AIBU to just want to pay for what I had...

[formerbabe]

So I go for dinner with a large group of people. I am the only one not drinking...I drink water all night while everyone else knocks back the wine and beer. When the bill comes, it is divided up evenly between everyone. My food came to £35 but I end up paying £55! For the sake of not destroying the festive spirit, I pay up, but its not really OK, is it?

As others have said, if you are going out in a group, you need to establish what everybody is doing before the bill comes. when it's a larger group, it particularly makes sense to get the drinks separately at the bar, throughout the night, then everyone splits into their own little rounds and it is fairly sorted.
So, no, YANBU to not want to pay £20 for wine you've not had, but YWBU for not saying at the beginning that you were only on water tonight so would prefer to only pay for your food and not get involved in splitting drinks bills as well.

tumbletumble I don't think he was thinking tbh. Just looked at the easiest way to do it.

YANBU - I have turned down a night out with some ex-work colleagues next week for just this reason. They are all now highly paid contractors and one has form for always organising a drinks kitty, which means I either end up with drinks way too fast, or I don't get my moneys worth. I just can't afford to pay the £60+ that the evening will invariably cost.

I tend to make sure that I can now drink on nights out - much better than the embarassment of trying to point out that I didn't have any of the wine, or if I drive make sure I give a few people lifts so they can mention it at bill time.

however you do need to speak up. We had our school mums night out a few weeks ago, someone arrived late and just had a starter and water to drink - clearly trying not to spend to much. However when the bill was split, it was me who had to mention it, she just sat there. In that situation I would have either not gone, or asked for a separate bill .

I find usually the people who have a lot more tend to want to pay for their extra, which I encourage, if you want more and are happy to pay it why be made to feel bad at the end of the night? but I am the same, I usually have a lot less food or drink at a meal.

For example on Saturday night my food came to £10 (I know we went for a cheap curry where you could bring your own drink) but we all put in £15, fine.

Another time I went for a meal and my food and drink came to £15, I had to put in £30, I was a bit miffed at that.

I wouldn't ever start a meal by saying 'I'm going to pay seperately' but when the bill comes I'd say 'I'm only paying for my food because I didn't drink, hope that's cool'

Quite often I order less because I'm skint, I don't mind telling people that, I figure surely they'd rather I came out and had less than them than I stayed at home?

I don't understand why everyone assumes that you will split. I go under the assumption that we pay for what we had.
Seriously my friends order 18 pound steaks and 5 pound beers whereas I'll have a 9 pound veggie dish and a coke. If they wanted to spilt that I'd think they were joking.

Thants Me neither. It seems to be a "thing" in England and a rather middle class thing at that. I've eaten out with all kinds of people but there's definitely a type who expect to split bills.

Greenshadows, yes. The OP here drank tap wáter, but the number of times I have been out with friends who are either 'not drinking' or are pregnant, sit there and say 'I'll 'just' have an Orange Juice, or I'll 'just' have a coke' and wait for me to go to the bar. It costs MORE than the pint I am having.

In an expensive gastro pub in Exeter the other day I ordered a pint, offered my friend a drink and she said 'I'll just have a pot of tea' clearly not intending to pay as it was tea and I was having a pint. The tea was more.

Agree with znaika
Here in Spain, (where I normally live) a beer is a euro, a coke is 1,50.

Aside from tap wáter, don't asume your mineral wáter, coffee etc, is cheaper than the split bottle of wine.

I drink (alot!) but never have the pudding, never have the coffee, I resent paying for those who do. Coffee in restaurants in the UK is generally bad and a complete rip off, yet everyone orders it and I sit cringing at the extra X amount that is going to be added to the bill for a really horrible coffee.

However OP, my little rant aside! YADNBU, just learn from this and say at he outset.

I have never been to a restaurant where a small coke isn't much less than any of the booze. And if I have a soft drink I'll have one and then have tap water.