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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say no to my neighbour and DS lift share

46 replies

TheAccidentalExhibitionist · 11/12/2013 15:34

So my neighbour and I take it in turns taking our children to school. I do the mornings and take her two children and my DS and she does afternoons and brings them all home. So far it's worked a treat.

Yesterday she asked me to drop her DD to a church service in another town next to the school before l drop off on Friday. I refused
a, because it would make my DS late for school. The road linking the two towns is terrible in the morning and her DC is due at the service at the same time my DS starts school and
b, because that wasn't part of the deal. I'm happy to take her DC to school but I thought she was cheeky to ask me to take her to another town.

She's in a right huff about it. She said she's going to have a think about it, all the other mums with two kids are dropping their children off at the service first then driving to school. As far as I can see this would make the traffic even worse for me.
I know I could do it but she has a history for this kind of thing. She persuaded my DH to drive her to the airport at 4am a few months ago. We don't live far, she should have got a taxi.
I'm also a stickler for time, I hate being late and don't see why my DS should be late. If it were the other way round, I wouldn't ask her to take my DS somewhere else.
I offered to drive her other DC and my DS to school as usual as per our arrangement and she can take her DD to the service herself. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Shente · 11/12/2013 16:52

If you wanted to be conciliatory you could offer to swap so she does drop off and you do pick up that day, but only if it suits you, after all it's not your problem!

Original poster

TheAccidentalExhibitionist · 11/12/2013 16:55

I could Shente but her going to the church first would make my DS late for school.

OP posts:

Shente · 11/12/2013 17:24

good point! She'll have to organise herself then!

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams · 11/12/2013 17:27

So this request is so she can stay in bed?!? Not even "im stuck,.I have to be at work" or some other emergebcy?

LouiseAderyn · 11/12/2013 17:28

It's one thing to be late for school because you have to take your child somewhere, but quite another to make your child late for someone else's benefit. Some people are cheeky beyond belief.

Flibbertyjibbet · 11/12/2013 17:36

She doesn't work, she has a car, and yet she thinks YOU are being out of order for not wanting to make a 3km round trip out of your way

Tell her calmly that she takes one child to the church, you will take your other child to school on time, as your agreement was to share school runs.

Gah I hate arrangements like this, there is always one party that wants more and more, so in the end everyone is worse off.

diddl · 11/12/2013 18:12

So she has two children at the same school-one needing to be there at the same time as the other needs to be at church?

She can't be the only one in that position & the school can't expect siblings to be at different places at the same time iyswim.

There must be some provision/leeway, surely?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 11/12/2013 18:15

What a cheeky woman!

AnnieJanuary · 11/12/2013 18:15

Never get into lift arrangements with anyone else - they always end up taking that inch you gave them and expecting a mile.

Original poster

TheAccidentalExhibitionist · 11/12/2013 18:38

One of her DD is at the kindergarten and the other is in juniors. I don't think one school communicates with the other.
I just had a thought, I could probably take her DD to church after dropping off at school, but then she'd be really late for the service.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheAccidentalExhibitionist · 11/12/2013 18:59

I don't know, I think lift sharing should be encouraged. It saves us a lot of money in fuel and as the school car park is overcrowded we are one less car trying to park. I wish more people would do it, but I see your point Annie it can make things more complicated. We are like chalk and cheese with our neighbours. They listen to opera in their car whereas I'm giving their little ones a musical education in rock and indie

OP posts:

diddl · 11/12/2013 19:04

What time does the service start?

Could you take your son a little early (if you are going to help)?

How old is the daughter?

Could she be dropped off somewhere to walk?

HappyCliffmas · 11/12/2013 19:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FryOneFatChristmasGoose · 11/12/2013 19:11

I don't see why the OP should have to try and work out how she could do this to benefit a neighbour who just doesn't seem to want to get out of bed.

OP's original idea of taking the other DC as normal while neighbour takes her DD to the service is a good one.

Original poster

TheAccidentalExhibitionist · 11/12/2013 19:12

Everything starts at 8.15. Her little ones are 4 and 6. I think she'll just have to get out of bed and do the drive herself. I don't think she's thought it through. Let's see if she refuses to do the pick up!

OP posts:

diddl · 11/12/2013 19:20

Doesn't sound doable, does it?

OddFodd · 11/12/2013 19:21

The difference between normal people and pushy entitled buggers are that normal people would just say 'it's just Persephone on Friday. Xanthe has to attend a church service that morning. Back to usual arrangement on Monday'

Wishihadabs · 11/12/2013 19:26

What madness is this we have a school run and it is just that. To school and back. If dd has tennis or Ds has footie or there's ballet or cross country all bets are off. Ffs.

Original poster

TheAccidentalExhibitionist · 12/12/2013 08:08

She just text to say someone else was taking her DD to the service!

OP posts:

shewhowines · 12/12/2013 08:16

I can't get over the fact that she could even have the cheek to ask you.

diddl · 12/12/2013 08:25

Well that's sorted then!

So it's drop off for you & pick up for her as usual?

I don't think that it was that cheeky to ask-although it should be done in a polite "is it possible?" way.

But certainly wrong to strop when the answer is no-especially if you have the means to sort it out yourself!

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