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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - DPs Annual Ball.

77 replies

ImAnElfJeSuisUneElf · 10/12/2013 19:35

Short and snappy, tries and quite lighthearted. Grin

DPs annual ball is free for him to attend (the company pays)

If I go with him, it costs £25 for my seat/dinner.

The arranged rate with the hotel is £100 - so £50 each.

DP is insisting I pay for my meal, and my half of the hotel as he doesn't want to go alone.

I personally, am not all that fussed, but having been told that, not only do I have to pay to hold his hand, I'm paying MORE than him, to attend HIS do, I've decide that I won't bother.

I offered to go halves on my meal so it was an equal split, he wasn't interested.

He things I'm being a cow now, I think I'm being entirely reasonable. GrinGrin

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
ImAnElfJeSuisUneElf · 10/12/2013 20:00

Aw, don't call him names, he's lovely usually. GrinGrinGrin

OP posts:
DejaVuAllOverAgain · 10/12/2013 20:03

He wants you there, you're not that bothered about going. He pays.

seafoodudon · 10/12/2013 20:06

Bohemian - I don't think this has anything to do with feminism at all. Surely basic rule of polite society - you invite someone to something, you pay for them (ok with plenty of obvious exceptions where you know the other person will be having just as much fun as you). But if I was asking a friend to accompany me to something like this, where it was really for my benefit, I'd be buying the ticket for them.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 10/12/2013 20:06

He wants you at works do, he should pay the entire cost.
That is real cheapskate behaviour, and sends up a big red flag.

OddFodd · 10/12/2013 20:07

Yuck! Why would you pay to go to his company party? If he wants you to go, he forks out.

I'm sure you can think of better ways to spend £75 than to spend the evening with his colleagues and the night in a second rate hotel

LittlePeaPod · 10/12/2013 20:08

YANBU. You can treat yourself to something really nice with £75. And it would be something for you.... Grin

OddFodd · 10/12/2013 20:08

Bohemian - I don't think you really understand feminism

shushpenfold · 10/12/2013 20:10

Arse - him not you. My DH thinks so too. Twonk (your dp, not my dh!)

FraidyCat · 10/12/2013 20:11

If you usually go 50:50 on nights out, then that rule should apply to the total cost.

phantomnamechanger · 10/12/2013 20:12

you should be charging him for being his escort! seriously, unless you're now gonna tell us you earn 20x what he does, then YANBU, he is being very ungenerous and it comes across as uncaring TBH.

FunnyFestiveTableRunner · 10/12/2013 20:14

Bohemian it's nothing to do with gender - it's the fact that the OP is being dragged along by OH to something she doesn't want to attend. She's going as a favour. She's even willing to pay her share but he wants her to subsidise his bit!

OP he's a plonker on this matter (even if he's usually quite nice).

MrsOakenshield · 10/12/2013 20:15

errr - he wants you there, he pays for it all!

I know you said don't call him names, but that's very twattish of him!

flyingspaghettimonster · 10/12/2013 20:16

Is there more to this - like you are a jet setting C.O and he is a dustbin man who won your heart when he complimented you on your recycling... Now he is saving every penny for an engagement ring and can't afford to pay for your share of his refuse collectors' ball?

Because unless there is a seriously good reason why he would consider being so rude as to demand you pay half hotel bill etc, I would worry about the future. When my husband was dating me at 17 he would have used all his allowance to pay for meals and gifts and flowers (I used all mine on us too). Now 14 years on and if I suggest a slightly fancier restaurant than Macdonalds or even glance at the dessert menu his eyebrows start to join in the middle. And he was generous back then...

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 10/12/2013 20:16

Why does he need you to hold his hand ?

Why would you even consider going along and getting bored off your tits by all the "in" banter from his work colleagues ?

The money is the least of it.

Original poster
ImAnElfJeSuisUneElf · 10/12/2013 20:18

Not a CEO, or dustbin man. GrinGrinGrinGrinGrin

He earns a bit more than me but not loads.

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 10/12/2013 20:19

Why on earth would he even think of asking you to pay for the privilege of going to an event you don't want to go to?!

Is he hard-of-thinking?

Salmotrutta · 10/12/2013 20:21

And why do you keep putting grins in your posts?

I think you are really very hurt Sad

Ponyphysio · 10/12/2013 20:23

Bloody hell OP - you're going out with my ex-husband!! Lol, that's why he's ex ??

Original poster
ImAnElfJeSuisUneElf · 10/12/2013 20:23

I'm actually not, because it's really not that big a deal, it's made me laugh a little.

He's not usually tight with money ,it's not a red flag, it's just one thing, that I really don't understand his thinking over. Smile

OP posts:
AnAdventureInCakeAndWine · 10/12/2013 20:23

BohemianGirl, it's nothing to do with feminism. She doesn't really want to go; he wants her to go. If she doesn't go he'll be paying £100 for the hotel anyway and he'll be paying nothing. If she does go (which, remember, she doesn't particularly want to do) the total cost goes up to £125 and he reckons that his contribution should go down to £50 while she pays £75.

There's are perfectly valid arguments that (a) as he'd have to pay the £100 anyway it's a bit opportunistic to stiff the OP for half of it just because she agrees to do him a favour by attending an event she doesn't want to go to, and (b) it's cheeky to make her pay for a ticket to an event she doesn't want to attend. These apply whichever of them has testicles.

OP's offer to fork out £62.50 as half of the total cost seems more than reasonable. His total cost would go down by £37.50 and he'd get the company that he wants, while her total cost would go up by £62.50 and she'd get to spend an evening doing something she doesn't want to do. It's not the same as splitting the bill for a mutually enjoyable evening that both have input into.

BakerStreetSaxRift · 10/12/2013 20:24

It sounds like the only reason he is desperate for you to go is so he can avoid having to fork out £100 on a room. You go, he pays half what he would otherwise have to, and gets sex.

YABNU.

VworpVworp · 10/12/2013 20:28

Nothing to do with being female- if he wants you tto attend he should pay all costs!
(and I'd say vice versa for you, too)

shushpenfold · 10/12/2013 20:30

..and again….he's being an arse.

P.S. Shag all to do with feminism; entirely to do with being a tw*t

shushpenfold · 10/12/2013 20:31

….sorry - have to call him names!

wonderstuff · 10/12/2013 20:36

YANBU at all.