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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be saddened by DDs' nursery's approach to 'stranger danger'

72 replies

seafoodudon · 12/12/2013 10:10

Genuinely not sure about this one. I received an email from nursery yesterday informing me that this year Santa would only drop presents off at the Christmas party and wouldn't stay to talk to the children. This is because the nursery feel they cannot encourage the children to speak to a stranger. My reaction is that this is sad/ridiculous and counter-intuitive as:
a) to follow their logic they are saying it's ok to accept presents from a stranger but not speak to them?!
and b) I hate the trope that it's not acceptable for children to speak to strangers. Surely we should be explaining that it's not ok for them to go off with a stranger. Personally, I think it's nice to be encouraging children to have a little bit of independence from a really early age - e.g. I would always encourage my 2 year old to hand over the money for her magazine, or hand her books to the librarian to be checked out. It's just impossible to function in society without speaking to strangers and I don't understand why this rule is imposed on small children.
HOWEVER, DH thinks I am being totally U about this and that it's a reasonable stance for nursery to take (and more generally that children should not speak to strangers).
I'm interested in i) whether anyone else has come across this issue with their child's nursery/school/playgroup and Santa, and ii) AIBU?

OP posts:

pixiepotter · 12/12/2013 19:26

our pre-school has stopped having father Christmas visit too.There is always at least one child who is frightened, so now he drops a sack of presents on his way past.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 12/12/2013 19:31

It's bonkers, YAsooooooNBU! I hate this 'stranger danger' crap. Statistically, a child is unfortunately more likely to be harmed by an adult known to them. We need to teach children to trust their intuition and trust a chosen adult or two to tell them anything that makes them feel "hmm that's not right" or however it translates in their young minds.

Catsize · 12/12/2013 19:32

This is bonkers. I, for one, will be teaching my child that it is totally normal for a man in a jolly red suit to creep into his bedroom in the middle of the night. Only on Christmas Eve mind you...

tobiasfunke · 12/12/2013 19:51

I'd second the idea that they didn't bother getting disclosure for Santa and it's too late now so instead of admitting they've arsed up they have come up with this ridiculous policy- which is, BTW, mental.
He wouldn't be a stranger as he would be introduced to the kids by the nursery staff.

mrsjay · 12/12/2013 20:02

I am all sad faced that Santa is now seen as a stranger

Tanith · 12/12/2013 21:01

Nursery age? I don't blame them!

DH once dressed up as Santa for our toddler group Christmas party - kids were aged up to and including 4 years old.

Not one of them looked pleased to see him - on the contrary, they looked terrified! 2 or 3 had hysterics and we even had one child begging "He's not coming to my house! I don't want him to come to my house!"

Never again!!

Original poster

seafoodudon · 12/12/2013 21:03

Maybe that is it. But I THINK this would be a misinterpretation of CRB guidelines?! My experience of working with kids (admittedly a few years ago) was that it's fine not to be CRB checked if you're doing a one off activity with children as long as you will never be alone with a child. It was only as a 'regular' volunteer (typically after your 3rd session) that you had to be checked. So I wouldn't have thought that santa - if he was just turning up to our party once - would need the check?

OP posts:

Original poster

seafoodudon · 12/12/2013 21:06

Tanith - fair enough, I know some kids are freaked out by Santa. I am not arguing that they should have Santa there, but just that the reason they give for not having one isn't, IMO, a sensible one.

OP posts:

uselessinformation · 12/12/2013 21:46

A few posters have said that they tell their children not to go off with anyone they don't know so can I stress that it is important to tell them not to go with anyone even those they know if their parents haven't told them that those are the arrangements.

FudgefaceMcZ · 12/12/2013 21:55

Eh wtf? YANBU!

grumpalumpgrumped · 12/12/2013 22:19

uselessinformation was just going to post the same, DS1 knows he is never to go off with anyone other than me or DH unless we have told him its ok (except for grandma).

Tanith · 12/12/2013 23:19

Seafoodudon, I agree - daft reason to give

When you think of it, though, it's quite a scary idea for some little ones:

"...and this big man, who you don't know, is going to come into your house, into your bedroom while you're asleep..."

Goldmandra · 12/12/2013 23:33

It is the staff's job to teach the children how to risk assess for themselves. What are the children learning from avoiding Father Christmas altogether? Nothing.

If they are that concerned about stranger danger, it would be far better to talk to the children around the time of the visit and get them to think about the crucial difference between speaking to someone they have just met with the guidance and protection of close carer and being approached by someone and enticed away.

MrsTomHardy · 12/12/2013 23:39

I run a preschool and Santa is popping in to give

cestlavielife · 12/12/2013 23:40

Suggest nursery gets advice from nspcc and does the pants stuff
www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/for-parents/keeping-your-child-safe/the-underwear-rule/the-underwear-rule_wda97016.html

The no stranger idea is v confusing because you can talk to strangers Ina shop, a pleasant neighbour etc . Not every stranger is off limits to chat too. It s more compext than that ,

MrsTomHardy · 12/12/2013 23:40

Sorry pressed wrong button....Santa is popping in to our Christmas party to hand out presents....
YANBU

printmeanicephoto · 12/12/2013 23:48

Bonkers - OTT and ridiculous! If my kids went to a nursery like that I would think the staff had lost the plot.

I HATE the idea that kids shouldn't talk to strangers. So they shouldn't talk to a little 90 year old lady that is being friendly in the park? Yeah, lets make our kids suspicious of everyone shall we? This is partly why we have a lack of male teachers in primary schools.

I teach my kids yes speak to strangers by all means, but don't go anywhere with them or take anything from them.

TwistedRib · 12/12/2013 23:57

Political Correctness gone mad!
Does that mean that no-one ever visits the nursery then?? Ours had people coming in regularly - including a vet to do a talk, and also a doctor. Oh and what about the toothbrushing lady- she's def a stranger- NOT

TwistedRib · 12/12/2013 23:59

printmeanicephoto · 12/12/2013 23:59

THE UK IS GOING CRAZY - PANTS TO YOUR HEALTH AND SAFETY, PC MADNESS!!

All sense of reasonableness has been lost. Our kids are getting the wrong messages about society. I fight this bollocks whenever I come across it.

Cotton wool kids won't make good future employees or healthy future relationships IMO.

Rant over.

SatinSandals · 13/12/2013 08:04

It makes me rant too! I went into a school to do an assembly and I had to leave my mobile phone in the office because I might use it to take photographs! Never mind that it was in my handbag, switched off and I was in a hall with over a hundred children and lots of adults!!
I just let it go and it was a one off, I mention it to other schools and they all say it was OTT. If it was regular I would make a fuss. I had shown them my CRB form too.
It is crazy!

autumnsmum · 13/12/2013 08:15

I agree so much I keep disagreeing with mil about stranger danger and saying the well known fact that children are more at risk from someone they know .i think some tabloids have whipped up hysteria about this tbh

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