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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being mean and uptight or is it cool to be unreliable now a days (money related)

34 replies

Upcycled · 13/12/2013 10:01

I am taking my Dc to the theatre this weekend and people started to invite themselves and asking to go with me. As I was the one with time and knew better the details of the show, I ended up being responsible for buying everyone's ticket at once whit the agreement that they would pay me in advance. It became a group affair. Lovely.

So, some people did pay me and some people didn't and I am now waiting for 5 tickets to be paid for.

I am sure they will give me the money on the day or at some point, but this was not the agreement and I have chased the payments up twice already, I don't want to ask anymore as I feel bad by doing it since fortunately my bank account can wait.

I am sure they will pay but how can they be so laid back assuming that I can wait, specially during Christmas time? Specially after I asked twice for the money? I gave them the opportunity to pay by cash or bank transfer and I see them every day, so no excuses really.

May I also point out that these people are immensely better off then me and have never had money worries in their life whereas my family are just going with the flow. The reason why I can wait is because I am very savvy and don't have as many luxuries as they do. I am putting off a lot of stuff I would like to do for myself and my family just for the sake to have some on the side for an emergency.

But I feel mean just by worrying about this money, or perhaps it isn't the money issues that is pissing me off but people being so relaxed about the whole thing. I feel disrespected I guess and this is putting me off going out with them.

One thing I can say: will never organise anything with them again.

OP posts:
purplebaubles · 13/12/2013 10:02

Just ring them and say you need the money now? It's Christmas!

gordyslovesheep · 13/12/2013 10:02

whit the agreement that they would pay me in advance you should have stuck to this really

but ASK them for it

emblosion · 13/12/2013 10:04

YANBU at all. Ring and ask outright for the money though.

pianodoodle · 13/12/2013 10:05

I sometimes find that people with more money can forget that not everyone's in the same position and don't realise others can't necessarily wait around for it.

YANBU

HettiePetal · 13/12/2013 10:07

It's not cool, you are not being mean or uptight....they are fricking rude.

Either try asking for the money again, more insistently - or resign yourself to waiting for it and never bother doing them a favour again.

NinjaBunny · 13/12/2013 10:10

No. It's not cool. Cool people pay their bills and don't leave people hanging.

They have poor manners.

mrsjay · 13/12/2013 10:10

you are not being uptight people can think oh i will just give them it whenever and it is rude tell them you need the money dont apologise just remind them that you paid for them ,

Original poster
Upcycled · 13/12/2013 10:14

I have asked twice!
I have also sent a lovely email to all concerned with all the details of everything, this is sure another reminder.

I just don't want to be given a wad of cash on the day. I don't want to be counting notes, finding change. i want to be relaxed, happy and enjoying myself.

But it is not a big deal as I know them well and I am sure they will pay so that is why I just feel silly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Upcycled · 13/12/2013 10:15

gordyslovesheep Fri 13-Dec-13 10:02:54
whit the agreement that they would pay me in advance you should have stuck to this really

It is not me who is not sticking to it...

OP posts:
mrsjay · 13/12/2013 10:16

oh ok i get you now can you see them before your day out ask them to bring it round the house before you go, just tell them you would prefer not to have all that money on you, or you could send some heavies round to their house Grin

Original poster
Upcycled · 13/12/2013 10:19

I guess the point I want to make is:

Do I ask more insistently and therefore send the message I am not being taken for a fool and demand respect

Or do I just wait around like it doesn't matter, swallow my pride and slowly start avoiding them in the future? Because that is what I see myself doing, I don't hold grudges but I don't want to be around people who does not give a shit about me.

OP posts:
mrsjay · 13/12/2013 10:21

yes say I need the money before we go to the theatre, no apology and no niceness you tried that

mrsjay · 13/12/2013 10:21

or say I WANT which is more assertive

WillSingForCake · 13/12/2013 10:23

I had this when organising a hen-do. I sent an email saying £20 may not seem a lot of money to you, when 10 people owe you it adds up to a lot. I would send a very direct email expressing your feelings, they are taking the piss!

mumofweeboys · 13/12/2013 10:24

Ring them or text them and say you need the money as you have to pay off your credit card now which you brought the tickets with

Cat98 · 13/12/2013 10:26

I would email or better ring them and just ask for the money directly. 'I need that £x please, when can you bring it round/when can I come and get it'?

Original poster
Upcycled · 13/12/2013 10:32

What pisses me off is that I didn't invite them nor offered to buy the tickets, they asked me.

Just sent txts, they will probably be [hmmm] now.
Not my fault.

OP posts:
Callani · 13/12/2013 10:33

YANBU and I so feel for you. I had a number of friends like this when I was younger who used to owe me money and it drove me mad (particularly as they did the "well seeing as you gave me £10 why don't I just buy you a £10 drink?" SO frustrating)

Definitely ask again and point out that, as 5 people owe you money it's £xxx rather than £xx.

I agree that the more money people have, the less they seem to care about paying people back because they don't realise the stress that finances can cause. It's not on though

GinnelsandWhippets · 13/12/2013 10:36

Yep, just ask firmly and directly. I have a friend who often organises events and books things for others. She is very very blunt about requests for people to pay up and no one gets offended. Send them an email, with your bank details, saying 'come on guys, this is taking the piss now isn't it? Please ping me the money for your ticket or I'll have to sell it. Thanks!'. I bet you no one will get arsey - they know that they owe you.

sebsmummy1 · 13/12/2013 10:40

Never lend nor a lender be. Seriously this kind if thing just leads to bad feelings so you have my sympathies.

I'm not sure what the right thing to do is. I think the best way would be to ring them so you have a clear conversation, texts are easily forgotten about. You could just say any chance I could have the ticket money before (day of the concert as I'm concerned about ending up with wads of cash on me or cheques that I'll no doubt lose'. Then never repeat the experience again.

Original poster
Upcycled · 13/12/2013 10:40

I guess the more money people have the least they want to part with it and try to hold on to it until the last minute.
Some well off people seem to be more fist tight then the ones who are not so fortunate.
And it also about keeping you word and credibility isn't it? They can't even claim they have forgotten all about it.
Maybe I am the problem, whenever I owe someone something for whatever reason, I don't rest until I pay.
I don't borrow money and I do lend sometimes and when I lend money to friends I can be quite flexible and relaxed about getting it back, however this situation is different.
I feel they are taking the piss but why would they do that?

OP posts:
sebsmummy1 · 13/12/2013 10:42

Having worked in an industry where I worked for a lot of wealthy people I would say it's less that they are tight and much more that they just don't give money a second thought.

Original poster
Upcycled · 13/12/2013 10:43

Believe me, these ones are tight fisted, I know them.
They didn't need to be though.

OP posts:
GingleBells · 13/12/2013 10:50

I have had similar and I just stopped engaging with the person until they got the hint and paid me.

They had to use it as a conversation opener in the end as I was ignoring their texts.

Again a very well off person who was used to taking the piss and not bothering to think about other people's situations, because they could afford to be casual about stuff like that.

I would suggest being very specific and approaching each person again individually.

Say 'Do you think you could bring the money at pick up tonight, because I am getting anxious about it and want it all settled before the day.'

And get a 'yes sure. I will bring it later'. And then you approach them at pick up and ask if they remembered to bring the money. Be nice and smile a lot but keep on about it.

GingleBells · 13/12/2013 10:51

Also when you say you're getting anxious, mention that you are still waiting for 5 people to pay you back, which deflects it a bit onto the others - not just them. More general iyswim.