Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be asked for the works xmas lunch.

60 replies

workwoe · 12/12/2013 12:26

I am studying (mature student) and have to do a work placement. I have been there for 6 months and thought I had settled in well. I always do above what I am asked and have always if I have free time do extra hours all totally voluntary.

Today I was asked by some of the staff am I looking forward to my xmas lunch, I did not know what they were talking about, turns out they are just going to the local pub for a meal. I would have loved to come rather than walking round the shops for my lunch. When I went to lunch my mentor said you have been working fab lately you can take an extra 30 mins for lunch.

There are other students that I know are going, my mentor is known for her forgetfulness, and we get on well.

I'm just a little bit upset that I was not asked. AIBU

OP posts:
CiderBomb · 12/12/2013 14:16

Gobby, as the OP's colleagues obviously assumed that she was invited when they asked her if she was looking foreword to it, and that other students were also invited, I'd say it's pretty obvious that it's not just a group of friends getting together.

As for the comment about us all being six, getting left out or excluded at work makes you feel like shit. I hope it never happens to you, well actually I do so you can see how upsetting it is.

I'd also have to disagree that anyone who deliberately leaves someone out is not a bad person. I think it's bloody spiteful to do something like that.

Topaz25 · 12/12/2013 15:45

gobbynorthernbird, it very much depends if it is a just few friends or everyone else in their department having lunch. If everyone else is invited, especially if it's the official work Christmas celebration, excluding one person is petty and doesn't make for a pleasant work environment.

edwinbear · 12/12/2013 16:00

YADNBU. About a month ago I was deliberately excluded from an evening team building night out. I only found out about it as my colleagues all sloped off early in their casual clothes at 4.45pm. I did question it and was told there was only space for 10 people and there are 11 of us. It is mean, spitelful, humiliating and hurtful. I am still furious about it now and the entire atmosphere at work has changed since. You should definitely mention it, maybe ask if they enjoyed their lunch and see it your mentor looks all sheepish. The guy who excluded me hasn't been able to look me in the face since.

Original poster
workwoe · 12/12/2013 17:53

I did not get the chance to mention it as she did not come back as had meeting out all afternoon.

18 people in the office/department 16 went, 1 couldn't make it and me who was not invited.

Yes Gobby we are all 6 Hmm

OP posts:
NotALondoner · 12/12/2013 18:02

Excluding people is just fucking nasty and selfish.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 12/12/2013 19:18

Horrible.

Did anyone say anything to you afterwards?

ChasedByBees · 12/12/2013 19:24

That is really shit. I hope they noticed you were missing and wondered why. Make sure you tell others!

Onesleeptillwembley · 12/12/2013 19:26

Maybe she thought that as it was (possibly, you said it was cheaper) subsidised that only staff could go, not realising the other people on placement were going.

CiderBomb · 12/12/2013 20:14

I agree excluding people is fucking nasty. Although I will say that a pub is a public place and some, more confident people might have just pitched up there anyway. I wonder what they'd have done if you'd have done that?

I wouldn't let this go OP, and if you find out you were excluded on purpose I'd make a point of NOT putting myself out for them and doing any kind of overtime again, fuck them.

Original poster
workwoe · 12/12/2013 20:44

A few people asked why I wasn't there and seemed shocked when I told them I knew nothing about it, followed by a few comments about how awful it was but you I know how rubbish she is. She would not of done it on purpose etc etc. I think its not so much she forgot its that she did not care to remember.

They said as it was in the pub I should of just gone. I wish I had it in my personality to just turn up, but I don't.

One of the girls is leaving next week to have a baby and I have been invited to the pub for a send off :)

OP posts:
ForalltheSaints · 12/12/2013 21:04

Whilst it is unfortunate you weren't asked, usually such things are such boring affairs I am grateful to have an excuse not to go.

JollySantersSelectionBox · 12/12/2013 21:27

Have a smashing time next week - closer to Christmas so will feel more festive. Wine

MidniteScribbler · 12/12/2013 21:31

Why did you sit back and wait for an invitation? You knew it was going on, you could have just asked if it was for permanent staff only or if you could attend. Honestly, this passive aggressive sit back and wait until someone notices my absence crap really pisses me off. Open your mouth and just fucking ask.

timidviper · 12/12/2013 21:37

That's a bit harsh Midnite. I don't think I would be comfortable to invite myself

The trouble with things like this is that, rightly or wrongly, it makes you feel like the child left out in the playground Sad. I would still say something to her when you can. People treat you how you allow them to treat you and, knowing that she hurt your feelings, might jog her memory next time something is needed

MidniteScribbler · 12/12/2013 21:42

We're not children in a playground. It's one thing to not know about the event until after it occurred, and be hurt. But it's another thing to know about it and sit back waiting for your engraved invitation, then sulking when it never arrives. The OP had plenty of opportunities from when the co-worker asked if she was attending, to when the boss said she could have an extra 30 minutes for lunch to bring it up, but chose to sit back. If she'd said 'hey what about that lunch?" and was told she wasn't included, then I'd absolutely say she was right to be hurt. But she'd rather play the sympathy card than step up and just ask. There's lots of industries where this crap just doesn't fly, and if she wants to get a job in one of them, then she needs to learn to speak up.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 12/12/2013 21:49

If it was a whole team invite why wasn't a memo or notice put up.

That's how it get organised in my work place.

I suspect it was a lack of communication rather than not being invited

SinisterSal · 12/12/2013 21:50

bollocks midnite. I'm pretty sure OP doesn't work at GloboCorp Inc - everywhere else normal rules of social interaction apply.

Lilacroses · 12/12/2013 21:59

I feel sad for you OP, that is so nasty or incredibly "forgetful". Of course it's not ok Gobby to invite 17 out of 18 people in an office to a lunch but to exclude one person. Your nasty comment "are you 6" was really uncalled for. As if anyone wouldn't feel hurt by this, that is not being imature, it is being a human being. I don't think the onus was on OP to ask about it.....everyone else apparently knew about it already and she was put in a really embarrassing situation, it's really difficult to ask about something like this when there is a real possibility that you've been left out on purpose. What on earth was her boss thinking of in not saying something?

I hope someone has the decency to apologise to you OP.

SaucyJack · 12/12/2013 22:05

I'm sorry to say it sounds like a deliberate exclusion to me.

I hope she had a good-ish reason for it, but YANBU to feel hurt.

Darkesteyes · 12/12/2013 22:41

I bet she "cares to remember" you when she needs you to do extra hours.

Daddypigsgusset · 12/12/2013 22:57

What a load of Cunts

lagoonhaze · 12/12/2013 23:03

Interested about work placement? Social care?

Sounds like mentor doesnt have your learning and progression ahead of her cant cope without you.

Millenniumbug1 · 12/12/2013 23:11

OP, YANBU, it was thoughtless & mean. Don't waste your time thinking about your manager. If the offer from the other department still stands, why don't you go & have a chat & see how you'd like it there?
In the meantime, here's a mumsnet "do" for you with Wine and some Cake moreWine and Biscuit it's getting going now Xmas Smile So here it is Merry Christmas Wine Wine. That's it, I'm off home now for a Brew, staggers for a taxi.....

CiderwithBuda · 12/12/2013 23:16

Horrible. I am nt surprised you are hurt. I would be too.

Similar happened to me once. Was temping before moving overseas with my then fiancé. Now DH. We met working together in a particular industry. I left and Temped for various reasons as we were moving overseas together. The firm he and I worked for together merged with the firm I was temping with. It was all open and talked about. Xmas came and there was a Xmas lunch for the group I was on. I had been there for a while. I knew nothing abut it till they all trotted off. Some looked embarrassed come back when they realised I hadn't been included. Karma came back to bite them one the bum when we arrived back after two years overseas and DH became their group manager! That was funny.

Oblomov · 13/12/2013 07:46

I think Midnite has a point.
Although I would have phrased it more politely. Wink
Mn is brilliant at this, for proving us ( i.e me, who is not the most quick witted) of a snappy but not rude comment to make in these exact circumstances.
The equivalent of of 'did you mean to be so rude'.

I too would have asked her. The boss. Before.
Op is a tiny bit passive aggressive, surely you must all agree.
Op COULD have done something about this before. I would have. She chose not to.