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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that SiL is not actually being that helpful?

87 replies

MumJokes · 15/12/2013 11:28

Everyone is coming to ours for an extended stay over Christmas. I will be doing ALL the cooking and all the everything else.

SiL has emailed me a helpful list of all the things she and her son do and don't like to eat.

Petit filous for breakfast.
Carrots only if cooked.
Nothing too oniony.
Skips or cheese strings or soft fruit for snacks.
Broccoli, cauliflower and peas are fine.
No to aubergine, courgette or squash.
Pesto only if home made.
occasional low sugar juice for a treat but mostly water or milk to drink.
Brioche toasted with proper butter.

It goes on and on...

Apparently she thought the list might help me out.

Aibu? Or is she being a socialy stunted arsehole?

OP posts:
betterwhenthesunshines · 15/12/2013 14:20

Some of it is quite helpful eg about the drinks, as it saves you buying lots of J20 type drinks that you might get as children's drinks.

I also think knowing what people prefer for breakfast is quite helpful when you are hosting lots of people.

All the stuff about onions, courgettes etc I would just completely ignore and cook whatever you would norma;;y do - that's just part of being a visitor - you eat what you're given.

And then I would suggest that she brings any snacks she likes.

Why are you doing it all? If they are with you for a number of days, can't you share the cooking?

DontmindifIdo · 15/12/2013 14:22

Is SIL your DH's sister, or married to your DB or your BIL?

I agree with replying that she can bring anything she wants to.

kidinasweetshop · 15/12/2013 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IneedAsockamnesty · 15/12/2013 14:27

According to a thread I read on here once YES pine nuts can be a issue for nut allergies, can't remember exactly what but something to do with legumes
Apparently peanuts are part of the legumes (beans) family and that also includes soya and even garden peas

pianodoodle · 15/12/2013 14:43

Other people on here are much more tolerant than me I must be an awful person!

Who the hell sends an email like that?! YANBU what an arse!

I'd probably and up have to be polite if it was DH's family but he'd have to do an awful lot of persuading for me not to get on the phone and tell her to shove it!

pianodoodle · 15/12/2013 14:43

Should have been end up having to be polite

MadAsFish · 15/12/2013 14:46

Sapfu you're on fire today!

lapetitesiren · 15/12/2013 15:03

It is embarrassing if people go to a lot of trouble and then you can' t eat it. She hasn' t told you what to do its just a long list of suggestions- giving you opportunity to include what suits you. She might be happy to contribute home made pesto. Even if her motives weren' t nice how you deal with it this time sets a precedent for future behaviour. Perhaps shes someone who ties herself in knots worrying when she is doing the entertaining in case people aren' t happy and is genuinely trying to help. Either way its not worth falling out over.

YetAnotherNN · 15/12/2013 15:20

She's being cheeky. Email her back and tell her if she needs to bring food for herself then that's fine and you'll clear space in the fridge for things she 'needs'.

Preciousbane · 15/12/2013 15:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LegoStillSavesMyLife · 15/12/2013 16:21

I realise I maybe entirely missing the point but..

Do people really butter brioche? Having I been doing it wrong for years? I make my poor deprived DC eat it as is. Poor lambs.

Back to the point If I had asked what the child liked I wouldn't mind receiving list like that (provided child was under 5). Other than that I'd be fuming! and adding onions purée to everything

MoominMammasHandbag · 15/12/2013 16:35

I think you would be entirely reasonable to point out that you have read her email but as you are catering for x number of people you are unable to take every single person's preferences into account, or you would never be able to find a single meal to suit everyone.
Point out that you are all going to have to muck in and roll with it and that "special" food for one PFB is likely to cause resentment among the other children.

LingDiLong · 15/12/2013 16:40

I agree entirely with Moomin. Your SIL is being incredibly rude and precious. I'd send an email back saying that it'll be a very busy period for you and there's no way you'll be able to remember or accomodate such an extensive list but you'll make sure you leave space in the fridge if they want to bring their own food.

And that would be a far more polite email than she deserves...

BalloonSlayer · 15/12/2013 16:43

"Thank you for your list. It is certainly informative. I do have one concern - I am not sure you are quite at a point where you are able to spend Christmas at someone else's house. Being a guest involves eating with good grace anything served to you, bringing any special dietary requirements with you, helping out willingly and with good cheer and generally not behaving like Mariah Carey. As I say, I don't think you are ready to stay with anyone."

Slainte · 15/12/2013 16:47

Great response BalloonSlayer though I'd never have the courage to say that in RL.

Caitlin17 · 15/12/2013 16:56

I wondered about "proper" and "improper butter".

Maybe she's thinking of Last Tango in Paris.

rookietherednosedreindeer · 15/12/2013 17:10

Goodness.
I have a fussy DS and whilst I absolutely loved it when we were going to stay somewhere and they asked me what I liked, I try not to be an imposition ,so I think my email was that he would try to eat whatever was provided, if there was some bread then that would be fine. However if they were able to get in some fishfingers that would be wonderful.

She sounds like a royal pain, but it is Christmas and if her DC is fussy then I kind of get that she is worried about losing control over meal times - although the homemade pesto is hysterical. I actually get what she is saying about the butter - I cannot stand those " I can't believe it's not butter " things and somepeople think that marg is the same as butter, which it clearly isn't.

The kindest response would to be to say that you will try to make sure there is something they can eat at each meal and you will try to keep in mind their preferences. However for the specific food items eg the petit filous etc, could they bring them themselves or arrange for a delivery once they arrive as I'm sure SIL will appreciate it's a very busy time for you, what with preparing for all those guests.

I look forward to hearing about the visit.

Creamycoolerwithcream · 15/12/2013 17:11

I'd definitely ask her to supply petit filous, snacky things, lots of brioches and the proper butter.

Original poster
MumJokes · 15/12/2013 17:57

Oh it has been a tonic reading all these replies. Very cathartic! I am trying very hard to Mary Poppins my way through this Christmas with all of husband's family. I may need more gin.

Child in question is 6 by the way, and has no allergies. The thing is I don't buy petit filous and Skips because I can't afford them at the rate my hoards would devour them. I suppose it must be nice to have an only and take an interest in their brand preferences for breakfast, and I mean that genuinely. A window into how others live. Ahh me.

OP posts:
reup · 15/12/2013 18:07

I loved sapfus email. I snorted like a pig laughing on the train and people stared.

FryOneFatChristmasGoose · 15/12/2013 18:08

OP, then ask her to bring stuff with her, the sort that you don't buy but is on her list, as others have suggested.

As for nothing too oniony, I don't get that. I cook many meals with onions in and my DCs, who say they don't like onion, didn't notice and ate it happily, especially when I didn't mention the onion. It was just a flavouring among others.

MoominMammasHandbag · 15/12/2013 19:19

I do think it is divisive though, for her PFB to be scoffing his Petit Filous while all the other children are having value yogs, or whatever MumJokes has provided. If she brings anything treaty, then she should bring enough for all the children.

HelloBoys · 15/12/2013 19:41

I probably wouldn't do an email but when your guest arrived I'd probably be tempted to make a sarky comment or two. Highly childish but would have to say something.

OP from what you say re the treats you've got a fairly tight budget for food so I'd offer to take her to nearest sainsburys for her supplies when she's arrived.

Also you could point out to her (phone call) this tomfoolery of year is a bit tight financially foodwise so could you contribute/ bring your own food down? Say you'll be sup

Tapiocapearl · 15/12/2013 21:11

Either reply saying 'please bring anything your kids are specifically faddy about'

Or ignore the email totally, continued as planned with original meal ideas and if asked reply 'what email? I must have missed it'

Tapiocapearl · 15/12/2013 21:15

Blimey what a faddy kid! Parent! Mine would just roll up and enjoy anything going. Even if we're picky about the odd thing, I'd not tell people. Part of them expanding their food repertoire is meeting new/different foods when at people's houses.