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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if anyone else would like to put the boot in?

37 replies

ballinacup · 11/12/2013 13:02

I posted a few days ago about how badly I'm coping with my second pregnancy.

I returned to work today following a few days of annual leave to find a meeting with the Partners of the firm I work at in my diary.

They came into my office and informed me that allegations have been made against me that could amount to harassment and misuse of company time and that I've been suspended with immediate effect pending an investigation. I have a meeting with HR next Tuesday and a decision on whether or not I will be sacked will be made before the end of next week.

They won't tell me "at the moment" who has made the allegations, or what they have said. I don't get on with my supervisor, largely because she is terrible at her job, however the Partners adore her, and people have been sacked before following disagreements with her. If I get sacked my career will be in tatters and I don't know how I'll get another job.

I do NOT cope well as a SAHM. I need time to myself to do something that challenges me. I seriously don't know what I'm going to do.

OP posts:

MaidOfStars · 11/12/2013 13:03

I can't see for one minute how they cannot tell you what the issue is. You surely have the right to be informed, because you presumably have the right to defend yourself and seek representation (union, solicitor)?

I would DEMAND to be told as you are preparing to seek legal advice.

ohfourfoxache · 11/12/2013 13:03

No advice I'm afraid but I didn't want to read and run. Sounds utterly awful

Are you in a union?

Preciousbane · 11/12/2013 13:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beastofburden · 11/12/2013 13:06

Be careful about posting on MN during work time, they will be monitoring your computer. Though not from home, clearly, if you are suspended.

Get a lawyer, either your own or through your union, and send them a legal letter saying that in order to prepare for the meeting you need details of the allegations.

WooWooOwl · 11/12/2013 13:06

An investigation shouldn't come up with anything if you haven't done anything wrong, so you shouldn't need to panic about what to do next just yet.

turtleytwostep · 11/12/2013 13:06

A huge amount of pregnant women face discrimination and dismissal. Please contact the CAB immediately or a solicitor. If this is a ruse to get rid of you because you are pregnant, don't let them get away with it!

HerrenaHarridan · 11/12/2013 13:07

They have to tell you!

Do not go alone. Call cab and see if they can refer you to an advocacy group

Barstards!

AngelaDaviesHair · 11/12/2013 13:08

They need to tell you the case against you at the earliest opportunity.

Get in touch. Ask what is the meeting on Tues for and who will be there. Ask whether you will be informed of the allegation, including its source, before the meeting and if so, by when. It may be that they want to tell you the allegation at the meeting on Tuesday, which is possibly permissible, but you do not want to be bounced into giving any reaction or defence there and then.

Now join a union or take advice wherever you can preferably from an employment solicitor.

jacks365 · 11/12/2013 13:10

Speak to acas and if possible an employment solicitor for advice as to the exact legal process, what information they need to give you, time frames etc. Good luck

Original poster

ballinacup · 11/12/2013 13:13

I've been diagnosed with antenatal depression, I want to fight them but I just don't have the fight left in me. I can't cope with this on top of everything else.

OP posts:

Mediumred · 11/12/2013 13:20

Sometimes your home contents insurance will cover legal advice I think. It is so unfair you are being put through this on top of everything else but you must fight for yourself and your children. Work can't be allowed to proceed like this. We are here to help you. Do you have a partner or friends or family in RL who might be able to offer their support?

Original poster

ballinacup · 11/12/2013 13:26

I have a very supportive DH and DM. I just don't know what to do. Another colleague suggested weeks ago that I log the issues I have with my supervisor's incompetence, but I didn't because the last person to question her ability to do her job was sacked. I'm kicking myself now, I should have been proactive.

OP posts:

stowsettler · 11/12/2013 13:28

If they refuse to tell you before the meeting what the allegations are, all you need to do at the meeting is say, "I am unable to comment on these allegations until I have had time to consider them. Therefore we need to postpone this meeting for x days".

Then get Acas or an employment lawyer on your side. I totally understand that you don't feel you have the strength to do it. But with someone fighting your corner, it will be easier. It's totally inappropriate to expect you to respond on the day, and you shouldn't do so.

Good luck.

AngelaDaviesHair · 11/12/2013 13:29

Don't commit yourself to a long fight, just take each stage as it comes, and given your pregnancy, give yourself permission to bail out at any time if that is what is right for you. All that said, a well-thought out tactical response now could do a lot for you. If they got worried you were clued up and well-advised, they might change their stance.

My heart goes out to you, someone close to me is being shafted by a new horrible boss at the mo, it makes me murderous on my relative's behalf.

custardo · 11/12/2013 13:29

ACAS
keep a diary - even if it is only e-mails sent to yourself of incidents ( horse bolted at this point I fear though)

Beastofburden · 11/12/2013 13:30

Ball, if you have a diagnosis of depression then you would be entitled to postpone this hearing until you are well enough, and go on sick leave instead. Get some advice pronto.

stowsettler · 11/12/2013 13:31

In the meantime take your colleague's advice and try to note occasions of incompetence. Including ones in the past - provided you can remember the specifics.

poorbuthappy · 11/12/2013 13:32

Repost in Employment and shout for Flowery - she will be able to help.

stowsettler · 11/12/2013 13:33

I would be wary of going on sick leave. Being sick doesn't automatically makte the problem disappear until you return - if they follow proper procedure they can still progress it.

Original poster

ballinacup · 11/12/2013 14:02

I'm so angry with myself for getting into this situation. I don't see what she can possibly have accused me of, other than refusing to take on her work when already overstretched with my own.

OP posts:

Rumplestiltskinismyname · 11/12/2013 14:06

Ballinacup- request the reason for the meeting in writing, so that you have the allegation in writing.

TheHeadlessLadyofCannock · 11/12/2013 14:07

'I don't see what she can possibly have accused me of'.

Then you're in a very strong position. They can't do anything if they can't find that you've done anything wrong.

I can only echo what all the helpful people here have said already: get as much support as you can from ACAS, legal insurance, everywhere. It WILL be easier than it might feel at the moment once you've got professionals who know their stuff about this area on board. You don't have to do anything alone.

Good luck!

Finola1step · 11/12/2013 14:29

Right. Are you at home? If so, email the most senior person and HR involved in the situation. Something like this:

Dear So and So,

I am writing to you following our discussion on ??? which took place in my office with ?? and ?? also present.

I formally request written notification of the meeting arranged with HR scheduled for Tuesday 17th December. Please confirm the timing and location for this meeting. Please also confirm who will be in attendance at this meeting, the agenda, who will be taking minutes and the likely duration of the meeting.

I would like to inform you at this point of my intention to be accompanied by legal representation. In the interest of a speedy conclusion to any matters which need to be discussed, I would appreciate knowing in good time before the meeting what the issues are. This is in order for me to adequately discuss with my advisor in an attempt to avoid any lengthy delays to the process.

Regards etc

ballinacup

I don't know anything about your situation but I do know what it is like to be the subject of vexatious complaints made by a colleague. It's awful. But take it step by step. Get advice and support from ACAS or your union if you are in one.

What I learnt from the situation is to keep a paper trail. Emails are good because you can clearly follow the sequence of emails and responses. Keep it all absolutely factual, no emotion. But do discuss with ACAS your medical diagnosis. Do not go into this meeting alone. This is what they want. Going alone will make you very vulnerable

I wish you all the best. Feel free to PM me.

kilmuir · 11/12/2013 14:33

great post from Finola

Original poster

ballinacup · 11/12/2013 14:40

Thank you for your support. They've informed me that I've been accused of disruptive behavior that could be construed as harassment. They are "pulling something together" that they will send me tomorrow or Friday.

I'm so angry. It just feels like they're gathering whatever evidence they can against me, not investigating any truth behind the allegations. I'm worried as well that they have stated "numerous complaints". Why is this the first I'm hearing of it?

OP posts:

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