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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that SiL is not actually being that helpful?

87 replies

MumJokes · 15/12/2013 11:28

Everyone is coming to ours for an extended stay over Christmas. I will be doing ALL the cooking and all the everything else.

SiL has emailed me a helpful list of all the things she and her son do and don't like to eat.

Petit filous for breakfast.
Carrots only if cooked.
Nothing too oniony.
Skips or cheese strings or soft fruit for snacks.
Broccoli, cauliflower and peas are fine.
No to aubergine, courgette or squash.
Pesto only if home made.
occasional low sugar juice for a treat but mostly water or milk to drink.
Brioche toasted with proper butter.

It goes on and on...

Apparently she thought the list might help me out.

Aibu? Or is she being a socialy stunted arsehole?

OP posts:
fromparistoberlin · 15/12/2013 12:00

agree 100% with the deliberate misunderstanding suggestions, LOVE it

MyMILisfromHELL · 15/12/2013 12:01

If I were you I'd 'accidentally' forward her email to the entire family.

Your sil is indeed a socially stunted arsehole.

Shente · 15/12/2013 12:04

Yes, definitely ask her to bring it all, my dd is only one so I always make sure I have a good supply of things I know she can/will eat with me, just in case she didn't like what was offered. It would never occur to me to expect someone else to provide this!

Caitlin17 · 15/12/2013 12:09

Is there any possibility sil is a Mumsnetter?

If by any chance she's reading this I'd like to point out drinking water comes out of the kitchen tap in my house.

lapetitesiren · 15/12/2013 12:13

Sounds like someone with too much time on their hands but surely its a bit helpful to know what people do / don' t like when menu planning- shes not actually asking you to provide it is she??? Can you send her back a rough meal/ snack plan and invite her to contribute some extra shopping if shes worried her son will be dissappointed - it is christmas after all and you don' t want a whiny kid spoiling it for everyone.

eurochick · 15/12/2013 12:15

Ridiculous. What she should say is that PFB (presumably) can be a bit fussy and would there be any space in the fridge for a few snacks like Petit Filous that you know PFB will eat? And then bring them herself, of course.

Teeb · 15/12/2013 12:17

Please email her saying how great it would be if she brought all of her own stuff, and you'll clear some space. I love making entitled people squirm around a bit when they are put on the spot about these things.

DoItTooBabyJesus · 15/12/2013 12:17

I agree with TSSDNCOP.

You'd be pretty mad if they ended up not eating anything. However, she should be buying it/helping you out with it all!

tobiasfunke · 15/12/2013 12:21

Is she your visitor from hell? My SIL did the same to my MIL before she visited with her son. Long list of stuff needed for her DS for 5 days- cost MIL £140 in Tesco and then she threw an almighty rage because she got the wrong sort of rice cakes. My SIL does it because she has to make every situation about herself. Personally I laughed heartily as MIL has never once even got in as much as a biscuit in for DS (5) when we go- I have to bring it all or am sent to the shop to buy him something.
If I were you I'd email her back and tell her as nicely as you can to get her own stuff as you will be busy and don't want to get the wrong thing -that you will do what you can to accommodate her DS but she should maybe bring backups.

whereisshe · 15/12/2013 12:23

Wow. If my SIL emailed me that list
(a) I'd ring her up and laugh at her (but then we were mates before I was with DH so possibly easier to call her on bullshit), and
(b) I'd reply with a request for "don't eat under any circumstances" rather than "preferences". Seriously, it's good for people to eat new things - it broadens the mind Grin (would be my line anyway, as I can't be arsed dealing with fussiness like to challenge people to be good guests)

GenericNWFucker · 15/12/2013 12:32

I would actually ignore the email. Just not reply at all. If she emails again pushing for a response, just say "oh yes think I got that one, obvs I'm v busy - we'll have the basics/usuals in but they'll be fridge/cupboard space for any extras you might want to bring". And leave it at that. Do nothing differently, and get nothing in that you wouldn't otherwise. If she asks for petit filou at breakfast say "oh we don't get that, we've got toast, cereal etc" and smile! If pushed - "oh yes get some by all means if DS likes them - we'll find space in the fridge somehow!"

Make your normal meals, and if she complains about any component - "it's up to you what you make DS eat!" Smile again.

The problem about her being so entitled is that it's bound to make ppl less accommodating! Whatever you do, don't forward meal plans!! Jeez! She is a normal person, treat her like one...

FunnyFestiveTableRunner · 15/12/2013 12:32

She's a loon. I would bring any special snack stuff. Homemade pesto FFS! :o

I like Coconutty's email. That said, you don't want to have a huge atmosphere over Christmas so don't do anything drastic. But you could def use a version of Coconutty's email, just say sooo glad you are bringing the petit filous, skips etc as I never buy them!

Also might be worth having a couple of ready meals in, just in case anything is 'too oniony' (whatever the fuck that actually means). Then you can always say, 'No problem DSIL, there's a Birds Eye roast beef dinner in the freezer, onion-free heaven on a plate in eight mins flat, help yourself!'

Branleuse · 15/12/2013 12:33

send sapfus email. Go on go on

sapfu · 15/12/2013 12:41

DEar SIL,

you have totally fucked up my plans for brioche and margarine starter, jarred pesto coated turkey served with raw carrot and many, many very oniony onions stuffing, and aubergines, courgettes and squashes of all kinds as a main course, with high sugar juice (undiluted) served with a straw for dessert.

Frankly, you have RUINED Christmas. You bastard.

You'll get cornflakes for breakfast and like it. There will be no snacks. I am in charge of all vegetables served in this house, and their state - raw, cooked, or boiled to fucking mush (as is tradition).

So looking forward to seeing you,

MumJokes.

PS You'd better bring me an AMAZING present or I'm soaking your bedsheets in with my oniony onions.

SarahBumBarer · 15/12/2013 12:49

Gosh - I'm obviously massively easy going. I know you said the list goes on but what was there was not that bad. A lot of it was stuff they are fine with (eg the veggies) and it IS useful to have an idea of what kids like for breakfast.

If that were me, I would buy in the petit filou quite happily but email back and say that we do not have brioche so if she really wants some she is welcome to bring her own and we will find some storage space.

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 15/12/2013 12:54

This made me laugh

What a cow

BarbaraWoodlouse · 15/12/2013 13:08

Can we have the whole list please? For piss taking analysis purposes. Grin

BoneyBackJefferson · 15/12/2013 13:22

email back that you bought chips and chicken nuggets for them.

MangoLangoTango · 15/12/2013 13:39

Just email her back and tell her to bring the stuff that she and her son will eat. If anything thing that you cooked is deemed acceptable to them, bonus. If not, they will just have to live on skips and brioche. But then again, I'm thick skinned like that.

Marcelinewhyareyousomean · 15/12/2013 13:58

I'd send coconutty's email back and forward it to each family to say space might be short so could they let them know what they will contribute so you can make room. I'd also suggest that each family group (and not the mum of each family) make dinner one night for everyone else.

My dsis had Christmas at hers a few years ago. I set up a grocery shop that the adults had the password to. We did an initial joint shop that everyone broadly agreed to. A few things got added and we split the cost. Rule was that all food belonged to all and that leftovers were left at sister's. Bil is very tight but it still worked.

FunkyBoldRibena · 15/12/2013 14:06

Or just 'We've got plenty of storage so feel free, bring whatever food you want, we don't mind, we'll all work around it and just have different cooking times if it helps'.

NurseRoscoe · 15/12/2013 14:11

Some people's answers on here have really really amused me!

She is being completely unreasonable! My OH is very fussy, to the extent he only eats pizza, chips, bread & cheese and certain desserts, maybe a few other things. I think he deserves to enjoy christmas too and not be forced to eat things he doesn't like however whilst I will always tell people in advance (he won't) so they aren't offended or anything, he grew up in care & I think some of it is down to food phobias or deeper issues which I hope we will deal with in time however we will always buy and cook his things if visiting my parents or offer to take them out to a place that serves things he likes. It is difficult however everyone understands.

I would NEVER insist someone gets things in for him, people often ask what my 2 year old will eat and that's pretty easy as he eats pretty much everything apart from baked beans and they are rarely an important part of a meal, he can just have whatever it is without the beans!

BackforGood · 15/12/2013 14:13

PLEASE send Sapfu's e-mail Grin

Balaboosta · 15/12/2013 14:15

I'm going to go against the flow here and say could be construed as helpful. When we went to stay with some friends in the summer, I was asked to send a list of things the children would and wouldn't eat . Okay I was asked to do this so that makes a difference. But it could be really useful. If you're feeling put upon, ask her to bring some things that will be useful. Like a Tupperware tub of her homemade pesto for starters. Co-operate and look for the best in people.

NurseRoscoe · 15/12/2013 14:18

Oh & 2 year old isn't allowed fizzy drinks yet but would drink tap water if there was no juice or milk so that is never a problem either.

Bottom line is if you want special food due to fussiness or ridiculous unreasonable parenting rules not down to allergies bring and serve your own! YANBU!!

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