To ask this of MIL?

[Thornita17]

Basically due to unforeseen circumstances I am having to live at my mothers, and my partner at his mothers. This seems like it will be this way for the forseeable future. That's off topic however...

My MIL has four dogs, three Jack Russells and a Labrador.
These dogs are not trained in the slightest. No obedience, treated like her babies. They beg at your feet at meal times, whining and crying and if you so much as give them the chance the foods snapped and down their greedy little throats. Two of these dogs have shown obvious aggression, growling, and biting without much indication or warning as a dog should do, all over territory and being in their 'bubble'.
I may add whenever I'm home alone with these dogs their good as gold, respectful and sweet natured as can be, as they rightfully should. As soon as MIL is home it all changes. They have no regard for furniture ect. Quite happy to jump on the tables/sofa's beds ect and the 'baby' of MIL will regularly go into my partners room and piss all up his bed/carpet/curtains ect which is domineering and worrying!!
The labs no problem but he is old, and very skittish on the wooden floors as he can't keep his balance. I have been sent flying across the room numerous times by him but obviously through no fault of his own.

I have TRIED to talk to her about this, but her answer is that they will love the child, be all over it, give it lots of 'kisses,' be taking food happily out of babies hands, I won't be able to go near my own child they will be so protective and they would take it out of a house fire... Right.

This is the kind of woman that cannot be wrong, and everything she says is right.

Long story short, I want to ask her to have the dogs outside whenever littlein is in livingroom ect ect and also for her to stop smoking in the house. I do not want the dogs near the kids, I'm not willing to take the risk but my OH isn't exactly supporting me in it as he's a pushover when it comes to his terrifying mother.

If so how should I approach her about this? Or am I just being a twat and I should give the dogs a chance as its her home??

I'd appreciate the feedback :/

May I also add, my mum was fine with her until she started saying how my mum 'is this and that ect ect' which obviously riled my mum up as she'd said nothing..
She's still seething lol.

Yanbu to not want to take your baby there, obviously don't.
But it's her home and she can treat the dogs how she sees fit so yabu wanting to dictate to her, how to live her life when you don't even live there.

It doesn't matter if she 'wants the baby over constantly', it's not her decision to make, just as it's not yours to decide on her dogs and smoking

Well realistically how long is the split living accommodation likely to continue, presumably it's only a short term arrangement so do you really need to rock the boat?

TSSDNCOP Maybe a year? Until we can sort outselves out again.

Gosh this just sounds worse and worse.
She is, in general in control of her MPD however, but it means one day she can be lovely, and others a crazy little honey badger!

This site is terrifying compared to BC :( appreciate the feedback though

Just don't take the baby there.

If you want to failitate the relationship between MIL and your baby arrange coffee out.

I think you need to move sooner rather than later. This doesn't sound like a workable arrangement - the father of your child can't stay at yours and you don't want to be at his. (I wouldn't either).

Thornita, you have posted in 'Am I being unreasonable?' where you will get feisty, to-the-point replies. This is the nature of this folder.

If you want gentler discussion, you could re-post in another folder - Relationships, for instance, or even Parenting.

And also refrain from calling someone with a condition they can't control a "crazy little honey badger". That might help.

Yeah I know Its fiery :D

Just say you won't be bringing the baby into a smoky house where the dogs will be around.

If she's asking for the baby to be brought over a lot it's fair enough to ask that I think.

If she isn't able to smoke outside or keep the dogs away when you're visiting don't go.

Yeah I suppose I will just man up and tell her, she'll hate me but so what. She'll only hate me for something else otherwise. You lasses have been great.

we've both tried to speak with her. 'The dogs own the house, the living room is their property. Get a stair gate and you two stay in his room you have a tv what more do you want?' I didnt even get around to the smoking... Shes also going on about using everything thats of her choice of style. We should have a handmade crib she bought of a car boot with no safety standards to it, we MUST use a cot bumperset ect ect trying to tell me how to introduce my dog at my house to baby. Im now in tears in my OHs room but heyho at least I tried.

I agree the only solution is not to take the child there.

You will have to politely explain about these issues if she asks why.

You DH will need to support you because they are for the safety of the child.

I agree with others that the dogs can be in the same room as long as child is not left unattended. The smoking is a bigger issue because of the risk of cot death.

Don't take the baby round. Simple. When she inevitably asks why, then you can say that you don't want your baby in a smoky environment. Your MIL will have to grow up.

FWIW- my BILs all smoked in my FILs house. They all stopped when I found out I was pregnant and since only smoke outside.

I know it's hard because you are young (I assume) so she expects you to bend to what she wants. You are going to be someone's mum and dad and there's going to be a lot of times where you have to stand up to people to get the best for your baby. She's had her chance to listen, she's decided not to. So when baby arrives, baby doesn't go to MILs. If you stick to it there really is nothing she can do. It's hard I know (in law family from hell for me too) but once you stick to it, what more can she do other than see the baby at your mums or not see the baby at all. You need to get your mum on side too regardless of what's been said before.

I am sorry it didn't go well OP, but suspect it was because it opened as a discussion, and she is very forceful.
You have zero right to tell her how to manage her own dogs or what she does with her smoking habits, but you do have the absolute right to say it is not somewhere your child can be.
This is not a discussion. It is you protecting your child.

You simply have to stop going.
No further talk (you tried)
The bottom line is, being in a smokey atmosphere is already affecting your baby (and I am not a rabid anti smoker - I smoke, and would not have dreamed of doing it in the same house as my pregnant child, let alone her baby)

So - the choice really does now lie with you.
Sooner or later she will ask why you are not visiting. The answer is simple. Because of the dogs and the smoke.