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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

questioning this guys intentions?

37 replies

Daddypigsgusset · 16/12/2013 10:57

I have a relation in her early 20's with 4 kids by 4 men, all from one night stands, none of the guys even know about the children as she didn't know their names let alone get a number or anything.
She lives on benefits and works on the side for cash.
She has met a guy on the Internet and from his comments on fb, he seems pretty creepy. She has met him in person 3 times and her kids call him dad!
She has this week given notice on her council house and is moving 400 miles to live with him, kids in tow.
Aibu thinking wtf or should I be happy for them? I have brought this up with her and she claims im jealous. I cannot see what either of them are getting from it, what he sees in her tbh, what he thinks about having 4 feral kids in his house. Dh think it's something they spoke about half heartedly which quickly got out of hand and the guy doesn't know how to back out now it's too late. I feel really sorry for all involved and can see how it's going to end up. I cannot bring myself to get excited for her. I'm just a bitch aren't I?

OP posts:

Joysmum · 16/12/2013 10:59

It's not a choice I'd make for myself and my family in my life.

kinkyfuckery · 16/12/2013 11:03

I'm just a bitch aren't I?

Yes, yes, you are.

Vintagecakeisstillnice · 16/12/2013 11:20

No I don't think you are a bitch to be concerned, although he maybe the victim here.

I am a bit about calling the children feral.

Lemongrab · 16/12/2013 11:20

No, you are not a bitch. I can understand why you feel the way you do. Your relative has made some very poor life decisions and she's the one who will have to live with the consequences.

WooWooOwl · 16/12/2013 11:36

No, you're not a bitch.

Having common sense doesn't make someone a bitch. I don't know why you feel sorry for her though, the only people I'd feel sorry for are the children and the men out there who are oblivious to the fact that they have children.

BuffyxSummers · 16/12/2013 12:14

I don't think you are a bitch to be worried for these children. For all she knows she's been targeted and groomed by a paedophile who is now eagerly awaiting the arrival of these children.

Topaz25 · 16/12/2013 12:16

It wouldn't be unreasonable if you were worried about her children and the disruption in their lives, calling a virtual stranger dad and moving 400 miles to live with him. However calling them feral kids doesn't sound very caring. Your post comes across as more judgmental than concerned.

Smoorikins · 16/12/2013 12:24

'Feral children'? Yes, you are a bitch.

Just not for the reasons you think.

blahblahblah2014 · 16/12/2013 12:32

Yes, feral children do exist, and the OP knows them not any of you lot!

perlona · 16/12/2013 12:46

You're not a bitch, she's an idiot and potentially putting her children in danger. At best, this man has bullshitted his way into a situation he can't get out of and there's a good likelihood that he won't answer the door when she turns up, at worst, she's being targeted by some creep who sees a moron desperate enough to expose her children to whatever his intentions are and with no ability or concern to protect them.

As for people complaining about your description of her children as 'feral', mothers like that usually leave their kids to bring themselves up and with little parental input, no guidance, no discipline, no attention, they have no idea how to behave, how would they, children need to be parented into social norms, if they're not parented at all, they become 'feral'. That's the mothers fault. Describing the consequence of her non existing parenting skills does not make you a bitch either.

yanbu.

Original poster

Daddypigsgusset · 16/12/2013 13:44

I didn't want to mention the 'p' word but glad it's not only me to have thought of that.
I could say more of their odd relationship but it would out me.
I can just see in 3 months time she'll be pg with #5x5, he'll be sick of 4 unruly children who cannot be controlled by their mother running amock when he previously lived alone. moving the kids schools, they are allcprimary age and have each been in 3/4 schools already. Theynwill not see their grandmother daily, as they do now, and who provides a lot of respite... I could go on, she'll be back home without a pot to piss in, no house nd pg to boot. Either that or he's a grooming weirdo paedo and he'll be loving it might be a bit dramatic but I'm sure it's not unheard of

OP posts:

BuffyxSummers · 16/12/2013 14:01

Paedophiles targeting vulnerable women is definitely not unheard of. I'm always surprised by how many women fill their online dating profiles with things about their children because it makes them such an easy target. It's silly.

perlona · 16/12/2013 14:11

Paedophiles will target anything which will get them unsupervised access to children, preferably vulnerable children with nobody who cares to protect them. Your relatives kids would be a prime target so it's not paranoid to suspect a strange man in the circumstances you describe. Just common sense.

MostWicked · 16/12/2013 16:08

"She has met him in person 3 times and her kids call him dad"

How old are these kids? I find it very hard to believe that 4 kids would start calling someone dad after 3 meetings.

formerbabe · 16/12/2013 16:10

Crazy situation. She must be mad.

LaurieFairyCake · 16/12/2013 16:14

Of course you're not a bitch

You've dreadful taste in friends though - why exactly are you friends with her?

Original poster

Daddypigsgusset · 16/12/2013 16:17

The kids are 4, 5, 8 and 9
I'm not sure if they call him dad in person but she bought him a dad card for his birthday and (sorry to be a fb bore! ) refers to them as 'our princesses' etc. to him. It's like she's found the first remotely willing guy and dragged him in as a father for them as she doesn't know any of the real dads. It would be really strange if it wasn't actually very sad and tbh, scary!

OP posts:

BuffyxSummers · 16/12/2013 16:19

I'll risk a flaming and say perhaps this needs someone looking into it properly. SS or something.

HoHoHopasholic · 16/12/2013 16:22

YANBU but I'm unsure what you can do. Doesn't sound like she's going to change her mind. What does her mother make of it?

Original poster

Daddypigsgusset · 16/12/2013 16:42

Her mum and sister met him once and he brought her mum some chocolates with him so he's wonderful. She's never had a boyfriend before just lots of Cock so I think they are genuinely happy that she's found someone who has not yet ran a mile but can see no wrong in the situation.
It's like they see him as a hero for taking her and the kids on as his own and he can do no wrong. It is a new situation for them all and are glad she's happy but it seems to be only me saying wtf?
I tried to broach it with her, she said I was jealous, trying to put a downer on her, like to see her down etc. She said I moved in with my dh after 3 months and she's known hers for longer. Never mind the fact I spent almost everyday of that 3 months with him and had no children. She thinks it's no different.
It's exhausting trying to get through to her

OP posts:

BuffyxSummers · 16/12/2013 17:07

Just lots of cock? God you are loving ripping her to shreds. All of us have replied with concern for the children and all you are interested in is slagging her off. Ugh.

sykadelic15 · 16/12/2013 19:28

How long has she known this guy?

She's met him 3 times. Probably spoken to him lots more than that though so probably knows (or thinks she knows) him pretty well. Depends if he's a fake or not.

If you're genuinely concerned about the kids, report your concerns.

Otherwise, it seems like you have some genuine dislike for her and her life choices. Could be you're jealous she's found someone to love her when you consider her to be an unworthy individual. Could be you can't imagine anyone finding her or her kids to be people worth their time. Could also be you're angry at what you believe is a stupid choice because you think it's not going to end well and your grandmother will be the one helping to pick up the pieces. You just want to yell at her and tell her she's an idiot and "fix" her and her kids but you can't.

So in summary - As someone who's done the LDR who knows some awful horror stories, I don't think you're BU to be wondering what on earth she's thinking, most specifically for dragging her kids into it.

I think you ARE BU for letting it bother you so much. You can't make her do what you want so you need to learn to let go (easy to say, hard to do).

HeeBeeGeebies · 16/12/2013 19:56

Wow she was really unlucky to get pregnant from a one night stand four times.

Jellymum1 · 16/12/2013 20:05

i am not sure i should be laughing but i am
Prehaps you are right to be concerned. The friendly thing to do would be to support her, to stay in touch so that you know things are going ok and you can hopefully erase those concerns. Or so that she has a friend if things really do hit the fan. However, i feel maybe you would just prefer to be there to boast i told you so if it did go wrong. Prehaps she has so very little self esteem and feels very unloved, maybe her life is fullof judgement of her and her feral? Kids and she cant wait to get away

CranberrySaucyJack · 16/12/2013 20:09

You are being a teensy weensy bit wicked, but I don't think you're concerns aren't genuine or that you're just a bitch.

And I certainly don't think you sound jealous

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