to be annoyed at my inlaws for having a favourite grandchild?

[Notsoyummymummy1]

I have a 2 year old dd and she has a female cousin of the same age - let's call her Sophie (not her real name) who is the daughter of dh's younger sister. Mil looks after Sophie once a week as dh's sister works and I am a SAHM. My inlaws come over to see dd for a couple of hours once a week but obviously spend a lot more time with Sophie and know her better. Consequently all we ever hear about is Sophie does this and Sophie does that - whenever we tell them what dd has been up to - they just make it all about Sophie. They know very little about DD compared with my own parents.

DD is unfortunately much shyer round my inlaws whereas as Sophie is very outgoing so when we are all together the focus is very much on Sophie and I feel bad for dd. Things have got worse recently as dh's sister, her husband and Sophie have "temporarily" moved in with my inlaws while they do their new house up. My inlaws have cut down on their visiting because they've been helping them out with the move etc. and I can't help feeling DD is getting sidelined again. Dh feels the same way. My inlaws now look after Sophie a lot more while DH's sister and her husband go out or work on the house so talk about her even more. The other they rang dh and he said they were talking so much about them lot they didn't even ask how dd was.

We all get on very well and I don't want to jeopardize that at all but how do we deal with this to keep ourselves sane and to make sure dd isn't neglected? Has anyone else had this to deal with?

SatinSandals, no I didnt ask them have DD when i went back to work, as MIL works full time. I arranged a nursery place for her.

DP's neice didnt ask either, MIL offered and dropped a day at work to look after GGD. Neice no longer works but MIL hasnt offered to have DD instead. If she had offered I would have turned her down as I dont want to rely on her (MIL and FIL go on holidays a lot and long weekends away so it would have meant trying to find childcare again)

I wonder if she isn't just as talkative about your DD to others.

My DSis and I had baby's last winter just six weeks apart, mine the eldest. Until I compared notes with my DSis I was convinced my father had a favourite of her DD. For example, when I called him recently to tell him of DS's first steps, he talked over me to tell me that DNeice was almost walking and was clearly going to be soon. My DSis called me laughing as she has told him about how DNeice had taken her first steps last week to be told "oh, lambzigs DS's has been walking for ages, he is very advanced". Could that be going on?

As for the event after Christmas, could you head it off by telling her your DD needs some time with grandma to herself. I wouldn't have let the missed visit go either, I would have said "totally understand that you were double booked, but DD was upset not to see you". She sounds a very busy woman, and clearly loves her family, so perhaps you have to gently nudge her a little.

Aarghh hideous autocorrect grocers apostrophe. Babies of course.

It is sad and it is hard to be the parent of the less favoured grandchild
but it has to be acknowledged that proximity plays a large part. I know my husband feels a bit sad that his parents spend so much more time and have more involvement with my nephew, though our boys are only 6 months apart, but MIL and SIL live in Ireland, in villages a few minutes apart, and there would be no work for DH there.

It's a bittersweet reminder everytime we go home and hear about all the things DN is up to (and he has the age advantage so everything DS does, DN has done it first). Bitter because they miss out on DS, sweet because we love DN and hearing about everything he is doing (but would prefer to hear about it from SIL rather than a doting grandma IYSWIM).

It would hurt more but then DS is my parents' only DGC, and my mum is more tech-friendly so we Skype in the morning at breakfast time several times a week. They love him without compare and it is wonderful. I would Skype my MIL more but she is just not as comfortable with it and I always feel like a bit of an intruder unless I have good reason to call, whereas my mum and I just have a mindless chat while having a cup of tea and watching DS play.

do they have other interests? perhaps this other GC is literally the focus of their lives and they have nothing else to talk about.

i wouldn't see it as favouritism as such ....yet. just their lives are enmeshed with the others and you are separate as you should be.

Never been jealous of the attention my DB's children get from my parents. They live closer, have benefitted from childcare over the years, but there'll be payback time when my parents need more care themselves! Once DCs are older, they develop their own relationships with their grandparents, so really don't worry about it.

I grew up hundreds of miles away from my grandparents. Our cousins lived five minutes down the road. Obviously they had much more contact over the years. Whenever we visited, we got updates about what our cousins had been up to (until they'd made the five-minute walk to tell us themselves!)

And honestly, we absolutely loved those stories. We loved our cousins and we loved hearing our nan and grandad talk about what they'd been up to. I think about those stories a lot now they aren't around - they were proud of us all and it brings a tear to my eye to think of them sharing all our achievements over the years with anyone who'd listen.

Our grandparents didn't love our cousins more than they loved us just because they saw them more often. There was never an issue of favouritism - because there were no favourites. I cannot stress how lucky I feel to be close to my extended family - including all my cousins - and I'm glad our parents encouraged that closeness. That's what I urge you to focus on - encouraging your LO and her cousin to be great friends.

Hmm unless you have been thw brunt of this sort of situation it is easy to suggest that posters are oversensitive.

In my case my husband is often referred to as a mistake in his family and derided at amy opportunity no matter what he does.

This has passed down to the grandchildren one is getting a car for Christmas another is getting tickets gfor a show another is getting a new console mine is having a cd.

They have never babysat for my child but will regularly drive 70 mile rpund trip to collect and return one of the pthers.