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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect a thank you?

51 replies

frenchmanicure · 13/12/2013 21:17

A friend contacted me this week for some advice. It's not something I know about specifically, but I knew enough to give some general, helpful, advice and clarify the position for her.

She has responded - to basically confirm her understanding (so I know she's had my email) but not a word of thanks!

I don't expect a gift or anything, but wanting her to actually acknowledge my help and say thanks isn't unreasonable is it?!

OP posts:
peachypips · 13/12/2013 21:48

Yes it does!

somersethouse · 13/12/2013 21:48

Having read your further posts OP, I would most definitely expect a 'thank you'.

It is simple, common courtesy.

Your friend does not seem to have it. I wouldn't rush to help her again TBH.

peachypips · 13/12/2013 21:49

Hmmm. Ok then, I reserve judgement until I know what the good deed was!

Tapiocapearl · 13/12/2013 21:50

She should have thanked you. Very rude when she can see you have spent time/energy on her

somersethouse · 13/12/2013 21:52

Are you ok peachy as you are being odd.

The OP has explained the scenario.

usualsuspect · 13/12/2013 21:53

Peachy,your post has vanished.

ShylaMcClaus · 13/12/2013 21:55

[[
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ShylaMcClaus · 13/12/2013 21:56

No it doesn't.

peachypips · 13/12/2013 21:57

Sorry- have read back my posts and I do come across odd! I was alternating addressing the OP and usualsuspect so it seemed a bit disjointed.

I am trying to say that it would depend exactly what the task was as to whether thanks was required.

For example, I would look after a good friend's children for an hour after school and not expect thanks or even think of it. That's what friends are for. However, I may expect thanks for something bigger...can't think what at the moment.

peachypips · 13/12/2013 21:58

Goodness! Maybe we can only see it usual (adding clarification due to accusation of being odd)

peachypips · 13/12/2013 21:59

I am getting very confused. And a bit giggly in a manic way.

NotJustACigar · 13/12/2013 22:00

I would have expected a thanks in your situation, OP, and would be annoyed if I didn't get one. But give it a bit more time as she's maybe dealing with a problem at the moment and perhaps you'll get flowers or something in time.

somersethouse · 13/12/2013 22:03

Yep, well peachy, you are in your own world. You carry on having a chat with someone else on this thread and don't worry about it. We won't worry about your opinión of what is polite or not either.

Crack on...

lottieandmia · 13/12/2013 22:05

My mum is like this - she feels all put out if people don't thank her for everything. I'm afraid I think YABU because it's obviously really got to you if you need to post a thread about it. For a friend you should want to do it and not expect anything back at all IMHO. But then I don't know the wider context of your friendship with her. If she is generally a 'taker' then perhaps that is why you feel fed up.

spicegirl13 · 13/12/2013 22:07

YANBU, I'd feel pretty miffed too. It's only polite to say thank you, doesn't exactly take a huge amount of effort to text/email/say 'thanks' does it?

peachypips · 13/12/2013 22:11

Woah somerset. No need to get nasty. I thought I'd apologised. Would seem someone else's manners maybe in question? That's yours, in case you hadn't got it.

Anyway, off to bed as not a fan of being a target for someone. Night!

usualsuspect · 13/12/2013 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Flossyfloof · 13/12/2013 22:23

I spent several hours trying to work out what something technical in French meant for an ex-student. I emailed a very full explanation and was dead pleased with myself. I haven't heard back and I feel quite disappointed about that. So, you are nbu

Flossyfloof · 13/12/2013 22:24

This week is when I did the above - I expect I will get over it soon.

Spongingbobsunderpants · 13/12/2013 22:40

Similar happened to me a couple of weeks ago. A colleague emailed me about something reasonably personal about my work life balance, asking about how I managed to wangle a full management role on part time hours - because he was thinking of doing the same once his dc is born. I don't know him very well but spent a long time drafting an email back to him. I didn't even receive any sort of acknowledgement, let alone thanks. I've even seen him around at work and he's not mentioned it once. I even broached it with him the other day and he acted almost like he'd never sent the email.

Weird. And rude.

sutekidane · 13/12/2013 22:42

The irony of usual telling someone not to be a twat! Grin

usualsuspect · 13/12/2013 22:47

You think I'm a twat,Sutekidane?

You should have said. And it's usualsuspect to you.

FunkyBoldRibena · 13/12/2013 22:50

Inspired by this I've done a 'you are welcome' to someone who we gave some slabs to today. In response to the invisible thanks.

ShylaMcClaus · 13/12/2013 23:03

Don't get you, sutekidane.

What do you mean?

ShylaMcClaus · 13/12/2013 23:03

Double Xmas Grin at Funky for her name and P.A response. I'm going to start doing that.