To say no to my neighbour and DS lift share

[TheAccidentalExhibitionist]

So my neighbour and I take it in turns taking our children to school. I do the mornings and take her two children and my DS and she does afternoons and brings them all home. So far it's worked a treat.

Yesterday she asked me to drop her DD to a church service in another town next to the school before l drop off on Friday. I refused
a, because it would make my DS late for school. The road linking the two towns is terrible in the morning and her DC is due at the service at the same time my DS starts school and
b, because that wasn't part of the deal. I'm happy to take her DC to school but I thought she was cheeky to ask me to take her to another town.

She's in a right huff about it. She said she's going to have a think about it, all the other mums with two kids are dropping their children off at the service first then driving to school. As far as I can see this would make the traffic even worse for me.
I know I could do it but she has a history for this kind of thing. She persuaded my DH to drive her to the airport at 4am a few months ago. We don't live far, she should have got a taxi.
I'm also a stickler for time, I hate being late and don't see why my DS should be late. If it were the other way round, I wouldn't ask her to take my DS somewhere else.
I offered to drive her other DC and my DS to school as usual as per our arrangement and she can take her DD to the service herself. Am I being unreasonable?

YADNBU! It would be different if your dc had to go there too but if it's just hers she needs to sort it out!

YAWBU, as long as you were polite and pleasant in your refusal.

Nope! This is why I avoid getting into reciprocal agreements as invariably my good nature is usually taken advantage if and I've had enough of it.

YANBU to say no. I suppose it's not unreasonable of her to ask but it is unreasonable to be huffy about it as it was not part of the original arrangement.

If lots of other mums are going, surely she could arrange for her DD to go with one of them instead?

Sorry YAWBU = YWNBU

No yanbu at all. You are completely within reason to say a big, fat no for the reasons you state - especially the traffic issue. Let one of those other mums give her child a ride.

I think I'm digging my heels in to make a point and set a boundary with her IYSWIM. I know she thinks I'm being unkind. She could drive her DD herself, she doesn't work.

No, not that I can see. She was also out of order challenging you instead of accepting your refusal. Too pushy/bossy for my liking.

You're not being unreasonable. You take her two children to school along with yours, and she wants you to go out of your way to take one of her children to some church thing?

Why wouldn't you just take her child and yours to school, and she can drive her other one to church? That way everyone gets where they need to be when the need to be there.

"She said she's going to have a think about it,"

What's she going to have to think about?

I've seen it said on here that 'no' is a complete sentence - leave at that you don't have to justify it. She is bu not you!

Cheeky cow - YADNBU

Exactly diddl she said she's going to text me today with her decision I wonder if she is going to refuse to accept my refusal.
She can't force me to take her though, I'll just dig my heels in more. I don't want to spoil the arrangement though as it suits us both.

ywnbu , especially as you said you would still take other child. Can she not take her herself ?

Yes she can take her DD herself, they are a two car family. I think she's gotten used to not getting up in the morning and she doesn't want to sit in traffic either.

YANBU - I have a similar arrangement with 2 neighbours, but we said up front that anything other than the straightforward run to and from school wouldn't be included in the arrangement and would be up to individuals to sort out. (we do do odd other things that aren't in the standard arrangements but by mutual agreement - no way would I be miffed if one of the others couldn't do it).

OP "I can't take X to the church on Friday"

X's mother " I don't accept that, of course you can"??!!

Boggling!

If she's really stuck I'd try to do it-but it would be on my terms-ie taking my child to school first.

There must (?) be someone only going to the church service who she can ask?

And how is the child getting back to school(?) from church??!!

AIBU to hope that the cheeky mare does 'refuse to accept your refusal' just because I would like you to have the chance to tell her to do one!

No idea how her DD is getting back to school. I hadn't even considered that.

She's probably going to announce your lift share arrangement is over.
If I was you; I'd beat her to it. I learned years ago not to get entangled in those type of reciprocal arrangements, they always end up being weighted one way.

I'd be surprised if she gave up on the lift share. It's in her interest to keep it going. In fact it's in both our interests. It's much more likely that she'll try to persuade me again and then have another strop when I say no.
I seem to be attracted to unboundried people who try and take advantage.

I was thinking that she might not do pick up for you Friday, OP, but I doubt she'll give it up.

Just out of interest-how far is the church from the school?

They can't be thinking that all parents will stay (if allowed) & then take kids on to school!

It probably three kilometres from the church to the school but it can take 30 minutes in rush hour.

I can't wait to hear what her decision is! Cheeky cow