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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to sign this birthday card?

49 replies

Callani · 13/12/2013 10:54

It's my boss's birthday coming up, and one of my female colleagues bought him a birthday card for everyone to sign.

The thing is, the card is really rude, references blow jobs and I really don't want to sign it (plus I think the card's massively inappropriate for a male boss of a full female team)

Do I just keep schtum and sign, or do I get another card? I genuinely don't know what I'd write in a card like that!

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 13/12/2013 10:59

If you don't like him and don't want to sign it, then don't.

Wabbitty · 13/12/2013 11:01

It's not that the OP doesn't like him - it's that she finds the card inappropriate.

Erm I'd probably just sign but would probably just write the usual happy birthday have a great day!

DingDongUriGelleryOnHigh · 13/12/2013 11:04

I'd get him a safe one and let everyone know there's an alternative card going round if they want to sign it.

It might end up just being from you but I think its better to protest than just follow the herd if its something you're not comfortable with.

Original poster
Callani · 13/12/2013 11:05

I do like my boss - it's just the card is so awful it actually makes me feel a little bit sick.

Oh god, it basically goes...
Front of card: "When surveyed about why they like blow jobs, 4% of men said they liked seeing what the woman was doing, 10% of men liked the feel of it..."
Inside card: "And 86% of men liked the silence!"

It's horrific, it doesn't even say happy birthday. Am I a massive prude? I feel so awful about it, and it makes me really uncomfortable, partially because I'm the youngest in my team by 20 years as well so people have previously made jokes about hiring a young girl for the team and I just feel like this card would make it worse.

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 13/12/2013 11:08

Can't believe your colleague thinks that is appropriate for the workplace. I wouldn't sign- just wish him happy birthday verbally.

gordyslovesheep · 13/12/2013 11:11

Good lord NO YANBU that is a) Vile and b) massively inappropriate in the work place

Birdsgottafly · 13/12/2013 11:11

Is the noise level a running joke?

I've had various colleagues that I could send this type of card to, the ones that I have running banter with, all if a similar theme.

There are others that would make this a disciplinary offence.

If you really don't want to sign it, don't, only you know the atmosphere of your workplace and if not signing it would cause an issue.

Birdsgottafly · 13/12/2013 11:15

"It's horrific"

Missed that bit, then don't sign it. It depends on the relationship of the others and if they have done it, as a joke.

DamnBamboo · 13/12/2013 11:17

Sorry OP, I misread your first post and thought your boss was the one who referenced blow jobs etc.. (which actually made me Shock anyway) and also think why are they buying this guy a card, I'd be reporting him to HR.

But if you like him and would be happy to send him birthday greetings, buy him a card from yourself and don't hesitate to tell your colleague that it's inappropriate! If the genders were reversed here, there would be outrage.

You are not a prude at all, I wouldn't sign it either.

AMumInScotland · 13/12/2013 11:27

Don't sign. If your colleague thinks this is appropriate from her to her boss, that's her choice. Since you don't feel it's appropriate, don't sign it.

If pestered, just say "Not my kind of humour, thanks, not in the office anyway"

IDugUpADiamond · 13/12/2013 11:30

I am not a prude at all and enjoy a silly joke as much as the next person but that card is juvenile, unpleasant and extremely inappropriate in the workplace at any level. There's no way I would sign it.

Enb76 · 13/12/2013 11:33

I would say you think it's inappropriate and get your own card.

I also think it's really inappropriate and would not want to put my name to it. Seriously, on what level is a card like that ok in the workplace?

Original poster
Callani · 13/12/2013 11:33

Thanks everyone, glad you don't think I'm being silly about it - I'll buy my own card at the weekend then.

I don't think my colleague realised it could be taken the wrong way but I guess that's just different senses of humour! Definitely not my sort, in or out of the office!!!

OP posts:
Crinkle77 · 13/12/2013 15:55

You could say that you have already bought a card and written it and don't want it to go to waste.

Wabbitty · 13/12/2013 16:59

Sorry OP, I didn't realise it was THAT bad. I wouldn't be signing that card either.

SirChenjin · 13/12/2013 17:01

Bloody hell! Not really appropriate for the workplace, is it? I wouldn't sign it either, and would buy a separate one.

Is your workplace really informal?

formerbabe · 13/12/2013 17:02

Is it terrible that I laughed at that?! Not very suitable but I would sign it and forget it.

Shallishanti · 13/12/2013 17:06

Blimey, that really IS bad- crude and misogynist- if he is at all decent he will be mortified. I can't imagine that many of your colleagues approve, either. I'd do as someone else suggests and buy an alternative.

Or am I on a different planet from the rest of the world??

Deadhamsterssmell · 13/12/2013 17:08

I wouldn't be putting my name on that card. I am not a prude but that really isn't appropriate.

I think I would do what Crinkle has said and pretend I'd already got him a card.

formerbabe · 13/12/2013 17:19

Sorry but I think it is a massive over reaction. I think people will really think its odd if you don't sign it and give your own card separately.

HyvaPaiva · 13/12/2013 17:23

Shock That's completely inappropriate! YANBU.

desperateforaholiday · 13/12/2013 17:24

Sign it and put a disclaimer on it Grin

If your the youngest in your team, he may think you bought it

Shallishanti · 13/12/2013 17:24

Much odder to go along with something that you feel really uncomfortable with, and which is massively unprofessional. Other people will be relieved if OP takes a lead, IMO

DamnBamboo · 13/12/2013 17:24

Why is she overreacting?
She just doesn't want to sign a card - I don't think that's an overraction at all.

Joysmum · 13/12/2013 17:25

I thought it was funny, but that's not the pint, the point is that you are free to do what you want to. I'd be tempted to not sign as you can say you've already got a card.

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