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Original poster

Was I BU to have made a report to the police?

68 replies

flusteredmumto2 · 13/12/2013 20:41

Today I had an incident at college where I was groped by an elderly asian gentleman on my way into college. It was 9.20 this morning and I was walking into college, an elderly man with a stick was walking towards me so I stepped slightly to my right to give him enough space. When he was almost level with me he put his hand out and tried to grab my private parts I turned away from him so to move myself from his touch at which point he put his hand between my legs from behind. It was only a couple of seconds but I didn't react other than to shout. He didn't even turn around. After going to class, I made a report to campus security and notified my tutors. It was then decided to make a report to the police and they're coming to take a statement tomorrow. Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill? As the days gone on I'm feeling more and more shakey about it and it makes me feel sick. How can anyone make me feel like this, its horrible.

OP posts:
harticus · 13/12/2013 21:04

she just laughed
Don't worry about that - people just handle this stuff differently OP.

I think you are doing the right thing because he was clearly hanging round the campus looking for young women to grope.
This wasn't some opportunist thing on a crowded bus for example - there has been some planning gone into this and he needs to be stopped.

Original poster
flusteredmumto2 · 13/12/2013 21:26

My oh is a hundred miles away so I'm completely on my own (other than my kids who are in bed) until next weekend when he's home. I have to go back to college on monday and just knowing he could be around again makes me shake.
I really can't see much being done to him, he's old and disabled. There is a previous report of him grabbing a girls leg back in October in the same place. Anyone can walk into our college building and about an hour after he grabbed me he was seen in the building so I'm just not feeling like its going to get any easier.

OP posts:
MissRainbow · 13/12/2013 21:35

Thanks Poor you. Totally doing the right thing by reporting. He probably is could be doing it to other people. Even though it was, how do I put it, even though it happened in a short space of time, it was obviously really upsetting. Thanks

phantomnamechanger · 13/12/2013 21:42

you poor thing! I hope its on CTV and they find out who he is, what a vile thing to do.

I really don't know why you felt the need to mention his ethic group on here though as that's irrelevant.

Original poster
flusteredmumto2 · 13/12/2013 21:45

I only me

OP posts:
harticus · 13/12/2013 21:49

The college have a responsibility to protect their female students from predatory behaviour like this.
Don't know how they could fail to deal with it if he is a habitual offender on the campus.
Speak to Student Union about it too.

Original poster
flusteredmumto2 · 13/12/2013 21:52

I only mentioned his ethnic group in passing, I know there are many theories one of which woman are treated differently in India or Asia (I don't know his origin s specifically) so maybe that's why I mentioned it, I don't know my minds all over the place.

OP posts:
harticus · 13/12/2013 21:57

OP - it is called eve-teasing.
I experienced it a lot when I lived in India.
It is why they have women-only carriages on trains and women only waiting rooms.

WorraLiberty · 13/12/2013 22:02

Oh so what if she mentioned he was Asian

She also mentioned that fact he was elderly and male but no-one picked up on that.

The OP's probably in shock.

MellowMarshmallow · 13/12/2013 22:05

OP this has happened to me twice. Please see it through and speak to the police. I never did and still regret it. Being told it was no big deal and something to be expected really damaged me. Good on you for reporting it. And please don't question your own actions. You did all you could.

Rissolesfortea · 13/12/2013 22:09

Dirty perv. You certainly did the right thing, no one has the right to touch you intimately without your permission.

Original poster
flusteredmumto2 · 13/12/2013 22:10

Thanks for your words of support it means a lot. I Just wish I could concentrate on something else.

OP posts:
peppapigmustdie · 13/12/2013 23:31

Please don't let him stop you going to college, could you meet up with someone else from your course at a nearby bus stop/train station or local coffee shop. I am sure if you messaged someone they would meet up.

43percentburnt · 13/12/2013 23:39

You have definitely done the right thing. This incident was not funny at all. I hope they catch him and charge him.

Lilacroses · 13/12/2013 23:50

So sorry about your horrible experience Op. You definitely did the right thing to report this man. I was once assaulted as a student, I was walking home one night and some guy ran up behind me, roughly grabbed my bum and then punched me in the back of the head and then ran off! It happened so quickly and it was dark, I could only make out that he was youbg and dark skinned. When I got home my flatmate was non plussed and said there was no point in reporting it and that the police would do nothing. A year later I went on a self defence course run by the police. They said that people ought to report any assault partly because even if they do not catch the offender it makes them aware of what is happening in that area. He also said that offenders assaults will often escalate if they are not apprehended.

TamzinGrey · 14/12/2013 00:07

Op. Well done. You've really done the right thing by reporting it. A very similar thing happened to me once when a vile old man rammed his hand right up my crotch whilst I was innocently walking through a park on my way home from school. Unlike you I didn't tell anyone. I've always regretted this. I could have got him caught and prevented him doing it to any other girls.

perfectstorm · 14/12/2013 00:11

You must be one of numerous women he's done this to, and if anything is to be done to stop him thinking he has a right to grope women's bodies, then those women being brave enough to report it is essential.

Good for you. You're standing up for yourself, most importantly... but you're also protecting other women. Nothing could be less unreasonable, on either count. Flowers

perfectstorm · 14/12/2013 00:13

Tamzin it wasn't your responsibility to stop him. You're a crime victim, it's a bit much to expect those to look after the rest of us on top. It's brilliant the OP has chosen to do that but it is not down to the victim to protect others from being assaulted, in either or any case.

I just wish crimes like this automatically earned jail time. If they did, they might be less common.

Original poster
flusteredmumto2 · 14/12/2013 00:27

I just don't understand why I'm letting it affect me so much. It was a girl on my course that laughed so to be perfectly honest I don't want to be subject to their ridicule as a couple of them have already said I'm over reacting. (They think I should've just hit him) so I won't be asking any of them for any help. I'm not violent in any way so would never react in that way. There's only a week left of college so it'll be fine. Just have to get on with it .

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 14/12/2013 00:33

OP ignore them

You'll get tons of support and help from MN if you need it Thanks

perfectstorm · 14/12/2013 00:39

a couple of them have already said I'm over reacting

Then they're part of the problem. And this is a spectrum of behaviour - as others have said, there's plenty of evidence linking these attitudes to rape. The idea that a woman's body is available to any man at his whim, without consent, is not worth challenging? Just stupidity writ large. Ignore them - they'd be singing from a different hymnsheet if they'd been his victim.

ColdTeaAgain · 14/12/2013 01:00

You did the right thing OP, it sounds as though he hangs around the college to get his thrills. I hope the police do something about him. Can't believe someone laughed when you told her about it, I think some people have the attitude he's just a dirty old man and can't do any real harm. Well. Jimmy Saville?

On another note, I wondered how far down this thread I would get before someone whinged about the mention of the mans ethnicity. Get a grip. She was just describing the situation. It would of been one of the first questions the police asked about him.

Caitlin17 · 14/12/2013 02:20

Of course you weren't overreacting. What a stupid thing to say.

steff13 · 14/12/2013 02:36

Ugh, gross! You poor thing, you were definitely right to call the police.

steff13 · 14/12/2013 02:37

PS - I might have been tempted to push him into the street.