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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to see my dad twice at Christmas without my mum getting upset

29 replies

thefuturesnotourstosee · 12/12/2013 21:24

My parents divorced when I was 5. They don't talk unless they have to.

At Christmas we're meeting my dad and his wife for lunch on 23rd then going to my mums until morning of 27th then dad has invited us to lunch at his house on 27th. After that off to MIL for a couple of days.

I told my mum we're leaving on morning of 27th and made the mistake of telling her why. She went completely cold on me and said "no need to see him twice is there, you don't normally see him twice at Christmas" then put the phone down on me. This evening I got back to a message saying that if I wanted to spend the whole of chrismtas with my dad that I should just do it and forget all about her as i clearly don't care or want to see her.

WTF? I don't want to spend the whole of Christmsa with dad just want to see him a couple of times for lunch!!

I can't get anything right :(

AIBU?

OP posts:
littlewhitechristmasbag · 12/12/2013 21:27

You are with your mum from 23rd to 27th and she is moaning about you seeing your dad twice? Bit hypocritical of her. I would stick to the plan and tell her she is being ridiculous.

pictish · 12/12/2013 21:27

Of course you're not.

BitOutOfPractice · 12/12/2013 21:28

Crikey YANBU Sad

How long ago did they divorce? I'm sorry to say but your mom sounds very emotionally manipulative

Finola1step · 12/12/2013 21:30

You are all adults. Make your decision. See your Dad. Ignore your mums responses. Enjoy your Christmas. Oh and YANBU.

EQ2Junkie · 12/12/2013 21:31

Seriously how old is your mother 5?

You are seeing her after lunch on 23rd?, 24th, Christmas & Boxing days themselves and 27th until you leave. How can she throw a strop about what 6 hours seeing your dad over 2 lunch times?

Just send back a 'sorry you feel that way' and don't engage any further.

Silly woman.

Original poster
thefuturesnotourstosee · 12/12/2013 21:32

bitoutofpractise 32 years ago!!

Thanks for the perspective was actually beginning to feel as if I'd done something wrong :(

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 12/12/2013 21:33

I would be tempted to call her bluff and do as she says..

Yellowcake · 12/12/2013 21:34

Dear me, OP, how grim. Stick to your guns firmly but politely. Your mother is being deeply unreasonable.

SecretRed · 12/12/2013 21:44

Your mum is being ridiculous

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 12/12/2013 21:49

YANBU and I can sympathise because my mother has behaved in a similar way about contact with my dad. similar time frame since they divorced as your parents.

I would call your mums bluff tbh or at least be very tempted to. how dare she behave in such a ridiculous way?! you've done nothing wrong!

PotteringAlong · 12/12/2013 21:50

Say "ok then, I'll see you in January" and see what she says to that...

Preciousbane · 12/12/2013 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TapirbackFucker · 12/12/2013 22:17

She's hoping to guilt you into doing what she wants you to do.

You can go along with her rather heavy handed manipulative efforts, or you can call her bluff.

Buzzardisnotina4birdroast · 12/12/2013 22:19

Seriously, I would be tempted to tell her to "grow the fuck up". That is ridiculous using emotional blackmail to get her own way. He may have hurt her badly but he is still your Father.

Ask yourself if you would treat your child that way?

TapirbackFucker · 12/12/2013 22:19

Oh and I forgot - YANBU to do what you want to do during your xmas holidays.

ivykaty44 · 12/12/2013 22:29

I am afriad I would let her know that this type of behaviour is very silly and she needs to realise that it will drive you away from her if she continues down this route as it is unpleasant and manipulative. If she really doesn't want you to spend Christmas with her then that would be a shame but if the invite still stands then you would be delighted to come and put this silly nonsense of hers behind you and not to be repeated.

Unfortunately Op you will have to be the parent and best to parent with a fair firm hand and be straight

BlingBang · 12/12/2013 22:31

Are you ready to take a stand even if it's tough? Why don't you send an email or letter telling her how you feel about this and how she makes you fee, how you want things to be etc. Gives you a chance to set it out without getting emotional or brushed off and gives her a chance to think about it. Or, let her emotionally abuse and blackmail you - as you know she is being unreasonable.

kateecass · 12/12/2013 22:35

I have a mother like this!! I'm staying with her for Xmas and told her I'm going to my Dads for lunch at his for Boxing lunch. It was met with silence!! Which I reciprocated with silence too. It seems to work better than saying anything!! She has now had an invite from my Dad and his wife. They manage to get on somehow!!

So no YANBU!!! And sorry you have a mum like this too.

VikingLady · 12/12/2013 22:36

2 lunches vs 4 days?! YANBU!

kateecass · 12/12/2013 22:42

I also agree with what ivy and bling say. I have told her before that her emotional manipulativeness (I wouldn't use those words perhaps) makes me want to stay away. She is better than she used to be. She would previously gave responded with "I'll be on my own!".

makingdoo · 12/12/2013 22:48

YANBU Your Mum is being ridiculous

You need to be straight with her and tell her that she is important but your Dad equally so. I've got the rage over this on your behalf!

Original poster
thefuturesnotourstosee · 13/12/2013 09:07

She just phoned and apologised. I think she realised she was being ridiculous. I didn't say much just accepted her apology and said we'd see her on the 23rd after lunch with dad.

Sigh. I love Christmas but I hate the politics that seem to arise every year

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 13/12/2013 10:07

Oh that's good OP. I'm glad she did that. Just give her a big hug on 23rd and enjoy your Christmas

Sparklymommy · 13/12/2013 10:16

How ridiculous of your mum op. I feel for you, I really do!

Preciousbane · 13/12/2013 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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