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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect DP to not change career?

59 replies

Tak3n · 16/12/2013 16:32

Hello

you can help sort a dispute in our house..

DP has a first class honours degree, 2 (yes 2) Masters in Education, half way through a Doctorate

Suddenly 2 weeks ago announces to me that they feel like a change of career!!

and wants to leave the well paid job lecturing at a University to become a primary school teacher!

Don't get me wrong nothing against primary school teacher but I suspect DP would probably be one of the most over qualified Primary school teachers in the Country?

I don't truly understand it but there had apparently been a recent change where the qualifications DP has will now allow them to be recognised across all age ranges...

Not only that DP got offered a job at a primary school after just popping to a school for a 'informal' chat

Money aside, AIBU to think that giving up a well paid (albeit stressful) job to 'reset' DP's career is too much...

all the years and years of education, when he could of just done a degree and a PGCE and got a primary school job that way..

If we add the money for education (circa 20k) and now the pay cut, I am proper mad

But feel a little selfish

so AIBU

OP posts:
Trills · 16/12/2013 17:25

You would not be unreasonable to expect there to be a bit more discussion and thought put into this, rather than just having "a chat" with a school and "announcing" that he wants to change career.

Trills · 16/12/2013 17:27

Sorry, you haven't said if DP is a he or a she, so I used "he" as statistically it's most common on MN for DPs to be "he". It doesn't matter of course.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 16/12/2013 17:33

Trills
DP is a he
"all the years and years of education, when he could of just done a degree and a PGCE and got a primary school job that way."

Ephiny · 16/12/2013 17:45

You are being unreasonable, and quite intrusive/controlling. It's his career, not yours.

If you want a lecturer's salary (not that that tends to be anything spectacular!) so badly, then become a lecturer yourself.

TheFallenMadonna · 16/12/2013 17:59

What does he lecture in?

He won't have his doctorate when he starts teaching, so he will be a primary teacher with a MEd, which is what the government wants for all teachers. So that bit is unreasonable.

But...

Has he not discussed this before? A sudden career change without consultation that affects the rest of the family... That would be unreasonable without consultation at least.

Joysmum · 16/12/2013 18:01

I just want my husband to be happy. As long as we have enough to live in he can do what he wants in normal working hours.

Why would you not want your husband to pursue happiness?

NotJustACigar · 16/12/2013 18:04

That's nothing - my DH went through a phase of deciding to be a bloody minister! I'm an atheist. But of course I was supportive as everyone should get to choose their own career. YABU.

Misssss · 16/12/2013 18:10

YABU, let him do what he wants. He is BU for thinking primary teaching isn't stressful.

hanette · 16/12/2013 18:15

A line voice - YANBU

That'd drive me nuts

hanette · 16/12/2013 18:16

*lone!

hanette · 16/12/2013 19:05

Also - q to OP: when he was busy acquiring that long list of qualifications, were you together? If so, did you work during that time so he could study?

whereisshe · 16/12/2013 19:16

YANBU.

If there IS a financial impact ie his salary goes down then you absolutely get a say - it affects the family as a whole.

Even if there isn't a financial impact, he could have figured all of this out a long time ago and saved a lot of money on education, I'd be annoyed if he decided without discussing it.

I say this as the main breadwinner who periodically has "Oh god I hate my career" moments. I would never for a moment consider making a unilateral decision about changing because of the potentially major effect on my family - in other words when I got married (and now pregnant) part of that deal meant that my career isn't just about what I want any more.

EeyoreIsh · 16/12/2013 19:24

YABU.

What matters is that he feels he is in the right job or surely he'd be miserable and that would affect you? He can always switch back to lecturing if needs be.

ILoveRacnoss · 16/12/2013 19:28

I changed career to become a primary teacher, taking a huge pay cut. I've never regretted it and DP supported me all the way.

Many primary teachers have multiple degrees, masters and/or doctorates. I've known medical doctors as teachers too.

All teachers with QTS can teach any age or subject.

ilovesooty · 16/12/2013 19:35

I opened this thread thinking he wanted to become a lion tamer or something. Have you talked with him about how he feels?

hanette · 16/12/2013 19:37

What whereisshe said

Of course their financial situation will change - giving up an established job to start at the bottom rung again

OP doesn't say he's miserable, just that his job is stressful. Most jobs are stressful and I can't think spending all day with primary school kids is calming

Also to those who have said he can simply return to lecturing if he doesn't like primary teaching - I can't think of any uni that would take them back after a switch like that

I'm married to an academic and whilst it appears to be stressful, this seems to come in peaks around certain key dates in the year (exams etc) interspersed by long spells reading the paper and 'thinking'. It's also very child friendly as a job.

sunnybobs · 16/12/2013 19:39

The thing I find most surprising about this thread is the idea that primary school teaching is less stressful! I think it's incredibly stressful and have seen several outstanding primary teachers almost broken by it. I say this as a secondary teacher who wouldn't go near primary teaching!

mrsjay · 16/12/2013 19:43

yabu your husband is entitled to change her career if he wants perhaps he is bored witht he stuffiness of the uni and just really wants to teach children,

ithaka · 16/12/2013 19:43

My DH chucked in a well paid job in industry to do a PGDE & become a secondary teacher.

He is so much happier, best thing he could do for all of us. Sod the money, it is perfectly possible to live on a teacher's salary and your husband's happiness should be important to you - if you really love him & don't just see him as a cash machine.

Spottybra · 16/12/2013 19:54

I don't get your point.

Unless its because its not been discussed in depth with you.

My dh and myself are in career changes. Life is about helping each other to grow as people.

Sleepyhoglet · 16/12/2013 20:00

If he is bright no reason why he couldn't become a head and will then earn more. Lecturing May be stressful, but you di know primary teaching is too, don't you?

ThereIsNoEleventeen · 16/12/2013 20:00

Did he say why he wanted to become a primary school teacher tak3n ?

Shescoming · 16/12/2013 20:15

You might not be U. It depends.

Have you discussed/planned/looked at household budget and reasons for the move etc? Is this something he has wanted to do for a while?

My husband and I both work. If one of us wanted to change jobs and that decision impacted the household this would be agreed between both of us - has to be, we're not alone anymore (2 children to look after between us) - our family comes first. Over the past few years this has led to be deciding not to retrain in a different profession due to time and cost, but also him turning down a decent job change because the lengthy commute would have impacted on all of us. If we were alone we may have acted differently.

But if you are anti this move just because it's less money/prestige (implied in post) then yes you are BU. It's up to him to decide how his career direction should go. If this is a sudden annoucement that has been dropped upon you and you are concerned about whether this is a snap decision maybe you could look at how to work through specific concerns?

TheDoctrineOfSanta · 16/12/2013 22:04

Giving up a doctorate half way through is a no turning back step, surely?

Could he finish it whilst trying to get some relevant experience in primary schools (parent helper at least, if you have kids? Volunteer to do assemblies or talks on his subject area ?)

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 16/12/2013 22:08

If you have to change your way of life because of this, then I don't think you're being unreasonable.

If it doesn't affect you that much though, YABU. It's his career, and he needs to do something that he'll enjoy because he'll be spending a hell of a lot of time doing it.