to expect a thank you?

[frenchmanicure]

A friend contacted me this week for some advice. It's not something I know about specifically, but I knew enough to give some general, helpful, advice and clarify the position for her.

She has responded - to basically confirm her understanding (so I know she's had my email) but not a word of thanks!

I don't expect a gift or anything, but wanting her to actually acknowledge my help and say thanks isn't unreasonable is it?!

Do you generally give help to people for the thanks?

Yanbu to expect a quick "thanks". I get this all the time with someone I know. I don't even get replies after so I don't know why I bother

So don't bother then.

If she is particularly stressed about what ever it is, I wouldn't be fretting about it. Odd that you mention a gift.

I get you OP. A thank you at the end of her email would not have gone amiss.

Bloody rude, I also have a friend like this.

My best friend, on the other hand, if she phones me upset about something, always emails to say thanks for listening the next day. So sweet!

you don't have to. Perhaps she is so deeply involved in thinking through whatever it is, that she forgot to say the word "thanks". She should ahve, yes. But YABU to be bothered, and bothered enough to post about it here!

I've given slightly more complicated advice to other, less close, friends in the past, and they've bought little presents to say thanks - which I was embarassed to accept, just a thank you was enough.

I don't expect, or want, a present. But I do expect the courtesy of a thank you! Especially since this is a supposedly close friend. The fact she couldn't even be bothered to give one word of thanks (and I don't think stress is the reason, advice was for a colleague not her) is annoying.

I would never expect thanks for advice! It's just normal stuff that friends do isn't it? They give you advice when you need it, you give it in return? Weird.

Was it specialist, professional or technical advice? I happily give housing law advice to friends all the time as it's my Masters subject and I practice at work so am up to date with case law etc. I would be a little miffed if it wasn't acknowledged with a verbal thanks or acknowledgement email, as it takes a bit of time to sometimes check the latest precedents in legislation etc. I think virtually everyone I have ever given advice to on something v specific (like a problem with a joint tenancy etc) has said thanks. That being said, I'd never accept a gift.

It's professional advice related to my job, not just general advice on relationships or how to deal with in-laws at Xmas or something! (Although in truth when I ask friend's opinions on personal dilemmas I'm having I always thank them for listening after!)

In this case, I spent about an hour checking my understanding of the position was correct and then composing a detailed email explaining to my friend.

I still wouldn't expect thanks. I would do it without thinking, and it wouldn't even cross my mind if I wasn't thanked. I think good friendships are more laid-back than that- all sounds very formal. But that's just me.

Why is my post blank?

Did you put asterisks in it?

I don't know. I wondered that myself!

I wouldn't expect a thanks for advice although it would be nice to get one. I'm still waiting for my 20yo cousin to acknowledge he received a cheque I sent for his birthday over a month ago. Now that I find rude especially as my mum emailed him to ask if he'd received it (plus hers) as he didn't want gifts this year just money. He hasn't responded but has sent out his Christmas list!

What was the advice? You need to explain the scenario before I can say whether you're U or not.

No, I posted

Thought it was so blue that it had spontaneously combusted!

Are my posts not allowed?

I say thanks to people all the time - to people who hold a door open in the office, or let me in front of them on the bus, or whatever. It would never occur to me not to thank a friend who I'd asked for something, whether it was their help on a professional level or their opinion on what dress I should wear to the Xmas party.

I actually think by not thanking me, when I've put myself out to help, is pretty rude. I won't bother next time.

If you post < blah blah > it doesn't work

I think there's a difference peachypips between giving everyday advice to a friend and asking for a favour which would entail the OP looking up quite a lot of reference material and taking a few hours to do it. A recent example for me was a friend in a joint tenancy in a shared private rented place where a new housemate relationship was not working out well, and the letting agent/landlord had no interest in helping to sort it out. I spent a good couple of hours looking stuff up and about another 5 composing emails for the housemates, landlord, letting agent etc citing relevant precedent. I'd be a bit pissed off to do that and then not hear anything back from the friend, as I'd actually want to know whether the help had had an outcome! In that case the friend was really chuffed. I got a thanks text and the warm and happy glow of knowing she wouldn't have to be homeless just before Christmas.