to be upset that DS wants to give up piano exams?

[MissEllieEwing]

I expect I am BU but here goes.

DH and I are musical and between us play several instruments and sing in various choirs and obviously we wanted the dc to have an appreciation of music, but we've never been really pushy about it. DS started the piano when he was 7 and did very well in a short space of time and his teacher felt he had talent (btw neither DH or I are pianists). He got distinctions in G1&2 and passed G3 with merit by the time he was 10 and he's always enjoyed it. He's now 12 and since he's been at secondary school he's lost interest, partly I think because being musical is not 'cool' - unless it involves being on the X Factor. Last year he took G4 and went to pieces on the day and scraped a pass and since then he has been getting himself in a tearful state now and again, he is convinced he will fail the next exam because of what happened last time. I had a long chat with him the other day and he got all upset again and wants to carry on with lessons but just play for pleasure and give up exams.

I'm really torn, on the one hand it's not the end of the world and it's great that he wants to carry on. He's also doing very well at school so I guess I need to get this in perspective. BUT, I suppose in my heart I think the discipline of exams is good for children and the next few years he will have to get used to exam pressure. Also isn't his talent going to waste? DH has been away this week so we haven't discussed it. I'd like to discuss it with his teacher, but all her pupils do exams and I don't know how she'll feel about the 'just for pleasure' bit.

It is so lovely that he wants to play for pleasure. I never even understood that concept as a child. I just did exams. I find it really hard to play the piano now even though I quite like it. The exams, the gradually getting lower results as I got older, being called mediocre by some horrible adjudicator. It just ate away at me and felt like this awful treadmill I had to stay on to to keep my parents and my teachers happy, but I got nothing out of it and I mean nothing. Let him play the pieces he wants to for pleasure whether it's jazz, rock , pop, Xfactor tunes... And if his teacher doesn't like it find another more broad minded one!

Has anyone pointed him in the direction of Jazz Piano as opposed to classical piano? It's very exciting because you get to play what you want and make stuff up for large chunks of music. Fantastic for developing musicianship.

A copy of Jazz Piano From Scratch would give him some direction to continue playing. Some piano teachers offer jazz piano as well as classical. You can take grades if you want but there's no need.

Many professional musicians have not done grades. Many don't use written music at all. Try not to get caught up in grades as the be all and end all of music.

I probably would have kept up with the piano after grade 4 if I hadn't been moaned at about practicing tunes I hated just for the sake of exams. Is the 'learning' for your DC or for you?

What is the point of the exams? I get that you're musical and would like him to be as well, but unless he's going for a musical career, surely the exams are an utter waste of time and an unneccessary stress? Can't think of anything more likely to put him off music completely than forcing him to do exams. Yes children need to learn discipline but he can learn that at school, he doesn't need it in his free time.

If you really want him to be musical, let it be fun for him. Otherwise he'll just learn to hate playing and quit as soon as he can.

Why does he need exams? I think that playing for pleasure is much more important.

Yabu. Similar happened to me (pushy parents!) and I gave up doing the exams. Several years later I re-motivated myserlf and got distinction at grade 8 with no pestering whatsoever from my parents.

I'm a fairly proficient pianist and have never done an exam in my life. My parents were really against us doing music exams, feeling that there was enough pressure in other areas of our lives. Some of my siblings did opt to do grades in their teenage years, and I did in a second instrument, but not for piano. It was a good decision, I have played almost daily from age 6 and there was never anything to kick back against (I was lucky to have a teacher who was fully supportive of this). Don't force him if he doesn't want to do grades.

In case it helps, I did the same as a child - freaked out and failed my G5 after getting a distinction in previous ones, so decided never to take piano exams again. I still play now, 20 years later, and still enjoy it. And did fine on school exams - GCSE, A-level, degree then PhD. So don't think the lack of music exams affected me academically. I don't ever wish I'd done the exams in piano. That kind of pressured solo performance just wasn't for me.

There are no unique and intrinsic skills developed in taking the ABRSM examinations. ( I would also suggest that the pressure of a live musical performance is entirely different to the pressure of a written exam and that taking music exams doesn't help develop academic exam abilities.)

The structure and the grading system is a useful way of providing some measure of aptitude but that in itself is unimportant. Later on the UCAS points associated with the higher grades may become relevant, but that's a long way off right now.

To become a capable musician, you need to be motivated to practice. In some cases the examination system helps some students with motivation, in others it has the opposite effect. The syllabus for the pieces, particularly for the early grades is often very narrow, and a student may find practicing a piece they have no love for, boring and uninspiring.

But there's also a balance. Becoming a dilettante, dipping in and out of lots of different pieces, without every mastering the required technique or practicing them to a level to be able to perform them will result in slow progress.

It's down to the teacher and student to work out the best approach. Some teachers can be very exam centric, and i'd suggest changing if that's the case.

I don't encourage my dcs to sit exams, I encourage them to play for pleasure - I always feel like an oddity in this respect., all the other dcs. In their class do the grades, the teacher likes them to do the grades but my pov is, fall in love with the instrument first then if needed do a grade, if not just play for fun.

I have played the piano since I was 10 (am now 34) without ever taking any grades. All my other piano teacher's students did grades but I really didn't want to. When I left her at 18 she said somewhat wistfully "You could have done your grade 7 and if you'd really practised you would have passed grade 8." I didn't care, I just didn't want to do them, I didn't see the point as they took the joy out of playing.

I have since taught myself to play other instruments, played in a band and still play for pleasure more than 20 years on. I don't see the problem with him not wanting to do grades.

Oh and my brother actually makes a living out of being a musician despite having never taken a music exam in his life and not even being able to read music.

My husband played for pleasure as a teen, predominantly self taught, did not bother with any exams. Took grade 8 as an adult, just to 'get it on paper', passed with distinction. Plays every day. It was his choice to take the exam and yes he could have done exams as a teen but maybe it would have killed his enthusiasm.