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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

is it me or ungrateful p?

69 replies

GeraldineFangedVagine · 13/12/2013 22:36

So, for xmas as a surprise I bought my partner a new smartphone which was expensive, but ive been saving all year so it was ok. I felt pretty good about. It so happens his existing phone broke this week and he was going to get a new one. I had to tell him not to and so admitted id ordered him a new phone. He was very pleased.
New phone arrived today so he asked me to charge it, so he could use it when he got in. He came home completely shitfaced said I shouldnt have bought it and return it. Obviously cant as ive opened the box. He kept up the pretence it was too expensive for all of 5 mins before admitting its the wrong phone. I feel like a complete twat, I was just doing a nice thing. He also thinks I spent that much so hed buy me a ring. Im 5 months pregnant with a very expensive paperweight and I feel really bad. Where did I go wrong?

OP posts:
Vijac · 13/12/2013 23:43

I think his reaction is unreasonable but just to give a different point of view, I can see why he might be a bit annoyed that you hadn't consulted him over this expensive present. I know it spoils the surprise but for something like a smart phone I would give a heads up and ask for an opinion unless I was totally sure which one they wanted. That said, his response should have been 'thanks you so much, it's really thoughtful etc etc....but I feel really bad , any chance of swapping the model?' Not making you charge it then having a go at you.

MajesticWhine · 13/12/2013 23:44

What a rude bastard. Sell it on ebay and get what you can for it, and buy something for yourself. Is he always so charming? I hope you get a grovelling apology.

JollySantersSelectionBox · 13/12/2013 23:46

Find a really annoying alarm tone on it and set it just out for his drunken reach f

JollySantersSelectionBox · 13/12/2013 23:47

Sorry - just out of his reach for 5.45am tomorrow.

Give him a real reason to dislike it.

lottiegarbanzo · 13/12/2013 23:51

If it mattered what brand it was, he should have checked before asking you to charge it.

What made him think you could read his mind so had bought the kind he was thinking about this week?

GeraldineFangedVagine · 13/12/2013 23:52

Vijac, I agree. I would have been a bit grumpy had he said could he swap it but fair enough. However, he asked me to charge it thereby making it impossible. Hes had a week to ask about the model. This is drip feeding but I have a weird family and material things are important to them and they have been cruel to me in this way in the past. Its very upsetting to me that he has also done this as I have a very difficult and sometimes unpleasant relationship with a lot of my family. I feel tricked almost.

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whereisshe · 13/12/2013 23:55

Um. You're pregnant, he's pissed and you're the one sleeping on the couch? This on top of him being utterly ungrateful re the phone? He's a charmer isn't he? He has redeeming features I assume?

ChristmasCareeristBitchNigel · 13/12/2013 23:55

When DH says something spectacularly ungrateful i have started using the phrase "i suggest that 'thankyou' would be a more appropriate phrase"

He was a right prick about something he had asked me to do for him last night and i did not get entirely as he wanted (because, you know, they didn't actually have what he wanted in the shop i had time to run to in the 10 minutes i had to sort out his cock up). So i trotted out "next time try saying thankyou rather than complaining about what i have gone out of my way to do for you" and he looked very sheepish.

It's working quite well so far

JollySantersSelectionBox · 13/12/2013 23:59

Just try to take it back op. Waddle in all exhausted and red faced and start crying with despair when they look like they'll say no.

Then buy him some socks instead. And never mention it again.

GeraldineFangedVagine · 14/12/2013 00:04

He must have redeeming features. I cant think of any of them just at the min. Answers on a postcard. Jolly, I ordered it online it came in the post. I have the red faced waddle down to a tee though. I did shout a bit at him but he just grinned foolishly. No point remonstrating with the pissed.

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GeraldineFangedVagine · 14/12/2013 00:57

Oh god snoring so loud its driving me out of my mind. This is not making me feel more amenable.

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attheendoftheday · 14/12/2013 01:20

Nothing to add, but I feel sad for you that he ruined your lovely gesture. What a cock!

Obviously you are nbu at all!

Also, it's outrageous that you are on the sofa when pregnant.

GeraldineFangedVagine · 14/12/2013 01:45

I know, cant bloody sleep on the uncomfortable thing either.

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Caitlin17 · 14/12/2013 02:10

Double check the returns policy. It shouldn't matter that it's been charged.

Or keep it for yourself. I'd much rather have a top of the range Android than an iPhone anyway.

sykadelic15 · 14/12/2013 02:14

Our first Christmas together I got my DH something he'd told me about before. A particular kind of tool. I also got him a new pocket knife because his had broken. I even went as far to call his dad and ask him to meet me and tell me if I was getting something good.

Come Christmas he thanked me for the effort but that the tool I got was the wrong kind (there are different versions) and the knife was a bit too bulky (he was going to, and since has, fix his broken one). He said he would feel better if I would return them to get the money back then open something he knew he wouldn't use.

I was hurt of course. I thought I'd done really well... listened, took notes etc... but I've since told him if he wants something to point and I'll buy. He never wants anything though so last Christmas was the first time I'd bought him anything (Christmas, Birthday, Anniversary) since that first Christmas... he wanted to upgrade his computer (he built it) so it most definitely covered my budget saved from the previous years!

I agree with everyone else though, you're not BU. He could have told you in a much kinder way, and if he was going to be picky (given there are SO many options out there) he should have said something before you charged it.

p.s. Speaking as a bit of a tech geek, the phone you got is a great phone. You picked really well and if he's stupid enough not to give it a shot, you'll have no trouble selling it for a decent price (may even have a friend/family member who would love it). Having tried both I can tell you from experience, Androids are way better than iPhones :P

Chottie · 14/12/2013 06:27

OP - just to wish you well today and I hope your day with your family goes well

Shonajoy · 14/12/2013 06:46

Sell it, and buy him a hideous Christmas jumper.

GeraldineFangedVagine · 14/12/2013 07:38

He just said he was sorry he did not like the phone. However he had preempted any discussion by having ds in the bed and I dont think thats an apology really. So ive said I domt want to talk to him and I will go out today and come back and get ds to go to my family. Hes now gone back to sleep. Wanker.

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HairyGrotter · 14/12/2013 07:43

What a colossal jebend! I'd have shoved the phone so far up his ungrateful, rude arse that his small intestine would be tweeting.

Sell it on eBay, get some of your money back, and keep saving to leave his ungrateful arse

CookieLady · 14/12/2013 07:53

Check the small print. As you've purchased online you are covered by the long distance selling act and of memory serves correctly you can return the phone even if you've opened the box. You usually have between 7-14 days.

Oh, he's a complete knob end.

CookieLady · 14/12/2013 07:54

*if not of

Mishmashofstyles · 14/12/2013 07:58

What. a. prick.

GiveItYourBestStockings · 14/12/2013 08:03

As PPhave said - do try and return it. Tesco take opened phones back and I even got a refund off an ebay seller, because I didn't like the phone when I saw it in the flesh. Ask politely blame your bellend OH and we'll all keep our fingers crossed.

MimiSunshine · 14/12/2013 08:26

Double check that you cat return it. Ordering online should mean you can open it otherwise how would you know you don't want it. Okay so it's charged but it isn't used.

Then turn the tables on him, at the minute he's acting like he's doing you a favour by letting you buy him a phone and believing you're desperate for him to get you a ring. Do become aloof, do your damdest to return the phone / sell it (Android is better people just like the "status" of iPhone).

Then as you head out the door, casually turn to him and say as if I'd accept a ring off you anyway. Then smirk and head out, leave him to stew.
When you get home later, ask him if he wants to discuss last night and apologise, his reaction should indicate how you go forward in the relationship.

Oh and if he says I said sorry I don't like the phone, make it clear that isn't what he needs to apologies for.

GeraldineFangedVagine · 14/12/2013 08:39

I really cant bear the thought of even talking to him. I just dont get why people are so horrible. Im honestly not horrible to people ever. This is all a gigantic headache. Im stressed and have spd and just want to walk out.

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