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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I can't bring myself to like her

46 replies

AuntieBrenda · 10/12/2013 20:27

I have been giving a younger woman a lift into work every morning since June. She's 12 years younger than me at 20, and I'd say quite immature for her age. I have a DS who I pick up so I don't give her a lift home.
I find her so hard work, I am civil but I think she's rude, really full of herself and had this weird air of entitlement about her - I can't quite put my finger on it.
She has pissed off several people at work with this attitude also.
Since Sept, I think she's taken the piss a bit - she's texted me 5 mins before I'm due to collect her to say she doesn't need a lift, not bothered to text me at all to say I'm not needed when she's been off sick and one day text me just before I was due to pick her up to say she's gone into work early - how?!
I'm finding the whole thing quite stressful and my colleague suggested giving her notice to terminating my lifts. Would this B U?
I just can't bring myself to like her - this doesn't make me want to stop, it's the attitude and the messing me about really. WIBU to say I can't take her anymore from a certain point?

OP posts:

Winterclause · 10/12/2013 20:30

Wow. Not u at all. I wouldn't take her for even one more day!

DeckSwabber · 10/12/2013 20:30

So how did this arrangement start in the first place?

BigFatGoalie · 10/12/2013 20:31

I thought you were going to say she pissed in your car!
If you've had enough, just say it isn't working out for you and give her two awkward car trips weeks notice.

Writerwannabe83 · 10/12/2013 20:33

Does she give you petrol money??

Do you have to work in close proximity with her? If not, just tell her how it is!! However, if you do have to work closely with her then a more tactful approach may be needed....

sandfrog · 10/12/2013 20:36

The attitude may be a cover up for insecurity. She might be quite shy underneath. Why not set out what you expect and say that's what you need for the arrangement to work out?

saulaboutme · 10/12/2013 20:37

yanbu, just tell her you won't be picking her up anymore.

Why are you concerned about a person like this?

saulaboutme · 10/12/2013 20:38

yanbu, just tell her you won't be picking her up anymore.

Why are you concerned about a person like this?

BohemianGirl · 10/12/2013 20:39

Nope. I got caught like this. Offered a lift once and got dragged into every morning.

Don't engage and dont pick her up . Leave 2 or 3 minutes earlier and you'll miss her.

Oh I never got any petrol money either

Moxiegirl · 10/12/2013 20:41

I can see why it may be awkward but you can say you are not able to offer her a lift anymore. I would be tempted to make up an excuse though!

Original poster

AuntieBrenda · 10/12/2013 20:47

Not an offer of a bean! She did buy me a toiletries set at the end of term in July and a little bit of duplo for DS.
We work in a school. She randomly turned up at my classroom door one day with a colleague who introduced her and said 'x lives near you, you could give her a lift in in the mornings!' No bother at all at first but sheesh she grates on me now!
I told her from the off that I couldn't take her home as I picked up DS, went food shopping etc but for her first week she appeared at the end if every day asking how I was fixed tonight!
She honestly thinks she is the most qualified, wonderful person to ever work with young people. She's winding people up! A colleague announced she was leaving to go travelling, person x had been employed for about 6 weeks at this point and announced 'oh god, travelling is such a cliche!' Jaws were in the floor.
Consensus reached, she's getting notice for after Xmas hols

OP posts:

mrsjay · 10/12/2013 20:50

tell her your arangements have changed after Christmas and there is no way you can pick her up sorry and all that, she sounds a pain in the arse, if she was my 20yr old i would be mortified if she treated somebody like that

sandfrog · 10/12/2013 20:54

She honestly thinks she is the most qualified, wonderful person to ever work with young people. She's winding people up!

A lot of young people don't realise they're coming across this way though. She's probably read magazines which advise you to put across your confidence etc. and is over-compensating. In another few years she'll probably be quite different. A kind chat from someone would work best to solve this, I think. I bet she'd be mortified if she realised she was offending people at work

Original poster

AuntieBrenda · 10/12/2013 20:59

Sandfrog - agreed! Her line manager has already. I think she will grow up a bit eventually and her actual experience will then match her perceived experience!

I have tried hard as I don't like feeling like this - she's just so weirdly 'entitled'

OP posts:

DontmindifIdo · 10/12/2013 21:02

oh what a shame your plans have changed in the new year and you're not going to be able to give her a lift in anymore, still, at least she's got the holidays to sort something out...

sandfrog · 10/12/2013 21:03

She's bound to see the empty space in the car though, isn't she...?

BitOfFunWithSanta · 10/12/2013 21:06

"This lift thing isn't working for me, so I'd like you to make other arrangements for next term, please."

bigbrick · 10/12/2013 21:08

Just say tomorros it's not possible to give her a lift. If she asks why you say your plans have changed. Simple & sorted out

DontmindifIdo · 10/12/2013 21:08

oh no, it's not that the OP doesn't have space in her car by the time she arrives, it's that she has to do something else on the way to work - drop the DS off somewhere out of the way? Run her DP to the train station? something that means she's not going to be able to pick up "the hard work girl" on the way easily, because the OP is no longer leaving her house in an empty car, driving straight to work (with slight detour to hard work girl's house), she's got a car full and/or is going elsewhere on the way...

Original poster

AuntieBrenda · 10/12/2013 21:09

I think what I'll say is that I have to do drop off of DS in the mornings. I just feel really bad though, like its bad karma (I'm not usually woo at all- I'm cringing writing that!)

OP posts:

Musicaltheatremum · 10/12/2013 21:10

In the new year you're going to go to the gym before work every morning so you can't give her a lift. :-)

bigbrick · 10/12/2013 21:18

I wouldn't give any reason - that things have changed & you can't give a lift - but perhaps the colleague that suggested the lift in the first place could help....

DontmindifIdo · 10/12/2013 21:19

Then be vage, "sorry [hard work girl], but for dull reasons I won't bore you with, our morning routines have to change at our house, which means I'm not going to be coming straight to work anymore, so I can't give you a lift from the New Year. Hope you can sort something else out." (big smile, walk away, ideally prime someone else to call you over to talk...)

Shallistopnow · 10/12/2013 21:20

Is she a qualified teacher?

hollyisalovelyname · 10/12/2013 21:23

Don't give any reason. The less said the better.
Just say unfortunately you can't give her a lift anymore. If she asks why just say 'It's personal' - no lie - it is!!!!
She just won't think it's personal about her.

Canthaveitall · 10/12/2013 21:24

Just tell her you want to terminate the arrangement from after Christmas. If she asks why just say you find it too much hassle to be at a certain time in the morning and she has messed you about on XYZ occasions. Don't lie or sugar coat it. Be honest and upfront. I don't think these set ups work unless reciprocated. It just creates bitterness.

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