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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Santa Yes or No

34 replies

slippytoes · 15/12/2013 20:14

I feel really bad about lying to DD! To start with, I only told her the whole Santa story because family insisted insert here typical bullshit about ruining christmas forever etc. But I realise that now she's older, at the same time I'm encouraging her to learn more about science and trust in me, I'm also deliberately lying to her by telling her there's a flying fat man who brings toys to children! She's 6 already, and while I don't want to burst her bubble, I keep throwing hints at her (like how do you think reindeers can fly, or how can he deliver so many toys, etc). My fear is that she will find out by other children in her school and then she won't trust me again (I remember I was really disappointed with my old folks when I found out the truth about santa and the tooth fairy).

AIBU? I suppose others have come across this before. Did you tell your children about Santa and if so, did you let them find out or did you have a little talk with them when they were older?

OP posts:

Twattyzombiebollocks · 15/12/2013 20:21

99% of the population of the UK have been fed the lie about the fat man with the flying reindeer and I guarantee all of them found out that it was a big fat whopper by the time they hit year 9. Despite this I have yet to meet anyone whose parental relationship has been significantly damaged by it. Seriously, she is enjoying Christmas now, in a couple of years the bubble will burst and she will still enjoy Christmas then. She may be slightly miffed that you told her porkies for years, but she will soon realise that actually, Christmas is Christmas whether you believe in the fat man or not, and get over it.

Coldlightofday · 15/12/2013 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

happyhev · 15/12/2013 20:25

OP I felt the same as you, and couldn't deliberately lie to my children about santa, so told them from the outset that it was a made up story. It was important to me that my children knew that if they asked me something I would tell them the truth. Their grandparents were horrified. My children are all teens now and say it didn't spoil christmas for them at all, of coarse it will be interesting to see what they do with their own children. We did however tell them not to tell any of their friends that Santa was a myth.

Annunziata · 15/12/2013 20:26

You are being ridiculous!

anotherchristmasnamechange · 15/12/2013 20:31

Not again...this is going to end badly, OP.

My children know Father Christmas is a story, or a game, although they still like to play pretend, they know it isn't real. We decided not to lie to them, and we also didn't want to overshadow the real meaning of Christmas.

Most people do father christmas and get very arsey with people who don't. I do think though that now you've started, there's no benefit in telling your dd it's made up - just let her find out in her own time and don't make FC the focus of your Christmas??

NynaevesSister · 15/12/2013 20:31

Goodness no you're not lying to her. You're giving her a lovely childhood memory.

I've never pushed the idea that Santa brings the presents. Is too difficult to explain why X is getting an iPad but no, you're not. But this year son told me point blank that he knew Santa wasn't real. So I said well that's one way to look at it. The other is that Santa entire existence is just to be there to be nice to children and isn't there something really lovely about that? And if he likes he can still believe that there is this person whose job it is to be nice to children even if you know he doesn't bring the presents.

catsrus · 15/12/2013 20:42

Mine knew it was a nice story as soon as they were able to understand the idea of a story sometimes being about things that don't exist - like nice stories about about faries and talking animals or other things that didn't exist.

I don't agree that 99% of the population grew up believing it to be true at all to be honest - I remember learning in primary school about St Nicholas and different Christmas traditions about him in different countries. I always thought it was a big game - apart from anything else the presents always had "from aunty x or y" on the label! I'm nearly 60 and this trend of lying to children "preserving the magic" is yet another thing that has crept over here from the US fuelled by sentimental films about grumpy old men turning out to REALLY be father Christmas and delivering the presents after all.

Budgiegirlbob · 15/12/2013 21:11

All my children believed utterly and completely in Father Christmas until they were about 9. I reinforced that belief at every oppotunity, encouraging them to stare into the sky in Christmas Eve, putting out the brandy and carrots, even ringing sleigh bells in another room. I feel no guilt at all about lying to them about this.

I can still remember the sheer magic and excitement believing in him created for me as a child. I remember waking up to see a pillowcase of presents at the foot of the bed, and the tingle of pleasure it gave me.

I didn't want to deprive my kids of that excitement that I remember so well. I want them to have those memories too. I wasn't cross or disappointed that my parents lied to me, and my kids are not cross with me.

I credit my kids with enough intelligence to understand and trust me enough that I don't lie about important things to them, but that the big man is a lie worth telling .

AMumInScotland · 15/12/2013 21:39

I'd say, if you've started, this isn't a good time to stop.

But I'd take a very 'low-key' approach to it - not doing the 'bite out of the carrot, floury footprints, follow the Norad tracker' thing of providing 'evidence'. Because I think the more you have done of that, the more guilty you will feel.

Also, probably best of Santa only brings a very small proportion of the presents - like the stocking - and not the main ones.

I'm going to keep out of the whole lying vs magic debate, as I don't have my hard-hat with me

dorothyparka · 15/12/2013 21:47

Are you suggesting that Santa might not be real?
This is news to me

Rosesarebeautiful · 15/12/2013 21:50

I am so glad that my children were young before all this overthinking and judging started.

It's just a childhood fairy story. Do it or don't do it as much as you want. But there's no need to use words like 'bullshit'.

maddy68 · 15/12/2013 21:54

Bloody Nora, it's a 'story' created to bring magic, wonder and happiness.
Don't be ridiculous

JourneyThroughLife · 15/12/2013 22:00

No.
I never lied to my children and so just couldn't do the santa thing right from the start. But I did explain (when they were old enough) that others believed in it and it would spoil it for others if my children 'told' in the playground...
All was fine....

ZombieSanta · 15/12/2013 22:02

Do what you like.

I think it is just (if not more) magical that people can love you so, so much that they want to meet, share a meal and share presents and just be together- and that they care for you enough to want to make you happy with gifts (big, small,whatever) iyswim.

My DS doesn't believe in FC. DS is 4, DTDs are 2. DS figured it out on his own but we hadn't gone full out in the idea. The DTDs get excited about reindeer but are scared of Santa Claus in the grotto etc; so I don't know how we can keep it up/bring them up wih i as believing is from the start, not from about 4 or whatever.

soverylucky · 15/12/2013 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wispaxmas · 15/12/2013 22:04

I think YABU.. I absolutely love the memories of putting milk and cookies out for Santa, trying to sneak a peak of him in the middle of the night, etc. I love the stories, I love the traditions, and I don't remember when I found out he wasn't real, but in sure I was fairly young, and I didn't care whether it was real or not.

You'd be like that mother in miracle on 34th street, taking all the joy and magic out of Christmas if you start saying things like, "you know reindeer don't fly right?"

LittleBearPad · 15/12/2013 22:11

Yes you're right. You're lying and it's all going to be a disaster isn't it...

No?

No you're right. It isn't going to be a disaster at all although I presume you won't do the tooth fairy given it traumatised you so much.

Do get a grip.

softlysoftly · 15/12/2013 22:14

YABU it's a nice story that's sll. I don't even remember "finding out" I just believed then I didn't no biggie. Just don't go overboard on "proof".

VworpVworp · 15/12/2013 22:15

We have never told our children about Father Christmas, nor professed any belief in him... yet they still believe
Nursery has a lot to answer for

Sometimes they ask questions, and we say 'I don't know- how do you think it happens?' or similar. We've never done letters to FC, or left food/drink out for him, and they've never asked to.

This will probably be the last year of believing here (though, tbf, we thought that last christmas) and I do recognise things will be slightly different then.

I suppose we're a "Don't ask, don't tell" household really. It feels wrong to us to lie, but we've never had to.

NoComet · 15/12/2013 22:18

I asked my DDs straight out if they minded being lied to and they both said no it's part of the magic of Christmas.

I wasn't brought up to believe in Santa and DH was. Never bothered me at all I love Christmas.

We just decided given there is so much fuss about Santa these days not believing would be far harder than it was for me.

I did a lot more smiling, nodding and tongue biting over the existence of God going to a church school.

BerryChristmas · 15/12/2013 22:19

Oh Gawd - NOT ANOTHER LYING ABOUT SANTA thread perleese !!

Sammi1986 · 15/12/2013 22:23

I'm 27 and stay at my parents on Xmas eve, and my dad still tries to wake us all up shouting "he's been!"
I have not been traumatised beyond repair, nor do I distrust my dad. He is simply met with eye rolling and the occasional pillow thrown at him

wispaxmas · 15/12/2013 22:29

Sammi, I love your dad

Arkina · 16/12/2013 03:05

Im so glad my parent's 'lied' to me about Santa. I remember the excitement on Xmas Eve leaving carrots mince pies etc out.

Xmas morning tradition was always everyone got up - we waited what seemed like an eternity for our grans to go to the loo - then all stood outside the living room while dad put on the light peeked round and announced `hes been' a tradition we continued til the Xmas before he died and I was 40 and my brother 36 and we had a whole new generation of 'believers'

Personally I think my childhood was enriched by my parents 'lying' to me about Santa

claraschu · 16/12/2013 03:22

Catsrus, this is one thing you really can't blame on the Americans. I am American and now live here, and the Santa hype came as a complete shock to me. I had NO IDEA that Santa fundamentalism even existed until I encountered it (and accidentally said a few wrong things) at my children's primary school here.

I guess that people have a need to "believe" and since you Brits have a very sensible attitude of tolerance, scepticism, and irony when it comes to religion, politics, and the monarchy, you like to make up for it in your attitude to football and Santa.

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