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Original poster

To allow teen dd boyfriend in her bedroom!

64 replies

sugar4eva · 11/12/2013 21:07

Or stupid/ naive?!dd is just turned 15 and has first b friend .we have had a very open and constructive talk about sex and possibly getting carried away by hormones.he is often striking her arm or hip and she is open enough to tell me that she likes it and the feelings it brings . They gave been going out a our of weeks.we have a friend open type home were teens know they are welcome to bring pals and they often end up staying for mes etc . We only have one room with tv in and a large kitchen with sofa in. Dd and bf have tended to sit and watch a film and this has meant rest of family can't reay sit there all the time and this e ending when we all sat together dd said me and bf will go upstairs for a bit ; as she wd with a pal and I must admit that I fad not thought she would say this and I didn't react as v unsure what to say! Normally it total fine friend to to room but I'm worried he not just crud d and a bed nearby may promote ideas sooner than later ! I'm not sure that I want him in bedroom but how could I explain this ? Is it usual for teen boy and gi to friends to go to each others bedroom? We have had discussions about when she is about to come fully sexually active I'd rather her be home than some alleyway etc and that I will support her to go to a clinic etc but its these early days I'm just so u sure about! Help please!

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByAChristmasGrinch · 11/12/2013 21:58

How strange. My thread had a totally different response

usualsuspect · 11/12/2013 22:01

I say the same thing whenever this topic comes up.

MerryFuckingChristmas · 11/12/2013 22:09

I always say no. I allow it now my dd is 18 and in a steady relationship. At 15 ? No way.

Original poster
sugar4eva · 11/12/2013 22:31

Thankyou all. It's a whe new thing for us. !

OP posts:
ArtemisatBrauron · 11/12/2013 22:37

I'd let them - just make sure she has access to contraception and is ready to say no if she decides she isn't ready. My mum and dad let me have BF in my room at this age and we didn't actually DTD for nearly a year after he was allowed "upstairs". It can just be about privacy and wanting to hang out alone!

ExcuseTypos · 11/12/2013 22:38

I let my DDs at that age, but I made sure I needed to go upstairs for things, singing loudly and I'd send the other dd up too, asking if they'd like snacks etc.

They never quite knew when someone would pop into the bedroom so that put them off getting up to too much well, that's what I'm going to think anyway

HerrenaHarridan · 11/12/2013 22:46

Definitely down with keep door ajar and offering tea and snacks intermittently.

Also making sure there are condoms in your bathroom and that she knows that she can change her mind at any point in proceedings and that if he doesn't back right off she can call for you and she won't be getting in trouble!

ExitPursuedByAChristmasGrinch · 11/12/2013 22:49

Yes you did usual.

In fact. Is that why you are called usual?

usualsuspect · 11/12/2013 22:50

Yes ,because I'm usually right Grin

needaholidaynow · 11/12/2013 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ExitPursuedByAChristmasGrinch · 11/12/2013 22:54

[fwine]

ExitPursuedByAChristmasGrinch · 11/12/2013 22:55

Shit. We haven't got seasonal wine Bear

thebody · 11/12/2013 23:09

easier with my boys as just said no way until girls were 16.

with my girls!!! older , dd is nearly 15 and had the same bf for 2 years. we chat all the time. we talk about sex. she knows she can talk to me and I won't be horrified/ judge but sort out contraception together.

each teen and each situation is different so go on what YOU think op.

Defnotsupergirl · 11/12/2013 23:25

I'd be asking her if it's time to go to the doctor to talk frankly about contraception and starting cervical smears and all that then? If she is embarrassed about going and doing this she is too young to have the responsibility of boys in her bedroom. If she is happy to go with you to take all of it seriously then I'd be ok with her assuming the responsible situation of having her boyfriend in her bedroom or even being allowed on a couple only date rather than a group of friends date. I'd say this is the best compromise - then you are protecting her as much as you can.

BrianTheMole · 11/12/2013 23:32

I wouldn't have an issue with it. And I remember what I got up to at that age. Get them to leave the door open if you are worried.

Writerwannabe83 · 11/12/2013 23:35

I wasn't allowed my boyfriends in my bedroom even when I was 18/19.

My friend lets her 15 year old daughter spend time with her boyfriend in the bedroom and said she has walked in on them numerous times having fumbles beneath the duvet.... Hmm

usualsuspect · 11/12/2013 23:37

A couple only date?

Have we transported back to the 1950s?

Morloth · 11/12/2013 23:44

Well I don't know.

I know exactly what we used to get up to.

I have sons and will probably have to keep an eye out for girls like me.

fortifiedwithtea · 12/12/2013 00:27

My DD's bf has only been in her room once whilst I was in the house so they could study. I know what you're thinking but they did study. I made her keep the door open and I was right next door cleaning the bathroom and barging in the whole time Xmas Grin

TBH if they wanted to have sex they would have plenty of opportunity. They are often in the house without me.

BrianTheMole · 12/12/2013 00:29

I have sons and will probably have to keep an eye out for girls like me.

Why though? What is a girl like you? Didn't you get it right in the end?

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 12/12/2013 01:11

I would rather my DC at home in a warm bedroom spending time with a boyfriend/ girlfriend than out in this freezing cold weather worrying about what's going on.

Sex is going to happen, the best any parent or guardian can do is educate on safe sex and talking about no be presured into sex.

Morloth · 12/12/2013 01:24

Pretty much the only reason, I wasn't knocked up by the time I was 17 was because DH had way more self control then I did at that age.

So yes, girls like me - I was running hot from about 15. Girls like sex a lot as well.

And as sinister as it sounds, I don't want them put in a position of being accused of anything untoward. So the door will be kept open, they can think I am an old fuddy duddy as much as they like, and obviously I can't control what they get up to offsite, but in my house the door will be kept open.

Of course teenagers are going to have sex, if they are in a private space with someone they like/love and are attracted to.

I don't know about you but my judgement wasn't that great when I was a teenager.

flyingspaghettimonster · 12/12/2013 01:33

I would say if she has the injection contraception she is allowed upstairs with him, just as a precaution, but say you hope she will be sensible and not move too fast or see it as an excuse not to wait or to use condoms etc. the injection would give me at least peace of mind that pregnancy was unlikely. Pill can be forgotten in teen life...

If she wants to have sex though she will do it anyhow. I was 15 when my boyfriend and I both skived off for the day to have it off for the first time at my house. Mum came back from work unexpectedly ten minutes later and I stashed him under my messy bed... She sat on the bed for two hours chatting with me with the poor bugger underneath...

MiniMonty · 12/12/2013 02:12

This reply has been deleted

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MiniMonty · 12/12/2013 02:14

he is often striking her arm or hip and she is open enough to tell me that she likes it and the feelings it brings .

Seriously ?