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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have pointed out a spelling mistake in a menu?

384 replies

freckledleopard · 18/12/2013 10:16

First off, I really don't think I was being unreasonable, but would like others' opinions please.

I went for drinks last night in a cafe I'd not been to before. The various food options were written on a blackboard above the tills. One of the options described sausages and "gravey". I didn't say anything initially - ordered my drink, thanked the server and went to my seat. Later in the evening, when ordering again, whilst waiting for my wine, I spoke to the same assistant and said, with a bit of a smile, "Sorry, I just wanted to point out that "gravy" is not spelled with an "e" in it". I smiled again to reiterate I was being friendly and added, "I just notice these things!" (which is true. I'm a lawyer and a pedant.)

The woman's demeanour immediately changed at this point. She said "well, I didn't write it, but I'll be sure to tell my dyslexic colleague that she spelled it wrong" (she really did emphasise the word dyslexic). Again, I smiled (awkwardly now) and repeated that I had a job that made me notice spelling errors. Again, she repeated that she would be sure to tell her "dyslexic colleague that she couldn't spell 'gravy'".

I paid for my drink and walked away blushing, feeling really pissed off. Frankly, if you're going to have a dyslexic colleague write the menus, surely it would be common sense to double check the spelling? Further, I always point out spelling and grammar mistakes on public signs and leaflets (and have been known to tweet companies whose packaging contains errors) so that the relevant people can correct them.

I'm still pissed off today (and yes, I appreciate it's a first world problem). But AIBU to think the assistant was rude, abrupt and should perhaps have graciously accepted what I said, maybe made a joke of it, rather than having a go at me?

OP posts:
Original poster
freckledleopard · 18/12/2013 14:07

I mentioned my profession on here as I thought it a well-known fact that lawyers are paid to be pedantic.

I didn't mention my legal status to the woman, anyhow. And frankly, I'd have said the same thing when I was a 20 year old student, so it's nothing to do with some kind of imagined career superiority, merely the difference between spelling a word correctly and spelling it wrongly.

OP posts:
MysterySpots · 18/12/2013 14:08

This is the kind of thing my mother does except its usually with pronunciation and the person she corrects is humiliated and my mum gets to feel smug and superior. OP you need to ask yourself what outcome you expected from this and what the actual outcome was? You are not single handedly going to correct the country's spelling errors, but you are going to upset people who perhaps are less well educated than you or have spelling difficulties. If you really must, have a quiet word with the manager but not the person who is likely to have made the error. Or maybe you could just chill out and enjoy the wine :-)

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/12/2013 14:09

Quite frankly if I eat or drink somewhere all I care about is , is the place clean , is the food any good and the staff are friendly. Whether their sign is mis spelt , or something's been slightly lost in translation, or there's n error somewhere I don't really care.

I have never felt the need to say anything but please/thank you and politely order.

KeinBock · 18/12/2013 14:10

YANBU. Personally, I think the only logical explanation for the woman's (otherwise inexplicable) response is that she herself was responsible for the spelling mistake on the menu.

thebody · 18/12/2013 14:10

I actually give up here.

msmoss if you and the op seriously can't understand the waitresses response here then there's not a lot to say is there.

Clearly you are type 1 people. Your desire to be clever and always right trumps understanding conventions of good manners, tact and general niceness.

She was in a cafe not proof reading documents.

Seriously can't you actually understand how rude this is? How unnecessary?

SunshinemMum · 18/12/2013 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ViviPru · 18/12/2013 14:11

In the OP's shoes, I'd assume everyone had noticed such a blatant error and it would be stating the bleedin' obvious to point it out. I think IceBeing makes some really good points. I, thankfully, fall slap-bang between the two types; I am a pedant practicalities and correctness are important to me, but I don't strive for them so much that I alienate those around me .

The waitress handled it badly.

YABU, she BU, and to sum up, I'm just glad I wasn't there.

HesterShaw · 18/12/2013 14:13

ViviPru, your last sentence sums it up perfectly.

It's the kind of thing I would blurt out and then go and cry in the toilets!

IceBeing · 18/12/2013 14:20

ha - I like to pretend I have enough emotional intelligence to let these things go...but I am 100% practicalities in reality.

I don't get fashed about spelling but if people are doing things inefficiently then I basically have to clamp my jaw shut to prevent myself from embarrassing everyone.

I am usually like:

Oi you fools! Load it all onto the jeffing trolley and do it in ONE trip instead of 15!

IceBeing · 18/12/2013 14:21

I heard a great question for separating the two types:

Your friend rings you up and tell you that she has been burgled.

Do you:

A) ask if she is okay, if she needs company or a cup of tea
B) ask if she has arranged to get the locks changed and found her insurance documentation.

msmoss · 18/12/2013 14:21

thebody I can understand that the waitress was embarrassed, it's not uncommon to take criticism personnally. I just think bringing a dyslexic colleague (who may well be a figment of her imagination) and trying to make the OP feel bad about herself was an uncalled for response.

By arguing that the waitress's response is perfectly reasonable you are letting her off the conventions of good manners, tact and general niceness. Why does she get to play by different rules?

youretoastmildred · 18/12/2013 14:25

Surely people grow out of this when they are about 7?

Stage 1 - preschool - not being able to spell, not caring
Stage 2 - early days literacy - struggling to learn to spell, a bit hit and miss
Stage 3 - pretty solid spelling - thrilled with self and not socially sophisticated enough to know when to point out others' mistakes, partly because as a child you have been solidly congratulated for getting spelling right so often that you think it is an unequivocal Good Thing
Stage 4 - realising that you can spell a lot better than a lot of other people and it is neither kind nor interesting to go on about it

Yep, I think stage 4 should hit at around age 7.

I think the mistake a lot of good spellers make is that on some level they think "STANDARDS ARE SLIPPING, THE BARBARIANS ARE AT THE GATES" and they think that they are doing the world a favour by going on about it, keeping a finger in the dyke against the rising tide, blah blah. I just don't believe this is true. I think that spelling in a weird inconsistent language like English has always been tricky for a lot of people not that way inclined, and life will therefore throw up a lot of spelling mistakes, but who cares. Just relax and enjoy your own textually-accurate job. Not all jobs have to be like that. There has always been, and will always be, a lot of stuff spelt wrongly. I just don't do it myself, but you know, each to their own.

RodneyTheChristmasElf · 18/12/2013 14:25

I agree with the thebody

I'm a pedant and autistic. Even I know it's rude.

ViviPru · 18/12/2013 14:25

I like to pretend I have enough emotional intelligence to let these things go...but I am 100% practicalities in reality. ME TOO ME TOO! Ah well, at least you're honest.

I'm the inefficiency pedant too. I have to count to 10 about a million times a day lest I get violent at DH's others' inefficiencies.

everlong · 18/12/2013 14:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheFarSide · 18/12/2013 14:27

IceBeing you are very wise, and I also liked your earlier post.

I find it hard to understand how people who feel sorry for the waitress because they think the OP has been mean, can then turn around and be so mean about the OP.

nauticant · 18/12/2013 14:32

That might be related to the fact that the waitress didn't post in AIBU.

Namechangersanon · 18/12/2013 14:32

OP I think you are incredibly daft if you think pointing out spelling makes is ever going to make you popular or get a thank you, you were lucky they didn't spit in your drink, in fact someone might do that the next time, because no doubt you'll be remembered.

Maybe consider getting some behavioural therapy, you seem a bit obsessive, being a lawyer is no excuse.

TheFarSide · 18/12/2013 14:35

youretoastmildred shouldn't there be an apostrophe in your name?

Grin
thebody · 18/12/2013 14:43

msmoss my take on her is the waitress was not embarrassed, why would she be its a simple mistake on a chalk board.

She felt angry that either she or a colleague had been patronised and sneered at by a twatty customer.

I repeat if I had been with the op I would have apologised on her behalf to the waitress and called her up on her bad attitude and general bad manners.

It's not a case of patting yourself on the back because you see these little faults in others rather shut up and stop having egos the size of planets.

thebody · 18/12/2013 14:46

Thefarside I feel far sorrier for the op actually as she doesn't even see how her posts come across or how she presents herself to other people.

The waitress can obviously take care of herself.

HesterShaw · 18/12/2013 14:49

Dear God, all this over a superfluous "e"...

Pagwatch · 18/12/2013 14:51

A guy once corrected a spelling mistake on a white board in my kitchen.
He is a massive, egotistical, self absorbed twat
I don't think those two things are unconnected.

MrsCakesPremonition · 18/12/2013 14:51

Perhaps "jus" would have been less controversial.

sapfu · 18/12/2013 14:52

I'm amazed (and tbh highly amused) at those suggesting the OP is everything from a type 1 total bastard (I'm paraphrasing here) to emotionally disturbed and possibly has a disability.

So many assumptions made, so much projecting. I don't get the impression the OP was trying to be superior, she was pointing out a spelling mistake, not saying 'Oi, you there, serving wench. Have you thought of getting an education so you don't have such a shit job?'

OP please confirm you are not actually Edmund Blackadder or Rainman, people are confused.