to ask for a present?

59 replies

MerryMarigold · 15/12/2013 17:03

So...the thought of doing this makes me cringe in extreme. But equally, I'm quite cross they have forgotten him ds1's birthday (nb. It was hard to forget, as they were invited to his party but couldn't come).

They got our twins presents last month. We have had 2 family events since and before both ds said, 'I'm not expecting a present, but I'd be really happy if I got one.' Anyway, despite good intentions, he was desperately disappointed each time. He is 8. They gave us a little gift each for the kids for xmas but no birthday gift.

Wwyd? Swallow it and treat as a life lesson say something. I'm particularly upset as ds1 has self esteem issues and this is just another thing for him.

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NurseRoscoe · 15/12/2013 20:06

No one is ever being unreasonable to feel upset, you can't help how you feel. However it is your job as a parent to teach your children an acceptable way to react to situations. Asking for a present is never acceptable. As a parent, I would be annoyed at a family member buying something for one child's birthday and not another so I would tell them that if they don't want to buy presents on both of my children's birthdays don't buy for either. This is relevant to my family as any relations will be related to both children as they have the same dad, it may be different in a family with step children, it would depend on the circumstances, how close they all are etc I expect, I am assuming as you didn't say otherwise that your son has the same dad as the twins?

Original poster

MerryMarigold · 15/12/2013 20:11

Yes, same dad,nurse
Someone else asked.

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shewhowines · 16/12/2013 00:13

I'm just so gobsmacked that so many people wouldn't speak up on behalf of their unfairly treated child.
I wouldn't be speaking to them pressurising them to buy a present, but I would certainly be asking them if they had forgotten because x was a bit upset that they remembered his sisters but not him. How could you not say something? It's probably a genuine error anyway. I'd be horrified if nobody reminded me if I forgot.

foreverondiet · 16/12/2013 00:17

I would be a bit annoyed for an 8 year old. Do you buy for their kids? I would be tempted to say, either you buy for all three kids or none of them, not fair to buy for two. But if they then choose not to buy at all that's fine.

foreverondiet · 16/12/2013 00:21

Re: 3 kids vs 2. If you feel strongly then spend a bit more or less eg I spend more in my nephew as he only child and sil/bil buying for my 3 kids. But it's swings and roundabouts as now sil/bil getting my dc hand me downs and saving lots of money.

MusicalEndorphins · 16/12/2013 00:47

Once, at Christmas, the year I had a 5 month old and a 12 year old, friends forgot about the 12 year old. They brought a present for the 5 month old and for dh & I.
I brought it up quietly at the end of the night to the woman, and she was mortified. They just forgot, and felt horrible when they realized.
Anyways, what I said was something along the line of "X feels a little hurt, I can tell when you put the presents under the tree and he went over and read the tags and there wasn't one for him. Rather than leave one child out out, it would be better to not bother with presents"

Original poster

MerryMarigold · 16/12/2013 10:56

Oh musicalendorphins, that so . I can totally see how he must have been devastated. I am torn between thinking it was just that they forgot, although this has never happened before - and there is no undue stress that I know of, or small babies around, or new jobs starting, which there have been before.

My gut instinct would be that it is because they didn't come to the party. BIL doesn't get dh presents unless he has a party! As dh's birthday is a few days before BIL's daughter (dh's niece) he never does have a party - except his 40th, as she, being a kid, gets to have the party. BIL has told him straight out that he won't get a present if he doesn't have party! In fact, he doesn't even get a card.

Thanks for the advice. Dh is going to give a call tonight (we shall see if he does...) and say some of things that have been said here. I shall cut and paste helpful comments. Thanks all.

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Original poster

MerryMarigold · 16/12/2013 10:58

foreveronadiet, I think I do generally spend more on their 2, but not counting!

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AlexReidsLonelyBraincell · 16/12/2013 12:31

Musical that happened to me, more than once. I was older when my siblings were born, still young enough to feel left out though. I can still remember how hurt I felt.
Thank you for speaking up on your son's behalf, my mum didn't for me (she had an "Oh get on with it attitude") and I would have appreciated it.

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