletoeAndWine · 18/12/2013 14:50

How dare you say people are desperate to use online dating as a form of finding a partner!! U need to get your judgy knickers out your bottom and get real!!

Online chatting:dating is the way of the world these days! It happens! Doesn't mean people are
Embarrassed or desperate it means they are doing what they want in their lives!

You were once "desperate" enough!!!

Original poster

Laila362 · 18/12/2013 14:51

Thanks for the replies. I didn't expect to get so many. I guess I'm just abnormal but I still won't be admitting how we met!

OP posts:

BocaDeTrucha · 18/12/2013 14:53

Oooops meant to say yabvvvvu.

MrsCakesPremonition · 18/12/2013 14:53

Have you read any of the replies?
Do you want to change how you feel?

Beeyump · 18/12/2013 14:54

This thread has actually helped me and my attitude a bit, so thanks for that!

BocaDeTrucha · 18/12/2013 14:55

What's the point in asking AIBU then????

ThistletoeAndWine · 18/12/2013 14:55

Why post in aibu if ur not willing to consider you potentially are wrong!!!

ElizabethBathory · 18/12/2013 14:56

Don't you feel a bit bad for your DP, that you're ashamed of how you met him and have to lie about it?!

Original poster

Laila362 · 18/12/2013 14:56

Yes I would love to change. I met my previous boyfriend on a night out. I was so drunk he had to take me home in a taxi. I didn't mind telling people we met clubbing! I find admitting I met online far worse and yet my dp has no issue with telling ppl and how I would love to me able to tell ppl the truth. I guess I don't really like to broadcast the fact I was looking for love at all. There is something g unappealing about that.

OP posts:

meeeemo · 18/12/2013 14:56

yanbu! I met my dh online but felt funny telling people for the same reasons as you. friends and family know but I mostly tell people I dont know well that we met in the pub!

ThistletoeAndWine · 18/12/2013 14:57

Well your partner must be thrilled
To know your ashamed of
How u met. U sound delightful!!!

chipshop · 18/12/2013 14:58

There's no stigma attached to it anymore, half the people I know met online. My friend found her new man on Twitter. It's normal!

Original poster

Laila362 · 18/12/2013 15:01

Memo I'm glad I'm not the only one. A lot of ppl must lie as you don't hear about many ppl who met online and yet a lot do. It's not as bad for men to do it but it's embarrassing for a women. Don't know why.

OP posts:

DolomitesDonkey · 18/12/2013 15:03

Oh, a friend of mine did online dating. Bagged himself a BILLIONAIRE. Old school billionaire - a la Rothschild. They're married now.

CarolsFromPoopMinster · 18/12/2013 15:04

I met DH at uni through mutual friends, a friend met her DH at a wedding (seated together) and another friend met her DH online. As far as I'm concerned we all met in a "set up" scenario, the wedding one being the most old-fashioned and online the most modern, but one isn't "better" than the other.

It's all just a way to be introduced to people, then it's all about chemistry...and that is not guaranteed between any 2 people, so to have it regardless of how you meet is always something special. That's why I consider all 3 stories to be romantic, not because of how we met but because of what happened after that meeting.

BocaDeTrucha · 18/12/2013 15:04

Laila, do you think your dp was desperate? I'm surprised you're still with him if desperation is so unappealing?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread