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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

questioning this guys intentions?

37 replies

Daddypigsgusset · 16/12/2013 10:57

I have a relation in her early 20's with 4 kids by 4 men, all from one night stands, none of the guys even know about the children as she didn't know their names let alone get a number or anything.
She lives on benefits and works on the side for cash.
She has met a guy on the Internet and from his comments on fb, he seems pretty creepy. She has met him in person 3 times and her kids call him dad!
She has this week given notice on her council house and is moving 400 miles to live with him, kids in tow.
Aibu thinking wtf or should I be happy for them? I have brought this up with her and she claims im jealous. I cannot see what either of them are getting from it, what he sees in her tbh, what he thinks about having 4 feral kids in his house. Dh think it's something they spoke about half heartedly which quickly got out of hand and the guy doesn't know how to back out now it's too late. I feel really sorry for all involved and can see how it's going to end up. I cannot bring myself to get excited for her. I'm just a bitch aren't I?

OP posts:

CranberrySaucyJack · 16/12/2013 20:10

*your concerns

Sallyingforth · 16/12/2013 20:15

Wow she was really unlucky to get pregnant from a one night stand four times.
Depends how many on-nighters she had doesn't it.

OP I think you should just back out and leave her to it. Nothing you can do is going to change it.

CoffeeTea103 · 16/12/2013 20:29

Yanbu, it's the guy i feel sorry for not her. She does not sound like someone you would want to know.

FudgefaceMcZ · 16/12/2013 21:12

I would be worried about the children, but I don't think you are really going to help or do anything useful as you seem to just be wanting to make Daily Mail style jokes about her shagging more than one man in her lifetime (really, how many women these days haven't been out with 4 men in their life ffs?) and about her children supposedly being 'feral' which you have given no evidence for (other than some numpty upthread deciding that they must be badly behaved because of the 'sort of woman' she is- fwiw the only woman I know with 4 kids from 4 different dads is the 'sort of woman' who also has an oxbridge degree and runs her own successful business, so not sure what 'type' that is).

MostWicked · 16/12/2013 21:14

She has met him in person 3 times and her kids call him dad

I'm not sure if they call him dad in person but she bought him a dad card for his birthday

Not really the same thing at all is it?
I wonder what else in your posts, you have put your own slant on. I wonder if she is quite as bad as you have painted her to be. Does she really not know the names of all 4 fathers?

You clearly think this woman and her 4 feral kids are trash, so why do you even care? Surely it would make you happy that she is moving 400 miles away?

DoctorTwoTurtleDoves · 16/12/2013 21:16

She's met this bloke 3 times and she's moving 400 miles to move in with him? I'd worry about her tbh, not him. Is the move her idea or his? If it's his, then I'd warn her that this is a mahoosive red flag and she should watch out for him curtailing her freedom of movement and contact with her friends and family.

FlatAsSantasSacks · 16/12/2013 21:21

She's silly for giving up the security of her house, why isn't he moving here if they can't live without each other after 3 meet up?

She sounds like she desperately wants to be loved.

YANBU but mean calling her kids feral, and also for saying that you don't know what someone sees in her. Maybe this is why she's had so many encounters with men? Thinks she's worthless.

WhoNickedMyName · 16/12/2013 21:24

she'll be back home without a pot to piss in, no house nd pg to boot

And you sound like you'll be right there, rubbing your hands together with glee and saying "I told you so".

There really is no genuine concern for the children coming across in any of your posts.

maddening · 16/12/2013 21:31

I think all you can do is tell her your concerns and let her know she can come straight to you if she os not happy at any point - make sure she knows she's not burnt her bridges.

At the same time contact ss - can she check him out on any registers? Not sure where they are up to but there's been lots going on about rights to view registers - doesn't mean he's not dodgy but at least she should check it out if she can

notmyproblem · 16/12/2013 23:03

Good thing you have this friend, OP, however else would you make yourself feel better about your life? Thank God she's so much more a loser, idiot, shitty mother, slag, etc. than you are, otherwise you might be doubting yourself a bit more eh?

If you're genuinely concerned, then do something about it. Otherwise, why not just make all your not very witty and judgey remarks to her face so she can tell you to fuck off seeing as you're clearly not much of a friend at all .

AmberLeaf · 16/12/2013 23:13

Really?

I cannot see what either of them are getting from it, what he sees in her tbh, what he thinks about having 4 feral kids in his house

Ok...

Can anyone else smell something?...

GoshAnneGorilla · 16/12/2013 23:31

If this is as you say, it is a cause for concern as from the sounds of things, she barely knows this man and she could be endangering her children.

I recently attended a talk by someone who runs a project for young people who have experienced sexual abuse, they described a very similar situation and how dangerous it can be for children, so I do think this would be taken seriously if you reported it.

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