To not be asked for the works xmas lunch.

[workwoe]

I am studying (mature student) and have to do a work placement. I have been there for 6 months and thought I had settled in well. I always do above what I am asked and have always if I have free time do extra hours all totally voluntary.

Today I was asked by some of the staff am I looking forward to my xmas lunch, I did not know what they were talking about, turns out they are just going to the local pub for a meal. I would have loved to come rather than walking round the shops for my lunch. When I went to lunch my mentor said you have been working fab lately you can take an extra 30 mins for lunch.

There are other students that I know are going, my mentor is known for her forgetfulness, and we get on well.

I'm just a little bit upset that I was not asked. AIBU

1)Op could have asked her boss.
2)Op could have said something when her colleagues were cahttign about it.
3)Even today, when they all started to get up and leave their desks, ALL at the same time (which is normally quite uncommon), she didn't say "off somewhere nice"?
To which, anyone with half a heart would have said:
'office party, why aren't you coming'
to which Op could have said 'know nothing about it'
To which the person would have said " well you do now"

and I would have added "come on, get your coat, you've pulled"
because I am quite jokey like that, and I say those kind of jokey things woman to woman aswell, and to much older male colleagues etc etc. But even if you don't work in an office like that.
Atleast someone would have had the heart to include you. Once challenged. In a not particularly confrontational way.

Op could have done all/any of these things.
I think she needs to show some strength and stand up for herself more.

Did you have to be specifically invited by your mentor? When the others were talking about it could you not just have said you didn't know about it. I'm sure they would have said come along.

Where I work the Christmas party is organised by sticking a poster on the wall or group email, not by word of mouth.

Your mentor sounds a bit rubbish.

I get this all the time at work because I'm part time and tempting. I don't take it personally though. I've had a call from the restaurant before when they realised they'd forgotten to invite me...

When my work organised anything, I always make sure an email is sent to the whole department to make sure nobody is forgotten.

In a previous place I worked, a colleague asked me why she hadn't been invited to the pub. I said, ask xxx, as she organised it. Xxx sits next to the person who wasn't invited. It was an embarrassing oversight. Not mine of course.

I had this, it was horrible. I was in as a temp (full time for a year) and had worked there for 3 months. I was deliberately excluded as the person organising it didn't like me. I overheard my other colleagues talking about the work evening do, and with a cheery smile asked them about it. Only to be told that I wasn't invited as I'd started with them after it had been arranged the month before. They looked incredibly sheepish when I pointed out I'd been here 3 months and it would just be one phone call to add one more person. But they weren't willing to go against the person who disliked me.

On the day when everyone (full office of 40 people) all got up to leave, and I didn't, a couple of lovely people came over to say "are you coming?", when I said I wasn't invited they couldn't believe it and said I must come anyway. But as a single mum with no babysitter that wasn't an option by then.

In my head I had been assertive and asked, I didn't want to make a scene with the organiser and I know she would have just confirmed that I wasn't invited.

What I should have done was chatted to the other departments, but I didn't know them beyond saying hello. It was very touching that a few had come over at all.

It ended up with me being horribly bullied within my department but having lovely friends in other parts of the office, so it really was down to one person.

I tried to get transferred but my manager blocked me at every turn as I was "so good at my job".

I eventually gave in and left.

Sorry that won't happen to you! But don't stay in a dept where you're unhappy just because your boss can't cope without you. You have been made to feel unvalued. Hopefully you will get a full apology and she will try to make it up to you, but if not, you may find your feelings towards your work have changed.

It doesnt matter what age you are to be left out and feel excluded from anything is horrible, a really horrible feeling.

Tecnically flawless. Pitch perfect. Try it without autotuner.

It may be that it is just assumed everyone is invited, and so you haven't received an invite because it's assumed you will just say if you want to come.

Or it could be that the students aren't invited and the other students have assumed above and just said they're coming and the rest of the work people are chuntering about it.

Oh no, poor OP. I do hope this gets resolved today and you're feeling happier now!

I don't say anything in these situations either as I think the fear of being told outright that 'You're not invited' and being made to feel even worse just paralyses me. At least if I don't say anything then I can carry on thinking that it was an accidental oversight (which it usually is tbf as I have Aspergers and quite a lot of my friends haven't yet worked out that like a vampire I have to be formally and unambiguously invited to places as I will never just assume that I'm included!). ;)

It's nasty and hurtful even if just an oversight. Of course you feel upset.

Exclusion is horrible at any age, OT doesn't somehow get better as you grow up, although you may be able to think about it differently from a child, it still has the same motivation and hurt.

First job I had, this happened to me except it was completely deliberate and just plain nasty on the part of the 50something director. I still find it incredible that a mature woman would be so petty and nasty to a 21yr old. Nice.