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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to just want to pay for what I had...

59 replies

formerbabe · 15/12/2013 12:13

So I go for dinner with a large group of people. I am the only one not drinking...I drink water all night while everyone else knocks back the wine and beer. When the bill comes, it is divided up evenly between everyone. My food came to £35 but I end up paying £55! For the sake of not destroying the festive spirit, I pay up, but its not really OK, is it?

OP posts:

DoJo · 15/12/2013 14:11

I think the onus is on you to point out the discrepancy - it doesn't have to be a big deal or sour the evening, but hoping that someone else will have been paying attention to what you have eaten/drunk is a little unrealistic.

Slatecross · 15/12/2013 18:12

One of our group has form for bill quibbling and it drives us mad. She usually only has one alcoholic drink and on that basis insists on her own bill BUT still tucks into the bread/olives. It'd be fine if she would let it rest at that but even when we all chuck in a round amount for the food, she demands a separate bill for hers.
And at one do, she waited till everyone had paid their bill plus a tip. So say the bill was £80 at £20 a head and we all put in £25, the tip effectively covered her bill, so she didn't pay!!! We only sussed what had happened the following day!

Purplehonesty · 15/12/2013 18:15

Oh I hate that. I was out with friends and pg so by drinking.
They split the bill and I ended up paying for doubles, cocktails and all sorts that I had not had.
And yet I couldn't quite bring myself to say hey this isn't fair as I didn't want to look mean!

Safmellow · 15/12/2013 18:39

YANBU. I have been in similar situations on both sides and I would never expect someone who had eaten one course pay towards my starter, pudding and coffee! Don't think it is too much to ask for everyone to quickly tot up what their share is and add a percentage tip.

Annoyingly we once had someone in a group who always 'forgot' to get cash out before the meal, so would collect all the money off everyone and pay on her credit card. Turns out she wasn't adding on the tips we left so was making a bloody profit on it every time!

NigellaLaw5on · 15/12/2013 18:39

There's no point whining here after the event, in future, either be upfront about not subsidising peoples alcohol or do it when the bill arrives but do something. There's no point stewing over £20 when you could've saved yourself the grief.

MrsCakesPremonition · 15/12/2013 18:43

I rarely drink, but budget on the assumption that I'm going to have to split the bill with everyone. If I can't afford the equal split, I don't go.
Most of the time my friends are lovely and jiggle the bill to make it fairer, or pay my share of the tip or whatever.

FunnyFestiveTableRunner · 15/12/2013 18:44

Non-drinkers shouldn't be subsidising drinkers. Just say in future that you'll just be paying for your food plus tip.

catgirl1976 · 15/12/2013 18:46

I think you should all split the bill equally when out in a group

However:

if I order something more expensive than everyone else I will pay extra

if I notice someone isn't drinking and everyone else is, I will suggest they pay less

If I notice someone didn't have a starter, had a really cheap main, passed on pudding etc, I will suggest they pay less

if someone doesn't want to split the bill equally they should say at the start of the meal they want to keep theirs separate and that's fine

gimcrack · 15/12/2013 19:27

You should have had to pay for drinks, but maybe no one noticed you were on tap water? If they did notice, then they are out of order. Next time just say you're not paying.

Once, I organised a hen do to a seafood restaurant and made it very clear we all paid for our own, plus covered the bride. One hen ordered three courses then got mighty cross when I refused to split the bill - particularly as one woman only had chips as she was veggie.

gimcrack · 15/12/2013 19:28

'Shouldn't', rather. Stupid phone...

specialsubject · 15/12/2013 19:35

splitting a food bill evenly always works, never out by more than a pound or two.

alcohol at restaurant prices as a different matter. Friends with manners should realise this.

I don't drink (don't like the stuff), although himself does it so we split the bill evenly in the group. But in your position, argue.

NotAsTired · 15/12/2013 19:41

YANBU.

I don't mind food being split equally even if I have the veggie option and others have steak but I refuse to pay for other people's drinks, as I tend to drink water when out for a meal. I am fairly upfront about it and always ask the bill to be split into food and drink.

When I was much much younger, I ended up paying £30 when my meal had come to less than a tenner because people were drinking so much and I only had water to drink. That was the last time I paid for people's drinks.

yellowGiraffe8 · 15/12/2013 19:53

Yanbu, I don't go on group events for this reason. I've known normally tight people suddenly order steak, beer and wine when they know the bill will be split

I'm not willing to subsidise the piss takers, so I only go for meals with close friends for this reason.

petalsandstars · 15/12/2013 19:55

I went out with 3 couples and a friend whose partner couldn't make it and various kids between us. My DH suggested just splitting the bill into 4, my friend looked awkward but didn't say anything but I said uh no thats not fair. We ended up splitting it per adult as otherwise she'd have has to pay practically double but dividing per person just added a couple of pounds to each couples bill but was much more realistic to what my lone friend had had.

I can't stand some subsidising others on meals out when there are vast differences.

tumbletumble · 15/12/2013 19:56

I would expect the bill splitter to calculate 2 prices - 1 for drinkers and 1 for non drinkers.

YANBU

MrsCakesPremonition · 15/12/2013 19:57

^^
This is why I never volunteer to split the bill.

tumbletumble · 15/12/2013 19:58

Petal I can't believe your DH suggested the lone friend should pay as if she were a couple! What was he thinking??

tumbletumble · 15/12/2013 20:00

MrsCakes it's usually me!

HearMyRoar · 15/12/2013 20:02

I'm t total, I generally round up my food costs so end up paying a few quid more and then leave the drinkers to split the rest however they like. As long as you are clear how much you are putting in and don't make it a big deal I think that's fine. I just couldn't afford to pay £20 extra for other people's wine I'm afraid.

MrsCakesPremonition · 15/12/2013 20:02

Then you deserve and .

I get flustered by the pressure and 101 voices all trying to tell me how to do it.

MarlenaGru · 15/12/2013 20:02

I think in some circumstances - ie 8 or 10 people it is so difficult to split the bill fairly for each person. I am pregnant at the moment and don't mind splitting eventhough I am not drinking as I had the penny counting.

There is one of my friend group who is vegetarian and doesn't drink so she often insists on not splitting the bill. That is fair enough except when we all had breakfast and she wanted to pay £1 less than the rest of us as had only one drink rather than 2 (juice and tea). I think common sense prevails! At a recent carnivorous meal we ensured the veggies paid less as their bean burgers were much cheaper.

BoneyBackJefferson · 15/12/2013 20:04

it is a family favourite ("D"B) to try and split the bill by adult.

Group of 4 (2 adults 2 children)
Group of 3 (2 adults 1 child)
Group of 2 (2 adults)
and me.

Frankly feck that. Its one of the many reasons we are NC.

carlywurly · 15/12/2013 21:07

As an occasional drinking veggie, yanbu. I've subbed others to the tune of hundreds over the years. Puts me off going out sometimes just on the principle. The worst was a £50 bill for my £8 margherita pizza and coke.
So bloody awkward though.

olibeansmummy · 15/12/2013 22:41

Tbh the ones who go one about hating people who won't split the bill are the ones who drink, order 3 courses etc...

We used to go out regularly with a few couples and one of the wives must have had an eating disorder where she wouldn't eat in public but binged in private was a fussy eater, so would come with us, eat nothing but drink double vodkas and coke. When the bill came ( food and drinks combined) someone ( not the couple themselves although they never questioned it) would always that as X hadn't eaten, the couple should only pay for one person. No, she may not have eaten but I can guarantee her multiple double vodkas cost more than my curry and diet coke more fool us though for going along with it though tbh!

GreenShadowsOfTheChristmasTree · 16/12/2013 15:59

Yet today I was out for lunch with a friend - she had half a pint and I had an orange juice - mine cost more than double hers!!!

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