Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To ask this of MIL?

71 replies

Thornita17 · 17/12/2013 18:02

Basically due to unforeseen circumstances I am having to live at my mothers, and my partner at his mothers. This seems like it will be this way for the forseeable future. That's off topic however...

My MIL has four dogs, three Jack Russells and a Labrador.
These dogs are not trained in the slightest. No obedience, treated like her babies. They beg at your feet at meal times, whining and crying and if you so much as give them the chance the foods snapped and down their greedy little throats. Two of these dogs have shown obvious aggression, growling, and biting without much indication or warning as a dog should do, all over territory and being in their 'bubble'.
I may add whenever I'm home alone with these dogs their good as gold, respectful and sweet natured as can be, as they rightfully should. As soon as MIL is home it all changes. They have no regard for furniture ect. Quite happy to jump on the tables/sofa's beds ect and the 'baby' of MIL will regularly go into my partners room and piss all up his bed/carpet/curtains ect which is domineering and worrying!!
The labs no problem but he is old, and very skittish on the wooden floors as he can't keep his balance. I have been sent flying across the room numerous times by him but obviously through no fault of his own.

I have TRIED to talk to her about this, but her answer is that they will love the child, be all over it, give it lots of 'kisses,' be taking food happily out of babies hands, I won't be able to go near my own child they will be so protective and they would take it out of a house fire... Right.

This is the kind of woman that cannot be wrong, and everything she says is right.

Long story short, I want to ask her to have the dogs outside whenever littlein is in livingroom ect ect and also for her to stop smoking in the house. I do not want the dogs near the kids, I'm not willing to take the risk but my OH isn't exactly supporting me in it as he's a pushover when it comes to his terrifying mother.

If so how should I approach her about this? Or am I just being a twat and I should give the dogs a chance as its her home??

I'd appreciate the feedback :/

OP posts:

Pilgit · 17/12/2013 23:04

My dc have never been to my father's house. He has 30+ cats. Dogs. Other animals. No one cleans up. Dd1 is nearly 5. Dd2 1. It is a health hazard so they don't go. His choice to live like that. Consequence his grandchildren don't visit. You are not being precious. You are not being unreasonable.

maddening · 17/12/2013 23:17

The only stipulation you can make is the absence of your dc - if she won't keep untrained pets away and not smoke then the dc doesn't go in to her house.

Whatever happens it won't be pretty.

Tapiocapearl · 17/12/2013 23:36

I think you don't take baby round and If you do, keep the baby in a sling. The problem will really be there once baby is crawling and starting to be mobile. I think you will have to remove the dogs from the room yourself. Don't ask permission.

Tapiocapearl · 17/12/2013 23:37

Also with smoking, mil has to wash her hands and have a smoke free room. This could be a problem

Tapiocapearl · 17/12/2013 23:37

Best bet is to meet her out and about or at your mums

Inertia · 17/12/2013 23:40

You can't ask her not to smoke and you can't ask her to remove the dogs. She wouldn't oblige anyway. But you can refuse to take your child there because you don't believe it's safe- the smoking presents a long-term risk, but the aggressive, jealous, untrained dogs would present a very serious danger to your baby and you cannot risk taking your baby there. If she wants to see the baby she can meet you somewhere neutral. Don't move in there whatever you do, and don't use unsafe equipment .

Famzilla · 17/12/2013 23:52

Your MIL sounds like my own mother. We don't talk anymore. She has nothing to do with my 9 month old baby.

Stand your ground. If she refuses to compromise it's not you who loses out. Then again, I was not dependent on her for a home so I had the freedom to do what was right for my family without fear of being made homeless.

You & your partner need to "sort yourselves out" before the baby is born in my opinion. It all seems a bit um... Young & reckless really. (Waiting for you to tell me you're twice my age now!)

BuntyPenfold · 18/12/2013 00:13

Don't take the risk, a dog can kill a baby in a few moments.
They sound like awful dogs anyway.

winkywinkola · 18/12/2013 00:26

Oh my. I would not be taking my baby to that house ever whilst those untrained dogs are about.

I would not be shy about saying so either.

Which is better - an injured or dead baby or your mil's hurt feelings (unreasonable)?

Zucker · 18/12/2013 00:34

You don't even have to say anything to this woman. Just never take the child there. Meet her somewhere other than her home with the new baby. I would not trust a pound of sausages around those dogs as you describe them, let alone a baby. As other posters have said I'd rather hurt the MILs feelings than put my baby in dangers way.

When the baby arrives you'll both realise how unreasonable her wanting to have the baby with her as much as possible is.

Zucker · 18/12/2013 00:35

could I have posted the word baby any more in that post I wonder

PresidentServalan · 18/12/2013 06:36

YABU - it is her house, she is putting you up so you would sound incredibly rude if you tried to impose rules.

winkywinkola · 18/12/2013 09:18

Op, please don't take your baby to your mil's house with those dogs there.

RigglinRoundTheChristmasTree · 18/12/2013 10:39

Don't take the baby there, end of.

A little about the second hand crib, she may have thought this a nice present. We had the same with a family crib from DHs family, I was very wary of it so took it - and never used it. We kept it in the front room as DDs day cot, put her in it for 1 nap took a picture. DHs family chuffed it was used.

She was / is extraordinarily long so didn't fit in there for long before we could return it.

BlingBang · 18/12/2013 10:54

I Wouldn't go. Even if she stopped smoking while the baby was there, she and the house will stink of smoke. I grew up with a chain smoking mum and our house stank. You are also NBU about the dogs, of course she could keep them separate whilst the baby was visiting. If the baby is due in March then maybe you could go round sometimes and spend sometime outside in the garden, she however will probably still stink of smoke.

SomethingkindaOod · 18/12/2013 11:01

She's going to have to come to her own decision about this I'm afraid. When she sees that you won't back down then hopefully she'll have a rethink.
Not sure why you're having a dig about her being a pig farmer? DH grew up on a farm and was playing in the yard from when he could crawl and is still alive and relatively unscathed.. In fact the scar he has from his childhood is actually from being accidentally welded rather than from animal injuries (long, long story)..

RedHelenB · 18/12/2013 12:19

Can't your partner stay at your Mum's with you & MIL come round to visit?

Cleorapter · 18/12/2013 12:27

Don't take the baby round. If she asks why, tell her (in a nice way) you can't tell her what to do in her own home though...

ferretyfeet · 18/12/2013 12:48

Your baby cannot stick up for itself so you have absolutely no choice but to tell her politely how it's going to be,your child will be relying on you

Original poster

Thornita17 · 18/12/2013 15:00

Yeah OH and I have talked, and decided that its best that no matter how angry and nasty his mum will get, our child is priority. As he lives with those dogs, and is used to their temperaments, I really had to drill it in to him for him to understand. He hates that my own dog is well trained as it is!! Says she's not got a personality now!!
Pig farming issue is that she wants a toddler in with massive, angry aggressive pigs that try to eat you alive their so underfed! How would a child cope!?

But yeah thanks for advice ladies x

OP posts:

Zucker · 18/12/2013 16:49

I've never looked at a pig the same way since they featured in one of the Hannibal Lecter movies. My christ I had nightmares for a week after seeing them.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread