To have burst into tears when DH suggested that i need to get on the treadmill?

[Redbird12]

Ok, i admit that i have put on weight and could do with losing a couple of stone, one to get back to pre pregnancy weight and another one to be really healthy, however this is just not my priority right now.

I gave birth to DS1 via EMCS 12 weeks ago and am still quite paranoid about the state of my scar and the flabby overhang. My scar is still red and raised and to me looks like it has been sewn back together funny but the GP assured me it all looked normal to him. A friend who gave birth later has a much neater scar with no redness or scar tissue. So i am quite sensitive about the state of my body at the moment anyway and still feel a pulling whenever i stand up, get out of bed or lift too much.

I was telling DH that it still hurt and i wasn't sure if that was normal and he suggested that it was because of the flabby overhang and if i reduced that down it would help. I assumed the soreness was still from the muscles underneath but he thinks if i got on the treadmill every day (we have one in the garage) it would help me recover faster. Even if i wanted to, this would be difficult with DS (if DH would sit with him for a bit i would rather use this time to have a long shower and moisturise properly!).

I dont think DH was being mean, it was just his way of trying to be helpful when he hears me moan about still being sore. But much as i want to be a healthy weight again (2 miscarriages and an arm injury also took their toll before this pregnancy), AIBU not to be focused on this yet and to think DH is being insensitive? Or is DH right that starting to exercise (more than walks with the pram) will help my recovery? I cant find a lot of info about what you can do post c section 3 months on and GP was not much help!

My husband said the same to me after I had a section, I went nuts, silly fecker. Still it worked because I am fatter now than I was then and he never utters a word. He knows what is good for him. I am losing weight now slowly and I will get there he knows that too after 3 children. Take your time focus on doing some walks with the baby in the buggy, that is good for the soul and the weightloss will come.

Well it's early days for the op isn't it? 12 weeks... More chance of fixing it now before it gets worse. Her core is fixable tho stretched skin which stretches further into an overhang only, as I understand it, is fixed by surgery

Ops DH hasn't mentioned her weight tho!

He may not understand/realise that the overhang may be permanent regardless of exercise. Mine certainly is and it's three and a half years old!

But to say that so bluntly is mean. You should tell him that your body does change after pregnancy, but it's part and parcel of having his children and he should like it or lump it.

12 weeks on - you've got ages to worry about getting in shape etc. I had a weird spare type thing going on for a while after my c-section but once I got steadily more active (by lots of walks with the pram, not via treadmill!), I lost the baby weight and more. I've put some on since going back to the office job, mind!

I have the CS apron 1 year on. Nothing to do with weight as I was lighter after delivery than I had been pre pregnancy (hyperemesis). My core is fairly solid too due to my particular hobbies. I think the only thing that would shift it is a plastic surgeon, but I am not bothered enough by it to have elective surgery.

I do still get the odd twinge or strange sensation in the scar. It took a good few months to lose that weird numb yet tingly feeling and the occasional sharp, stabby reminder. It is a solid scar too, not a dainty wee line, but then DS was a solid baby. Delightfully I get hairs growing out of it at all angles and ingrowing. What fun that is...

Get your GP to check you out in case of adhesions or aberrant healing OP, after that begin exercise when you feel ready. I think your husband was trying to be helpful not hurtful but managed to jump in with both feet. Let this one go maybe (but only this one).

Aww please don't feel bad about yourself :( remember that men see problems i.e. your unhappiness with the scar as needing a solution, not as a desire for sympathy and understanding.

Thanks everyone for your balanced and constructive comments. I agree that DH was probably doing the classic male thing of hearing of a problem and trying to offer a solution whereas at that moment of time (having just re-examined my scar and feeling very sensitive about it) i was lookng for sympathy.

I do want to start regaining my fitness (used to work out with a PT at the gym - no money for that whilst on mat leave!) but i want to do it in my own time and am also a bit nervous of launching into exercising when i am still feeling sore. GP was a bit useless and just told me to ask a class instructor for advice about what i could and couldn't do after c section but i think it's unlikely timewise that i will be able to join a class. Trying to work out at home eg exercise dvd or my own equipment is more likely to fit around DS as DH mainly works afternoon and evenings. I do have the Kettleworx set flatassantassacks so may try doing that again in new year. I have also signed DS up to baby swimming from Jan, i'm not sure it will give me much exercise but just getting into my swimsuit may be some motivation!

I was not given any post c section exercises to do by midwife or GP. Can anyone advise what kind of things i should be doing or post a link to anything? Also, is there a way to check if abdominal muscles healing ok or if there is a risk of separation?

Thanks for all your comments, the mixed responses make me think that perhaps neither of us were intentionally being unreasonable, DH trying to help but clumsily and i am struggling to adapt to post c section body!

I was getting a lot of back pain so went to a physio. She found that I had separated abdominal muscles and pelvic misalignment from the pregnancy which were causing back pain due to an unstable core.

I had envisioned myself morphing into a sort of Quasimodo traipsing round with my giant baby in a sling. One session sorted it right out.

So, a physio can check your muscles out and might have some suggestions about the scar pains too. Could be worth an appointment.

I have a scar (not CS, it runs from cleavage to pubic line) that hasnt healed as expected. It is wider and pinky/red, caused by my body creating too much scar tissue to heal the incision, it isn't keloid but is half way there, I wonder if yours is the same?

I think it sounds like he was trying to be well meaning but failed! Classes are great if you can get there, if not I would google as there are lots of videos out there and some may be of use.

Lastly, you just had a baby!! you have all the time in the world to worry about scars and tummies, but not so much time to enjoy having a tiny baby! Take care of yourself x

If you've got kettleworx then go for it after Xmas, its a fab workout and at 20m a day totally doable.

Remember to eat lots of protein as not only is this good for you generally but it repairs muscle so will help you heal.

Second the MFP app, it is good to visualise what you've been eating, not for calories (well for me anyway) but for nutrient contents.

Do not do any running just yet! Our trust provides postnatal support groups run by health visitors and we had a talk by a physio about the type of exercise we should we doing. Do your pelvic floor exercises as they will also tone you up inside and work your transverse abdominal muscles when you breathe out pull your stomach into your spine. We were told that if you do abdominal exercises too early and you can see your tummy bulge out then you should stop as your stomach muscles are still separated. You can check and see how much they are separated for yourself.

Running is a big no no until your baby is 6 months as your ligaments are still soft and you risk damage to yourself. Especially if you are breastfeeding.

Pelvic floor muscles are very important even if you had a csection especially if you are running as otherwise you can risk a vaginal prolapse in the worst cases. Walking is fine.
Our physio told us stories of women who ran 6 weeks after a csection and were fine for a few years but then ended up needing physio further down the line.

FGS go to a physio or your GP instead of listening to some armchair exercise wanker like your partner. Actually most exercise won't do anything for the flap of skin left from caesarian so he's talking out of his arse. You can in fact damage your stomach muscles quite badly by exercising them intensively before a full recovery, I am not sure what you'd be doing on the treadmill so maybe that would be ok but definitely not sit ups or anything like that. But go to a physio! And tell your pet idiot that he should learn some empathy.

I think you should see a different GP at the practice as a GP really should be able to give you more guidance wrt your scar and exercise.

Don't push yourself too hard, you grew a baby and had major surgery 12 weeks ago!

Oh dear ! i remember my DH walking in to the room 3 days after i had come out of hospital and saying ' its weird but you look fatter now than before you had DD ' , my best friend was visiting at the time and tore a strip off him .
12 weeks post emergency c-section i was back to a relatively normal level of fitness , in that i could take the dog out with DS in a sling , but by god it knackered me , my back ached and my stomach muscles were still not feeling as they were pre being surgically seperated . However i was not a fit person prior to the pregnancy , i did not have abs of steel , i had a slighty saggy bagpussy affair of a stomach having had two previous children , so my expectations were low .
Are you still wearing the massive big pants ? these are essential until the scar is totally healed as normal pants irritate it something rotten. I know some women manage without them ,but i found that if i tried my normal pants for a day , my scar became quite angry looking and this was a few weeks after and i had an super tidy scar .
Personally i would ask your GP to make a referall to your local physio department , it could well take a good few weeks , but then you will have the opportunity to speak to someone who can give you advise on the best exercises to do to improve your stomach muscles without causing any harm .

Exercise makes you feel fantastic. Just getting yourself moving, even if you only lose a tiny bit at a time, every time you do something, you release endorphins and will be that little bit more positive.

Congratulations on your baby. And don't be harsh on DH, he's probably just doing "man speak" (you know, the one where they don't think before they open their mouths) and trying to help. You won't lose the flap...but at 3mths, you don't really know what you're left with. My scar was done by a plastic surgeon..you can't see it at all now. At probably even 9mths afterwards, it was still dark purple.

Do a little bit to make yourself feel better, and take photos of your scar today, then again in say 3mths to see if there is any change.

I think as others have said and you have acknowledged, he was being logical not deliberately setting out to hurt your feelings.

But I can totally see why it did!

I don't understand why it's OK to stereotype men in this way

Good advice on here:

Definately do not even think about running.

Also don't get into a habit of eating junk and drinking fizzy drinks.
DH could be very helpful by making you some yummy healthy meals.

I had a CS 30+ years ago. It was a year before I got back to pre-pregnancy weight.

Also be kind to yourself , an emergency c-section is an incredibly traumatic experience to go through both physically and emotionally . All the scars can take a long time to heal , keep talking about it even if it upsets you to do so , if you want to pm a total stranger and have a good rant feel free to pm me .

I do fitness DVDs at home - easier to fit in with a baby and you don't need to be self conscious. Also you can have them on mute and listen to radio so less dull than most exercise. Davina McCall and nell mac drew good.

Dh is being insensitive. 12 weeks is nothing.

Even bearing in mind that exercise is beneficial to your general health and state of mind, it is up to you when you you start.

Also I'm not sure about whether it would be much of a solution to the scar still hurting, but I'm not a doctor. Maybe speak to gp or another health professional about this.

Exercise probably isn't going to do any harm, but don't feel under pressure.

Avoid the abs until your stomach muscles have come together, (check by lifting into crunch position and feeling just under your tummy button). When they are ready, rather than crunches, obliques are better at re-defining your waist.

DS1 was an EmCS with other complications after a long labour. I really wanted to get fit and hated being housebound with SPD in pregnancy so was on a mission. I started with lots of short walks, and a great DVD- Erin O'Brien's Post-Natal Rescue which is about gently rebuilding your core in 3 stages (my only criticism is that it's a bit momsy, but the 15mins is very convenient to a new mum, and it does work). At 10 wks I started at buggy babes. At 5m I felt fit enough to go to circuits. When he was 18m, I did a fitness test and realised I was fitter than 4 yrs earlier, and went below my pre-preg weight. Starting gently with low impact is the best way for your body and more sustainable.

Alas the only thing that will solve my overhang is a surgeons knife. I don't know if I would actually do it, but I tell myself when I'm over 40 and the family is definitely complete. Giving myself permission to think about it makes me feel better as I have the power of choice, rather than feeling that it was inflicted on me, and being stuck with it. I'm struggling to accept it as it is unhidable except in industrial strength underwear, and I end up wearing frumpy high waists and have no matching bras as matching combinations are not made in my size (nor avaliable in shops, online only. Hmph)

I am 6 months post emcs and have just started running again (before pregnancy I was running 10k at least twice a week). I would say if you are still getting a pulling sensation around your scar you should not be on a treadmill! Just let your body heal at its own pace and concentrate on looking after your baby. I am enjoying exercising again but certainly would not have felt comfortable doing so 12 weeks after giving birth. And if my dh had suggested I should be on a treadmill I would have told him where to stick it.

I think people just don't realise how hurtful their words can be.

I remember the first time I wore jeans after my section- was probably around the 3 month mark as before that the waistband irritated. To be fair, even leggings irritated me, I ended up going to Primark and buying several pairs of leggings 3 sizes too big (so that the elastic wasn't stretched and came up really high over my tummy button), I wore those on rotation till my scar was healed.

Anyway, there I was in my jeans, and MIL (who I normally love) made a comment to DD about 'oh look, mummy's wearing proper trousers for a change, doesn't she look lovely!'. I was too upset to even answer or mention it to DH. (The implication being that I hadn't been wearing 'proper' clothes and had been slobbing around and hadn't looked lovely before). Of course my MIL didn't mean to upset me, I know that now, but I was very hormonal and borderline PND, and I just felt it was unfair that she was judging me for something out of my control- she obviously hadn't twigged why I was wearing leggings all the time and was trying to make me feel good about wearing something different.