Horribly behaved child in nursery

[livingstondaisy]

So there is a child, aged 4,in the nursery we use who behaves terribly despite the best efforts of the staff. He is allowed to play 18 games on the play station at home and acts them out resulting in a lot of killing and shooting which is upsetting my child. This child has also been biting my child unprovoked and has called my Dc fat which is not the case. My dc today said that this child has told everyone santa is not real. I am devastated. It feels like the excitement has been tarnished now and there is doubt. We hoped for a couple years more at least to enjoy the innocence. We would like to speak to nursery about the influence this child is having, especially re the fat comment but is there anything they could actually do?

Is it definitely adult content though? Or just killing and shooting games which kids seem to pick up by osmosis? And how many biting incidents?

The reason I ask is you seem more concerned about Santa and the killing games than you do about the biting. The biting is a less common behaviour and warrants action but I am unsure what evidence you really have this boy is playing in a different way to all the boys and girls who play ninjas or superheroes etc... or how you can be so sure everything unsavoury comes from him. My boy mentions a few kids at nursery who regularly bite/are in trouble but I don't assume they are Damien Omen types and that, say, his recent behaviour is 'because' of them but then I've worked professionally with children and young people my whole life and am aware this is not that uncommon nor is it the same at four as it would be at 7 or 11. What are the actual facts you have verified by an adult etc?

I know this is probably not what you want to hear and can be upsetting, but if the nursery are already aware of the problem and have special measures in place what more can they do?

There's a lad at dd's nursery I imagine is a bit like this, dd is always coming home saying he did this and that. I was annoyed at first, but then I realised from things that she said (ie 'the ladies said xx gets over excited sometimes/put him in the calm down area') that the staff are already aware. This lad possibly has sen as well and while that doesn't excuse it, it is a good lesson for dd that there are all sorts of people in the world that should be accommodated for. Obviously if there's a serious risk of physical or emotional harm it is different. But I just taught my dd to play with someone else if he starts hurting her/her feelings and tell the ladies. It's quite nice to think she's managing the situation without my intervention.

Op I think you are unfairly getting a hard time. I too would be very angry if another child called my child fat and acted out violent scenes to her. Obviously at 4 It's not the case child's fault but yes shock horror I do judge a parent who allows their 4 yo to play 18+ video games. Esp as its having a negative impact on your child.

I was going to say do you know for certain this is happening re: playing 18 games, if so that is certainly a child protection issue. Or is it just gossip?

I would have a word but make sure its not a witchhunt you're after , he is still only 4.

Tapioca my ds was not over biting at 4. He was still biting at 6. But he had autism which wasn't diagnosed until he was older. Until then I had to endure problem child equals poor parenting crap. Time out never worked and he would have terrible meltdowns in them.

I moved his school on the end as they did not help him or other children with his problems and it wasn't very nice for other children to witness as I had other mums tell me.

So fresh start new primary school and he came on leaps and bounds there, he had friends too. He fell apart in high school but thats another story

he's probably high on fruit shoots

Biting doesn't miraculously stop at 2, my DS was bitten occasionally by his friend at 4, he had no SN's, the lad just went through an unfortunate biting phase later than others. Fortunately it's a fairly short phase and if the nursery is dealing with it and removing the child immediately it should stop quickly.
The shooting games always happen, we stopped the children in our nursery from making guns with duplo and Lego, they started using their fingers instead! You can't confiscate fingers, you just have to educate them that there is a time and a place. The PS games are an issue but if the mother has been open enough with you then the staff should be aware as well and will hopefully raise the issue with the parents.
As for Santa, well who is he going to believe, you or this child that he doesn't really like? If he wants to believe then your job is half done, just reinforce what is in his own mind.
Raise your concerns with the staff wrt the child, you'll just have to have faith that they will tackle it head on.

I hope this resolves and you talk to nursery.focus on your child and what nursery do
Re:the Santa thing that's easy fixed,just say who eats the biscuits, brings presents
Of course you're upset,but working closely with nursery will address that