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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to expect DP to not change career?

59 replies

Tak3n · 16/12/2013 16:32

Hello

you can help sort a dispute in our house..

DP has a first class honours degree, 2 (yes 2) Masters in Education, half way through a Doctorate

Suddenly 2 weeks ago announces to me that they feel like a change of career!!

and wants to leave the well paid job lecturing at a University to become a primary school teacher!

Don't get me wrong nothing against primary school teacher but I suspect DP would probably be one of the most over qualified Primary school teachers in the Country?

I don't truly understand it but there had apparently been a recent change where the qualifications DP has will now allow them to be recognised across all age ranges...

Not only that DP got offered a job at a primary school after just popping to a school for a 'informal' chat

Money aside, AIBU to think that giving up a well paid (albeit stressful) job to 'reset' DP's career is too much...

all the years and years of education, when he could of just done a degree and a PGCE and got a primary school job that way..

If we add the money for education (circa 20k) and now the pay cut, I am proper mad

But feel a little selfish

so AIBU

OP posts:

Bowlersarm · 16/12/2013 16:36

I think YABU tbh. It's his working life. He should do the job he wants to.

Is it possible for him to go back to being a university lecturer in the future, if it doesn't work out?

WooWooOwl · 16/12/2013 16:39

Of course YABU!

As long as his new wage would cover any financial responsibility he has, where's the issue.

Surely your husbands happiness is more important to you than extra disposable income?

LaurieFairyCake · 16/12/2013 16:39

Is there really that much difference in the salaries?

I got paid the same for lecturing as dh used to do for secondary teaching.

HermioneWeasley · 16/12/2013 16:41

What do you contribute to the family and how woukd the drop in income impact on everyone?

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 16/12/2013 16:43

What is the difference in salary? Will you still be able to manage financially on the lower salary?

If so, then YABU. However, if changing jobs now will leave the family in the shit financially YANBU.

Do you expect DP to dictate where you can and can't work?

neunundneunzigluftballons · 16/12/2013 16:45

Tak5n I think you are being unreasonable if you are not willing to consider his very valid reasons and he is being unreasonable if he did not consider yours. I think you need to have a frank and open chat about both of your careers and decide the best road forward for your family.

ContinentalKat · 16/12/2013 16:45

YABU. He is free to choose a job that makes him happy. He doesn't have to stay in a job he hates just because you like the money.
He should ask you to discuss possibilities, though, before he makes major decisions like that.

scurryfunge · 16/12/2013 16:45

I didn't think there was much difference in pay anyway? DH wanted to take a huge drop in pay(60%) a few years ago to follow a profession he'd always wanted to do. It was his decision though, we'd have coped (he didn't in the end).

MaidOfStars · 16/12/2013 16:48

I suspect DP would probably be one of the most over qualified Primary school teachers in the Country?

I think you might be overestimating this....I know plenty of teachers (some primary) with doctorates. Do you know what? It hasn't taken them very long to rise to some very senior positions...

JinglingRexManningDay · 16/12/2013 16:49

If he can still meet his financial obligations then YABU. It doesn't matter if he's overqualified,maybe he really wants to teach at primary level.

EveningCalls · 16/12/2013 16:52

Yabu of course you are.

However you implied that this move may be to make his life less stressful. I think that is highly unlikely

littleredsquirrel · 16/12/2013 16:53

What is the pay difference?

I think its a balance between family needs and his career satisfaction.

DH once decided he wanted to be a primary teacher. Given the £70,000 pay cut (he's a lawyer) and out large mortgage, I was far from impressed at the time. Now it wouldn't affect us as much and so it wouldn't be as big an issue.

reup · 16/12/2013 16:53

Has he had any experience teaching primary kids?

My friend is a primary teacher and her sister is a university lecturer . The latter thinks her sister's job is way more stressful.

ChoudeBruxelles · 16/12/2013 16:54

Yes yabu.

livinginawinterwonderland · 16/12/2013 16:57

YABU. Unless a drop in salary would leave you unable to pay the bills/mortgage, he can work where he likes.

struggling100 · 16/12/2013 16:58

It's a really difficult time to work in universities at the moment, so I can see why he's stressed.

Can you suggest a middle ground? For example, that he goes down to 4 days a week, and does some volunteering the other day to find out what it's really like to work with kids all day. That way you can both figure out whether this is a 'panic' move and bad long term plan, or whether it's really where his heart lies.

complexnumber · 16/12/2013 17:00

I think it is fantastic that he is willing to come out of the world of academia and get back into the classroom to practice what he has been preaching.

Hats off to him!

(Assuming all is well financially)

EveningCalls · 16/12/2013 17:01

fwiw we have a Dr on the staff at the primary school where i work. She may be the most qualified but she's a terrible teacher!

Mim78 · 16/12/2013 17:04

Yabu unless as others have said it causes financial problems. Been married to/ living with someone who is unhappy in their job can awful (my dad was) so I would think twice about whether this is a bad thing.

Dawndonnaagain · 16/12/2013 17:05

I have taught at primary level. I am Doctor Dawndonna.

StrangeGlue · 16/12/2013 17:12

My mum was a school administrator with a first and a doctorate so you might well be surprised at the qualification level in schools.

What's the issue for you? Is the the wage cut? Do you feel you've supported them for years and just as you're coming out of it they spring this? Is it the sudden announcement? Is it bring bounced into it by them claiming to already have a potential position without even mentioning it?

Not sure what change they mean about quals to teach changing. Are they referring to not needing qts to teach in academies?

You need a good long chat with them.

HappyMummyOfOne · 16/12/2013 17:17

Completely his choice, he is the one having to do the job. As long as he can still meet his share of the bills then i dont see an issue. You could always change career etc if its you that wants more income.

BackforGood · 16/12/2013 17:18

YABU. There's not that much difference in salary (longer term) so if it's not leaving a family on the breadline, then everyone should be free to do what they feel called to do, and yes, that can change over time.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 16/12/2013 17:18

Have you made sacrifices so he could get the education he wanted and now he is changing direction so all your sacrifices feel like they were worthless?

If you have put your life on hold so he could do what he wanted then I would have some sympathy with you saying - hang on - its my turn to make career choices now. If, on the other hand, you have been free to choose your career then he should be too.

BackforGood · 16/12/2013 17:20

I agree with reup though that he might find it a LOT more stressful than his Lectureship (1 teacher and 1 Lecturer in this house)

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