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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think school is being u re asking for money

63 replies

PrincessScrumpy · 13/12/2013 19:48

dd attends a state school and in comparison to other schools friends' dc go to her's seems to ask for a lot more in "donations", it's £1 for this and £1.50 for that. Eg) tickets to see the nativity were £2 each so that was £4 for dh and I, when dtds go next year they will be in a different nativity due to age difference so that will be £8 in tickets, plus £2 for a disc of photos as you can't take photos in the performance etc. Now I'm okay with this to a point and so far, excluding trips, I have spent £30 ish this term for one child in so-called donations. I forgot 50p for a biscuit for a charity thing and dd had to sit alone in the class (with a TA) while the rest of the class went and bought a biscuit and ate it in the hall, so you do get made to feel it's not a choice thing!

Anyway, after half term we were asked to provide a glass jar so dc could make a candle holder as a gift for parents for Christmas. Dh ate jam sandwiches for a week (I don't like them) and we sent the jar in. This week we get a note saying dc have now made their candle holders and parents are invited to the classroom to see them on display on a certain day after school and then children can take them home for a £2 "donation". I know school budgets are tight but I'm really annoyed and am probably being U as it's been a long week, but I feel we provided the jar, dd made it in school time as part of her education relating to Christmas and it's the only Christmas thing she is bringing home so why are we paying for it? Dc have been told they'll be bringing them home so how can I say "sorry dd we can't afford £2 for you to bring the "gift" home that you made for mummy and daddy, so clearly we'll have to buy it, but I feel pressurised. What does the mn jury think? Maybe this is normal in schools, dd is yr 1 so all still fairly new to me.

OP posts:

lljkk · 13/12/2013 19:54

They're taking the mick.
Ask for the jar back!!

Gigondas · 13/12/2013 19:54

A certain amount of donations I would expect as with paying for toickeys. but dc shouldn't feel pressured -the biscuit thing sounds a bit .

But the £2 for taking home candle is shocking .

Original poster

PrincessScrumpy · 13/12/2013 19:55

£2 is for RNIB - just realised as it links with the project but still.

OP posts:

harticus · 13/12/2013 19:56

What a miserable money-grubbing school.
I agree - tell them you want your jar back.

harticus · 13/12/2013 19:57

So the donation is for RNIB and not the school?

deliverdaniel · 13/12/2013 19:58

YANBU

throwingstones · 13/12/2013 19:59

If you only get the candle if you pay, its not a donation. I'd point out to the school they are teaching the wrong meaning of the word donation, but I'm awkward like that.

MisForMumNotMaid · 13/12/2013 20:06

I think excluding your DD during the school day is disgusting. All the others going of to the hall and eating biscuits leaving her behind, really bad.

The constant asking for contributions is really unfair. Is it an aggressive well meaning PTA (parent teacher association) or the actual school?

Its not reasonable for the school to lead children to believe they can bring work home then charge parents.

You need to address this with the school. Be polite and firm. List all the little extra charges that you've had for just this term. Work out what you can afford, if anything. If it is anything then contribute that percentage. I.e. Further to having paid £30 in contributions this term we can only only offer a 20p contribution for the jar. I think if you can make a donation for each activity rather than the full amount it puts them in a more compromised position. You're not opting out, like they might claim you were for the biscuit. You're clearly opting in, but stating what you're prepared to contribute.

Regarding photos...i went to nativity today and it was no photos. They filmed and sold photos but also at the end of the performance you were allowed to take photos of your child before going home.

I don't think people will have thought about the hardship that can be caused by the constant requests for money. They are probably well meaning busy body PTA sorts, so a polite firmly worded letter explaining things may help them sit up and listen.

runningonwillpower · 13/12/2013 20:14

It's emotional blackmail. Plain and simple.

And it's not right.

moldingsunbeams · 13/12/2013 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ragusa · 13/12/2013 20:18

Excluding your DD from an activity because she didn't make a voluntary contribution is not only mean, it is in fact illegal. Providing you're in England?

Voluntary contributions, meh, annoying but as long as they really are voluntary I don't feel too badly about them. But making a child miss out because they have not made a voluntary contribution is absolutely wrong.

Ragusa · 13/12/2013 20:25

Sorry, carried away there. Not actually illegal but contrary to Department for Education advice. I think they would take a dim view of the school's practice.

MrsUptight · 13/12/2013 20:29

YANBU. My DDS school is the same. I reckon I'm spending about 200 pounds on two DDs on this and that...the ornament thing annoys me. this year dds made a tree decoration each and I had to pay FOUR POUNDS EACH for them.

They're nice but nothing that cost that much. I really think there needs to be some stronger guidelines about this type of thing and that where I as a kid made a santa out of a loo roll and was sent home with it...my DDs never bring a thing home...not ONE thing that's free. I have to pay for cards they've made, calendars, decorations etc...it sucks the frigging joy out of it all and they never get the pleasure of walking out at the end of the day with their creation.

Theknacktoflying · 13/12/2013 20:29

Does the school also ask for a contribution to the school fund every year? Do you actually have a knowledgeable bursar or someone who can actually find another way of funding things.

What is the PTA doing?

MrsUptight · 13/12/2013 20:34

I should say about 200 pounds a year between two kids...a pound here, a fiver there. It's awful and this thread has also reminded me that they don't seem to do ANY art but we have to pay for it! Gone are the days when a child walked out holding a painting....I'm in there after Christmas to find out about why they're not doing any art!

moldingsunbeams · 13/12/2013 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

PrincessScrumpy · 13/12/2013 20:37

Thank you, I'm glad it's not just me. dh and I are not on benefits or what you would class as really struggling but I just didn't budget for this constant stream of £1 and £2 from my purse - plus I'm not used to having change in my purse I usually just pay on Debit card. Feel like a bill each term to cover everything would be easier.

A friend's dd1 went to a different school but is now at secondary, her dd2 and 3 are at our school and she said that in 1 term she's paid more than she paid the whole time dd1 was at the other school. Until then I hadn't questioned it.

I think I'll ignore raffle tickets etc - things that dd1 will have no clue about whether I've bought or not and just pay for the things she'll notice - like £1.50 for the school party that is during the day so all children included. She doesn't need a packed lunch so I guess that one balances out.

OP posts:

MrsUptight · 13/12/2013 20:37

Oh yes...that's bloody awful! One pound and they'd exclude him

BouncyCow · 13/12/2013 20:38

We had the same sort of thing for DC1 - donated jam jar, filled with bulb and compost that was donated and then sold for £1.50 along with the decorations they made for £1. DC was so excited about showing me their jar with it's sprouting plant and I would have felt terrible for not buying it, especially as they aren't bringing anything else home apart from a 'treat' they're making us that we had to pay £3 towards

It was a successful event for the APT (school fair) as they made over £800 though! In the last 3 weeks they've made around £1500 from the fair and a couple of other things, which is great but it's mostly parents and extended family and friends who've put their hands in their pockets.

I completely get where you're coming from Princess as it's money, money, money at the moment.

Ragusa · 13/12/2013 20:38

guidance from DfE which you might like to gently shove under your head teacher's nose.

Whether the school asks for a yearly contribution or whether the PTA are active or not is surely neither here nor there. It is not acceptable to exclude children from activities to which a voluntary contribution is attached. This de facto excludes children from poorer backgrounds.

MrsUptight · 13/12/2013 20:39

Scrumpy this year, I ignored the ten pound book of raffle tickets for the first time ever. This year has been very bad for having to pay out for stuff....I also realised DDs wouldn't have a clue if I'd bought any so I never! We have to give bottles for tombola, gifts for the raffle and they send constant reminders "If you have not brought your donation for the raffle please bring it by Friday"

Surely it's my choice! And DD says "Where's my donation?" all week....mainly because the teachers ask I think.

MrsUptight · 13/12/2013 20:40

Bouncy yes and they should be doing things like that anyway....not for us to pay for!

Norudeshitrequired · 13/12/2013 20:41

I'm going against the grain and probably deserve to be flamed.
The £2 for a disc of photos is not expensive.
£30 for a whole term of activities and extras is not much on a weekly basis (if you can afford it).
The candle thing is ridiculous and the children should be able to take their gifts home without any additional cost. I agree that you should ask for your jar back.
If you really can't afford it then you should speak to the head teacher about your child being left out because you are struggling.
If you can afford it then you should look on it that the children are getting to do some additional activities, the school,is raising some much needed funds for fun stuff and the children are learning about being charitable (the RNIB type stuff).

Original poster

PrincessScrumpy · 13/12/2013 20:42

It's a combination of PTA and fundraising to pay off loan for extension - government funded the extra classrooms but school wanted hall big enough to have full school assembly and government will only fund a hall big enough for one class to do PE so they had to pay for it themselves and then the built a second smaller hall so 2 classes can do PE at the same time - which makes sense and I support and dd will benefit. However, there are limits to that support.

Annually we are asked for £5 per family theknackofflying. You get a reminder and I feel it's something you must do but recently I discovered less than half the parents pay so perhaps I'm a mug?!

OP posts:

MrsUptight · 13/12/2013 20:42

Norude well obviously lots CAN'T afford it. So it IS a lot.

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