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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu about wedding plans?

34 replies

yellowGiraffe8 · 11/12/2013 16:20

My best friend recently announced her engagement to long term partner. I was thrilled for her, she's asked me to be chief bridesmaid. Since announcing her engagement she's phoned me almost daily (for two months now) to discuss wedding plans.

She wants to get married abroad, which in itself will be very costly for myself and her other guests, I will need to pay for myself and dd to travel to her Mediterranean beach destination which has only weekly flights so I'll need to take a week off work, pay for accommodation etc. She's mentioned various months of next year for the wedding and has now settled on July. However, I have been planning an IVF cycle at a private clinic and am due to start treatment next week. If my cycle is successful I won't be able to attend the wedding due to flight restrictions for heavily pregnant women.

I've said this to her but she's reacted badly. I've explained that my IVF may not work, but I don't feel I can book flights etc until I know whether I'm pregnant or not. She wants me to delay my IVF by about six months so I can definitely attend her wedding.

Aibu and a bad friend to continue with my IVF? I'm really sad we've fallen out over this, I understand she wants her dream wedding abroad but I feel she wants me to put my life on hold.

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 11/12/2013 16:40

YASOOOONBU. I can't believe she'd even ask that of you.

KeatsiePie · 11/12/2013 16:41

Of course YANBU. That is not a reasonable thing for her to ask. She's angry with you, really? I just can't imagine being angry b/c my friend's IVF cycle conflicted with my wedding. A bit disappointed, sure, but not angry.

elliejjtiny · 11/12/2013 16:41

YANBU she is being a bridezilla. Good luck with your IVF

WhoNickedMyName · 11/12/2013 16:42

YANBU.

Tbh you had me at the bit about daily phonecalls for two months and she hadn’t even set a date at that point – I knew by then you were probably NBU. You are already a saint. Do not put your IVF on hold for this.

meditrina · 11/12/2013 16:44

You say "best friend", but she doesn't seem to grasp the importance of IVF to you.

Something doesn't quite add up on that.

HomeIsWhereTheHeartIs · 11/12/2013 16:46

No way!! YANBU! I can't believe she asked you that!

OohBridget · 11/12/2013 16:46
Shock
diddl · 11/12/2013 16:47

Of course YANBU to continue IVF to suit you.

Neither would you BU to say no to a week abroad for her wedding.

CoffeeTea103 · 11/12/2013 16:48

Yanbu!! Tell her to find another chief bridesmaid. I just don't understand how people who plan weddings abroad just don't consider costs to other people when doing so. Why should her day be more important than your ivf treatments.

LongTailedTit · 11/12/2013 16:48

Whoooooaaaa.... You're sooooo NBU. I can't believe she's asked you to delay IVF Shock

She's got a full on case of Gluezilla, and is not behaving sanely.

arethereanyleftatall · 11/12/2013 16:51

Of course yanbu. How horrible of her.

HopAlongOnItsOnlyChristmas · 11/12/2013 16:53

The bloody cheek! YAsoNBU. Brizilla Alert.

Kandypane · 11/12/2013 17:03

Ditto all of the above. You nut have already waited so long before starting IVF for a family. She should be being supportive not putting extra pressure on you at this stressful time.

If she's any friend at all she will come round.

Suttonmum1 · 11/12/2013 17:07

Pull out now. The stress of this will not help your IVF. You need to be as relaxed about it as possible.

MrsGarlic · 11/12/2013 17:30

WTF. No you can't delay your IVF and as a friend she should never have asked you.

If you get married abroad you accept that not everyone will be able to attend. Simple.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 11/12/2013 17:33

Yanbu! She on the other hand is a Bridezilla! I thought this as soon as you mentioned daily phone calls for two months.

She needs to understand that although her wedding is important, the world does not revolve around it.

BeigeBuffet · 11/12/2013 17:36

I got married in the summer so can speak as someone who's recently gone through the fuss of organising a wedding.

YANBU at all

Your friend would not be unreasonable to be disappointed that a saint such as yourself couldn't attend, but to ask you to delay your IVF is beyond awful! Is she having a party at home too? If so PLEASE turn up heavily pregnant and steal her thunder.

Good luck with the IVF

Original poster
yellowGiraffe8 · 11/12/2013 17:47

Thanks for all your reassurance! I feel really bad about it, I appreciate that she should choose the wedding she would like and I would like to go, but I can't help but think I really wish she wanted a UK wedding as then I'd almost certainly be able to attend.

I am very excited about the IVF and will most likely continue, I have spent a lot of money on it to date and so don't want to abandon it for a few months at this stage.

OP posts:
Original poster
yellowGiraffe8 · 11/12/2013 17:48

Thanks for all your reassurance! I feel really bad about it, I appreciate that she should choose the wedding she would like and I would like to go, but I can't help but think I really wish she wanted a UK wedding as then I'd almost certainly be able to attend.

I am very excited about the IVF and will most likely continue, I have spent a lot of money on it to date and so don't want to abandon it for a few months at this stage.

OP posts:
FandangoLaLaLaLaLaLaLaaaa · 11/12/2013 18:50

YADNBU!

This happened to me last year (not IVF but TTC) one of my friends hit the roof, stormed out of a restaurant and called me selfish to anyone who would listen as I asked her to hold off buying me a £300 dress in case I couldn't wear it. My favourite thing she said was "I can't believe you'd rather have a baby than be my bridesmaid. You can have a baby any time but you'll only get one chance to be my bridesmaid." Shock

I really do think weddings can make some people lose all perspective as it's the biggest thing in their life at the time and they've blown it out of all proportion in their heads.

I hope you continue with your IVF plans and wish you lots of luck Thanks

busylizzy12 · 12/12/2013 11:54

YANBU

My dp, dd & I have been invited to 4 weddings of close friends which are happening abroad. What really grinds my gears is when they say "we're doing it overseas because we wouldn't be able to afford the same in the UK" gah - i want to be there for them but there never seems to be any consideration about how people will afford it.

For gods sake don't reschedule your IVF.

Trooperslane · 12/12/2013 12:00

She has her priorities so fucked up. GL with the IVF Grin

AnAdventureInCakeAndWine · 12/12/2013 12:00

YADNBU in the slightest.

Ephiny · 12/12/2013 12:01

YANBU. Of course you shouldn't postpone your treatment for someone else's wedding Shock.

People really do lose all sense of perspective sometimes when it comes to their wedding. Of course it's an exciting and important day for her, but it's just one day, and other people's lives have to go on in the meantime!

eurochick · 12/12/2013 12:02

YADNBU. She is behaving terribly.