Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder if he really exists (or just to want it)

68 replies

idiuntno57 · 14/12/2013 20:29

DH is fervent cafflick. Kids brought up as such.

I am an atheist but it strikes me that I would enjoy life a whole lot more if I believed.

OP posts:
PansOnFire · 14/12/2013 20:32

Life is enjoyed when you are fulfilled. YABU to turn to religion purely for the benefit it will have on you, that sort of goes against it really. But maybe give it a go, just be prepared for the 'guilt'.

LeaveTheBastid · 14/12/2013 20:35

Nah. I don't need to believe in a God to believe in myself and make my own life's choices, or to give it some sort of extra meaning.

Maybe I'll be proven wrong one day, but until then I'll just get on with living my life because as far as it has been proven this is the only one we have.

anotherchristmasnamechange · 14/12/2013 20:38

YANBU. No guilt in Christianity when it's practised properly, just forgiveness.

No harm in finding out more, OP. Catholic churches usually have a group for adults interested in finding out more. Some will be getting confirmed at the end, b ut there's no obligation if it's not for you. At the very least you might gain more insight into your dh's and dcs' faith.

anotherchristmasnamechange · 14/12/2013 20:39

That's the thing about faith, you'll never have proof either way - there's always a leap of faith involved.

Original poster
idiuntno57 · 14/12/2013 20:45

thing is I go every week, support fairs etc. and love the people there. I just don't have faith.

I feel wanting.

OP posts:
PeriodFeatures · 14/12/2013 20:51

Yes of course she exists!!

Basically what people call God is a life force or spirit or consciousness or whatever.

It exists everywhere and when we are attuned to it we are in absolute truth and love.

All you have to do is this:

  1. Acknowledge it.
  1. Have gratitude

3 Believe in magic.

Try it for a week or so and your life will be illluminated.

Religion has just taken it (This ^^) and packaged it up. The rituals and rites can help but we don't really need them.

If you find you struggle with any of the above, spend time in nature.

Good Luck!!

PeriodFeatures · 14/12/2013 20:54

If you have any questions, I'm happy to answer them. BTW I go to church as it is part of the tradition handed to me by my family.

SolidGoldBrass · 14/12/2013 21:01

Well, OP, do you really think your life would be better if you were able to accept that the absence of a penis makes you not only inferior but 'sinful'? You say that your DH is a devout left-footer: does he take it as far as refusing to use contraception yet insisting on sex as his 'right'? Do you want to sign up to an institution that has covered up for child abusers for decades and which is engaging in evangelical anti-condom programmes that are doing serious damage to public health in developing countries?

If your life really is so horrible that making the above changes to it would be an improvement then you have my profound sympathy.

LaFataTurchina · 14/12/2013 21:57

My random thoughts -

What is it that you think would make you feel happier if you believed? Is it the church sense of community that you are looking for or a sense of a greater meaning/life after death?

Have you always been an atheist OP. I'm Catholic (born into it, from a Catholic country etc.) and I sometimes wonder if I'd still believe if I was born into/brought up in a different religion. - do you think it might be as simple as a 'what if/grass is always greener' feeling?

Financeprincess · 14/12/2013 22:03

It makes me sad to hear the Catholic Church being slagged off (again).

I'm practising. It's one of the things that makes me happy. Will it make the OP happy? Who knows? Only one way of finding out, eh?

Original poster
idiuntno57 · 14/12/2013 22:40

I have always been an atheist. I still am but I yearn for the certainty that belief brings.

And not all Catholics are bad in the same way as not all Muslims, Jews etc. The institutions they uphold not perfect but humans are not perfect.

OP posts:
LilyTheSavage · 14/12/2013 22:43

Why couldn't you just write Catholic? Would you write Joowish, or Moooslem, or Hindoooo?

Original poster
idiuntno57 · 14/12/2013 22:45

Lillyand your point is?

OP posts:
BohemianGirl · 14/12/2013 22:45

DH is fervent cafflick.

You have little respect for your Dh do you?

Original poster
idiuntno57 · 14/12/2013 22:49

wow
not sure where this is coming from or how relevant.
Sometimes AIBU feels like have a go for no reason board but no matter.

OP posts:
BohemianGirl · 14/12/2013 22:52

You are so disrespectful of his faith (and that of some readers)

I am an atheist but it strikes me that I would enjoy life a whole lot more if I believed.

Chesterton: When a man stops believing in God he doesn't believe in nothing, he believes in anything.

cantbelievemyeyes · 14/12/2013 22:58

Putting my personal opinions of the Catholic church, or indeed any other organised religions aside- I genuinely don't understand why you think your life would be improved by religious belief, or what the 'certainty' is that you refer to?

I am an atheist and don't hold what many would describe as 'spiritual' beliefs. I am mostly happy, occasionally sad/ angry etc. The things that make me unhappy in life aren't really linked to the existence of any deity or supernatural force.

Most of my family and friends are religious, spiritual or hold some variation on these beliefs. The only time they really talk about these beliefs is when someone dies, and they comfort themselves with thoughts of their loved one being in a better place, looking down on them, sending signs. I don't believe in any of this but I understand that many people simply cannot accept the alternative- that we could simply cease to exist. Do you want to 'believe' for these sorts of reasons, or is it something else?

Original poster
idiuntno57 · 14/12/2013 23:00

keeping serious my whole point is that I have a lot if time for what gives him and our community a lot of good stuff. I feel sad because can't feel like him.

OP posts:
GiveItYourBestStockings · 14/12/2013 23:10

PeriodFeatures, do you make a distinction between "black" and "white" magic? (Sorry if those are not the right terms). I believe magic exists but I also believe it's not something most people should get involved with.

Yellowcake · 14/12/2013 23:13

Finance, nothing SolidGold said is actually untrue, though.

I grew up Catholic in a very devout household and culture, would still identify as a cultural Catholic, despite having at or before the age of reason becoming alive to the irony of a bunch of elderly celibate men sitting on the astonishing wealth in property, art etc preaching poverty, meekness and a very specific set of sexual rules.

I do think there can be some value in religion, despite not having any interest any longer in the divinity of Jesus. But I have not had my son baptised. Because every cell in my brain is revolted at the idea of signing up my precious, innocent baby to an organisation deservedly renowned for misogyny, corruption, sexual hypocrisy and the cover up of the manifold abuses of its clergy, to mention only a few? It would be assenting to the basic okayness of the Church, when it is far from OK. And original sin? Don't make me laugh. Only the most evil-minded person could look at a newborn and see it as inherently sinful.

Why not consider done other form of Christianity, OP? I sometimes go to a Quaker meeting. No ritual, no hierarchy, impeccable political and gender credentials... Or the Unitarians, who are more interested in social justice than God?

PeriodFeatures · 14/12/2013 23:40

Giveit I mean wonder, synchronicity, the seemingly impossible becoming real. That kind of magic. Not spells and stuff.

BerylStreep · 15/12/2013 00:03

I have been an atheist from about the age of 13. When I met my DH, who is / was* a practicing Catholic and from a very devout family (think 2 aunts who are nuns), I really wanted to be able to believe in order to have a bit more affinity with DH. I went to church, I closed my eyes for the prayers, did all the standing up and down, listened to the sermons. However, the bottom line for me is that I simply don't believe there is a god, much less, one who is remotely interested in the thoughts and actions of individuals, or who has power to influence events.

I have found Christopher Hitchen's work very good - although DH was a bit Hmm when I asked him to buy the Portable Atheist for Christmas. I must say I find Richard Dawkins a little too strident and uncompromising for me.

It works well for us - DH is free to believe, I don't. It's not a big deal. We still celebrate Christmas & Easter, because for me, it is as much a family tradition than any religious celebration (and in the knowledge that they were both Pagan celebrations to begin with anyway Wink).

It might be worth reading around some of the critical thinkers on the topic, to give you more of an idea of what it is you think you are missing. I think it was Douglas Adams who said 'can't we just be allowed to enjoy the beauty and wonder of the garden without having to believe there are fairies at the bottom as well?'

*Since the whole child abuse scandal, I think it is a bit sad for my DH, because his faith in the Church has been badly dented. Having said that, I have always been extremely cynical about any organised religion - travelling round poverty stricken areas of South America which had the most ornate gold dripping churches sort of cemented my view on things.

SolidGoldBrass · 15/12/2013 01:17

I'm slightly interested in how a rational person, particularly a woman who is free from superstition, could actually marry a devout Catholic (as opposed to a cultural one). I wouldn't even shag one. I just couldn't feel much affection for someone who actively engages with an institution which hates women.

thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts · 15/12/2013 07:16

If you want to find out more about your husband's faith then as said up thread there are adult classes in RC churches. Or you could look around locally at other churches which might be running Alpha or Emmaus or later in the year you might find one of the new Pilgrim courses run by a Church of England. Online www.rejesus.co.uk is good.

Why might you enjoy life more if you believed?

GiveItYourBestStockings · 15/12/2013 07:25

Thanks, Period! I agree with you, the world is full of that kind of magic :)

I wouldn't recommend Alpha, it's evangelical in origin and the evangelicals can be very odd.

OP, you say that you yearn for the certainty that faith brings. In my experience, faith brings a lot more doubt!