To have burst into tears when DH suggested that i need to get on the treadmill?

[Redbird12]

Ok, i admit that i have put on weight and could do with losing a couple of stone, one to get back to pre pregnancy weight and another one to be really healthy, however this is just not my priority right now.

I gave birth to DS1 via EMCS 12 weeks ago and am still quite paranoid about the state of my scar and the flabby overhang. My scar is still red and raised and to me looks like it has been sewn back together funny but the GP assured me it all looked normal to him. A friend who gave birth later has a much neater scar with no redness or scar tissue. So i am quite sensitive about the state of my body at the moment anyway and still feel a pulling whenever i stand up, get out of bed or lift too much.

I was telling DH that it still hurt and i wasn't sure if that was normal and he suggested that it was because of the flabby overhang and if i reduced that down it would help. I assumed the soreness was still from the muscles underneath but he thinks if i got on the treadmill every day (we have one in the garage) it would help me recover faster. Even if i wanted to, this would be difficult with DS (if DH would sit with him for a bit i would rather use this time to have a long shower and moisturise properly!).

I dont think DH was being mean, it was just his way of trying to be helpful when he hears me moan about still being sore. But much as i want to be a healthy weight again (2 miscarriages and an arm injury also took their toll before this pregnancy), AIBU not to be focused on this yet and to think DH is being insensitive? Or is DH right that starting to exercise (more than walks with the pram) will help my recovery? I cant find a lot of info about what you can do post c section 3 months on and GP was not much help!

You've just had a baby. Let your body be your guide about when you're ready and tell your dh he's an insensitive arse.

I very much doubt he'd be up to much exercise 12 weeks after major abdominal surgery.

You should be fine to exercise three months post-section. I started using the elliptical trainer after about 8 weeks and it was fine -- mine was a messy EMCS too with a large PPH. I do have an extremely supportive partner who is very hands on with our DD though, so I felt very safe and happy to leave them together for a bit (and also had time for nice baths and stuff too!).

Of course it is VERY much personal choice, and 12 weeks post-partum is still early days indeed. I'm a strong believer in the benefits, mental and physical, of exercise but the regime has to suit you and be taken up when you feel ready and able. If your DH's only contribution to helping you feel better about your changed body is to suggest you 'hop on the treadmill', then that is not enough.

You've had a baby. Congratulations and well done! Sections are not fun and you've been bloody brave. I know the overhang is horrid (I slimmed down to a size 6 and less than 8 stone and still had mine), but in time I have come to hate it less because ultimately, my body has been through some shit and done some great stuff. I hope the scar gives you less pain soon.

Yanbu - I think your DH has been insensitive. The decision to start exercising has got to be yours when you are ready and motivated. As a midwife I would say there is no magic time when you can start exercising post cs; you need to take things slowly and let your body be your guide.

It's hard, I had the apron and losing weight didn't lose the excess skin, just made it more noticeable as the skin then went looser with nothing to pad it out and that was with muscles of steel underneath it.

A great way to get back into exercise is to do a programme called Couch to 5k which takes someone who hasn't exercised to being able to run 5k in just over 8 weeks.

Have you had your tummy muscles checked in case they're separated? By 3 months I was almost back to normal, but flabby /wrinkly and tender to the touch. I think I was back to normal in terms of being able to do things though- I was 10-11 weeks pp last Christmas time and I was able to get on the floor and play with DD's toys etc. I think the weird texture to my tummy took till about 6 months pp to start going back to normal.

Have you been doing tummy exercises? I was given a leaflet with post c section exercises to do, things like lying on the bed and using your abdo muscles to tilt your pelvis up.

If you're still sore when you do things then I wouldn't start using the treadmill until you feel ready, that's what my Gp etc kept saying, to do things when you feel ready.

And swimming is really good exercise- you could take Ds and while you won't actually be able to swim, moving through the water with him provides extra resistance and helps tone, but gently.

You have just had a baby and are recovering from major abdominal surgery. Your DH has been extremely insensitive.

Start exercising when you're ready and make sure you listen to your body. I've never had a CS, but from what I've seen it can take a while to recover.

He Knows Nothing.

He should be more sensitive, too.

You should definitely be okay to exercise by now, if you arent then you need to go back to your GP. Im not suggesting you run a marathon but you should after three months be at least able to go for a brisk walk (and if you stick ds in a sling then thats extra exercise).

I dont think your DH is being an insensitive git this time actually, I think he is being male and suggesting what he thinks is a solution to a problem. YABU a bit to be upset from what you have posted, he isnt saying it because he thinks you need to lose weight, he is suggesting it because you are in pain and miserable and he thinks it will help.

Exercise does help things heal faster, it also helps with endorphins which make you in a better overall mood and more likely to do other things, but with regards to the actual scar everyone scars differently so it may be that yours will be red and raised where other people will have different looking scars.

I was v shocked by the state of my body after my first birth (EMCS). My dad made some comment about by big tummy . I thought it was a very twatty thing to say.

He needs to be more sensitive.

You'll probably drop a stone in the next 9 months naturally just by eating normally, nervous energy and running around after the baby.

Do not get on that treadmill until or if you want to. You.
Ive just had my 2nd section and bejaysus if my OH said something like that i would kick him in the balls everytime he tried to stand or get out of the bath or whatever! You need to be resting it and letting your scar heal properly.
In your Dh's defence though he probably was trying to be helpful.
Now, remember what your body has been through and what beauty it has produced

I think if I told my DH I was in pain etc he'd suggest going to the GP.

I don't think his done anything wrong, you were complaining and he offered a solution. And by the way you have said it his solution is nothing to do with you being overweight but to help reduce your pain and soreness.

I think he was being a typical bloke and trying to come up with a solution whereas a big hug and a 'poor you that's bad you are feeling sore' is what was needed.

I'd shove him on the treadmill and turn it onto high speed

Fwiw I have an overhang from abdominal surgery 8 years ago and it's still there! Losing weight does little for it, but I have learned to accept it and DH doesn't care!

Your DS is tiny! It's so tough when they are that young, give yourself time. If you are unhappy though, focus on healthy eating. Not dieting but eating well to ensure you above as much energy as possible and you may find cutting out sugar and processed food will result in weight loss anyway.

In all honesty, weight loss is mostly diet anyway. What exercise can do is improve your mental well being and your self esteem.

Yes, I had a vaginal birth with no stretch marks, but that lower bit of my belly still sort of hangs over my waistband when I sit down! And I'm just a regular size 12 sorta gal! Not fat, not thin.

It is what it is. If people don't like it, they've got eyes on little rotating stalk things , they can turn them away! they don't have to look at me.

Your partner sounds a bit insensitive, as men can be - factual without thinking of the bigger picture (I know not all men are like this before I get flamed!)

You'd totally be ok for exercise now. For me it was vitamin e cream, and some other oil which I can't think for the life of me what it was that helped loads. I also wore a lovely comfy post section band / girdle type thing. It made me feel secure.

I was at a mum & buggy class at 6 weeks postnatal and loved it. I know not everyone will be up for this. How about a quick DVD class in your front room while little one sleeps when you're Ready? I do a 20min one that's just the right timing, and its great for toning & fat burning. It's called kettleworx.

It took ages for my body to recover after EMCS - and the fact that my DS was the size of a small car.

Tell your DH it is your body and you'll sort it out in your own good time.

God I HATE this pressure on women to "spring" back .... especially after a caesarean which is major abdominal surgery.

It's still early days, I think he's being a bit insensitive

I found badedas bath gelee amazzzing, need to get some in come to think of it.

Jeez YANBU, DH mentioned that I was a "little overweight" and I was really hurt. You have so many things to deal with right now you need to do things when you are ready. And if that takes you a while, so be it. Although if you wanted to get him to fork out for a gym membership he so clearly thinks you need, plus looks after your DC on his own three nights a week so you can take him up on his advice, so be it!

P.s I've just lost a little under a stone using MyFitnessPal app because I realised that none of my pre DS clothes fitted any more, I feel a lot happier with myself, more like the old me as much as I can

Not in a relationship so not sure I'm best placed to say but he doesn't sound insensitive to me. You were complaining and to me that would mean that you would like some possible solutions.

I don't know why you are all focusing on weight here!

Your DH is right. This kind of exercise will help retrain your core.... This will in turn lift this 'apron'..... Why do people assume exercise goes hand in hand with weight loss

redlondonbus I've run for a number of years fairly long distance and it has done nothing for my abdominal overhang. What am I doing wrong

I'm not overweight either and wasn't when I had the surgery.