To be furious!!!

[MamaPingu]

I was in the bath with DS who is 13 weeks old. Me and DP bath with him sometimes then the other lifts him out dries him and gets him warm.

So tonight I get in the bath with DS and DP goes and watches tv for 5 minutes after refusing to do the pots, brilliant start.

Me and DS are having a lovely time he's kicking like mad and smiling. After a good 10 minutes I started shouting DP thinking he'd forgot. So I kept shouting over and over and banging on the glass wondering where he was.
So I filled the bath with more warm water as he was getting cold. Another 10 minutes passed and DS was getting cold again and was fed up. So I shouted and shouted and no reply. I had to get on my knees in the bath and get out with him as careful as I could which is dangerous in my opinion it's easy to slip in a bath.

I wrapped him up as quick as I could and walked into the living room pissed off. He wasn't there, I went up the stairs and he was fast asleep on the bed!!!!

I am absolutely furious I shouted for him to get up and told him how we'd been waiting ages and could have slipped getting out of the bath.
He said "I told you I was tired " in a whingy tone

What a moron!!!! I am fuming

[Tapiocapearl]

The bath thing wouldn't bother me. I bathed all my kids alone with both if us in the bath. However the mummy's boy stuff would drive me insane

[TrippleBerryFairy]

I reckon it is the resentment re other let downs is affecting this particular situation. I think THAT is the problem cause if all was ok you would just roll your eyes and let him off... Can you talk to him about his other behaviour that pisses you off?

[differentnameforthis]

If you can't safely get out of the bath with your baby, perhaps you need to rethink bathing with him.

I dare say he doesn't know the meaning of tired That is such an insulting ting to say. He must be tired of he fell asleep in such a short period of time.

Being a parent isn't a competition where you play who is more tired. And if you are saying that you are very tired too, the last thing you should be doing is bathing with your baby.

[HectorVector]

Right you both sound stressed and tired, you have a 13 week old so no suprise there.

You need a bath mat, so you're less likely to slip. Always have a towel where it is reachable from the bath. When the bath is over you drain all the water and lay baby on the bath mat as you stand up. Place the towel over baby to keep baby warm. You get out of bath and grab a towel for yourself. Then you pick the baby up.

You both need to calm down, getting in a state and being rude to each other over something like this is not good for your marriage.

[diddl]

Ooh remembering back to those times.

You're just so tired that you can't think!

And something simple just becomes impossible.

He needs to get his arse into gear though!

[FoxyRoxy]

Have people missed the post where the op said her 'd'p stays at his mums most of the week? She's looking after the baby on her own on those nights so I think she probably is more tired.

Op yabu to expect your child's father and your partner to pull his weight and not be a bellend.

[jammiedonut]

Hector that's how I do it, I don't ever try to get out whilst still carrying baby! Op, I know the thread has moved on from the bath. I can see why you were upset. I have a friend in the same position. In my mind you've got three options. 1) Leave, and do it on your own 2) Have a good talk and try to hash out a solution whereby he agrees that he needs to do more and pull his weight 3) Accept that you can cope and never NEED or expect his contribution. My friend astonishingly chose option 3 and has never been happier, but she had to teach herself to let go of the resentment. She realised that the PA and bitterness was only damaging her, and having no effect on him, so there was no point in it anymore. Her dh in turn realised she no longer needed him and has bucked up his ideas now he knows she'll only stay because she WANTS to, not because she NEEDS to. There was obviously a lot of love in that relationship and she desperately didn't want to leave him, so tried everything!
I'm not sure I've explained it too well but hth.

[Norudeshitrequired]

Why is he staying at his mums most of the week? Is it anything to do with maximising benefits? Location for work? They don't get on?
If they have a baby together and are still a couple then they should do their upmost to live together and pull their weight equally, rather than bicker about being left in a bath with a baby.

[Norudeshitrequired]

Okay I have read back and realise that he stays at his mums due to location of work. He only works 30 hours according to the OP, but if his work is so far that he has to stay at his mums then he must be travelling fairly long distances too which is also quite tiring (especially as he has no car so has to use public transport).
I think too many women get into this resentment that the man doesn't deserve to be tired as he only goes to work whilst I am here looking after this demanding baby all day everyday. They don't take into account that it's perfectly possible for them to catch up on sleep in the daytime whilst baby sleeps whereas the working person doesn't have that option.

[TantrumsStoleSantasBalloons]

The thing, everyone who keeps saying "why do you need help with the bath, it's not about the bath.

If someone agrees to do something, then they go upstairs and fall asleep, it's going to piss you off isn't it?

It's not about whether you can do it yourself, it's the fact that he said he would come and take the baby. He didnt come back a minute later and say actually I'm too tired I'm going for a lie down, he just went.

People are supposed to do what they say they are going to do, not just change their minds and not tell anyone. It's rude and disrespectful IMO

[Jengnr]

People are being really unkind about the bath thing I think.

The baby is 13 weeks old. She's still in the situation where she's terrified she's going to break him and they've got themselves into a routine of doing things this way whilst she builds up her confidence.

Give her a bloody break.

[Norudeshitrequired]

If someone agrees to do something, then they go upstairs and fall asleep, it's going to piss you off isn't it?

Or you are a rational understanding person who thinks they must have been exhausted to fall asleep that quickly.

[TantrumsStoleSantasBalloons]

Then if you are that tired you say "listen I'm going to sleep for a bit. Can you deal with the bath"

That's rational. Saying yes, and then going upstairs to bed is not.

The OP said he went upstairs to go to sleep. There was no other reason. He didnt fall asleep in the chair or standing up.

He thought, actually im tired, I need a lie down. Which of course is absolutely fine. It's not fine to leave someone waiting for you while you do it.

[ShinyBauble]

He sounds like a waste of space. If he contributes so little why are you putting up with him? Have a look at your situation dispassionately and consider whether he is worth continuing with.

[Norudeshitrequired]

Tantrum - have you never intended to do something and then fallen asleep? My impression is that the OPs partner was on the bed waiting to get baby out of the bath and fell asleep (which is what I would be doing, rather than running up and down the stairs). There isn't anything sinister or premeditated in somebody falling asleep, I can fall asleep within 2 minutes if I am very tired.

[MrsGarlic]

"They don't take into account that it's perfectly possible for them to catch up on sleep in the daytime whilst baby sleeps whereas the working person doesn't have that option."

Hahahahahahahahaha. Hahaha. Yeah it's possible now he's 11mo and will sleep by himself. It wasn't really possible at 13 weeks when he'd only sleep in a moving buggy or upright on me. Depends on the baby and the job... my husband thinks I have the harder job at home with a Velcro baby than he does in a cushy desk job, not to mention the frequent night wakings too which he sleeps right through (not his fault, I am BFing).

[peppinagiro]

Same here MrsGarlic. Sleep when the baby sleeps? Hahahaaaa! Next person who suggests that is getting a slap. My baby will also only sleep on me, in a sling, moving. My husband definitely feels like he gets a break by going to work. He had a week off with us and was exhausted by the end of it.

[Norudeshitrequired]

Do your babies not sleep at all at night or duringthe day unless they are on you and you are awake? If that's the case then how do you get any sleep or do you spend the first six months of baby's life awake literally 24-7?

[foreverondiet]

Why did you need him to help you get out the bath? You just hold your baby and get out? Or am I missing something?

[maddy68]

Leave the bloody pots until tomorrow, you both sound stressed and knackered. Put it into perspective. How important will those pits be in 5 years time from now.
Both of you need some sleep

[flyingspaghettimonster]

I always bathed with my babies as my arthritis made holding them an emptying baby tubs etc too hard. I would sit sideways in the tub letting them lie in the nestlike pool between my legs. I could breast feed from there and we would stay in for an hour often while I read and they fed or slept, warm water topped up as needed. Then I had a towel laid on a changing may on the floor and would lift baby over the side on to the towel, wrap it around them and let them dry like that while I washed and dried myself. My husband wasn't needed.

Sorry yours was being a muppet, though. Next time prepare before you go in so you can manage on your own. I loved my relaxing reading baths with babies :)

[Twattyzombiebollocks]

Jeez yanbu, he was being a selfish arse and I would have been fuming too. As someone said, if he fell asleep on the sofa that's one thing, but he actually came upstairs to bed and conveniently forgot that he needed to help you get out of the bath. No he didn't, he came upstairs knowing you were in the bath and decided you could get out on your own and went to sleep. Tbh he sounds like a lazy selfish immature cocklodger.

[MrsGarlic]

norudeshitrequired at night he would sleep on my chest, I would sleep too because needs must, but it was hardly comfortable, plus I still had to sit up and feed him during the night (hadn't mastered feeding lying down at that stage). During the day, no, I didn't sleep. I didn't find it TOO bad other than the nights where he decided to wake every hour and I felt a bit zombie-like. I am truly amazed at how little sleep I managed to live off and still be active TBH. He is 11 months old now and usually goes to bed around 8pm, I feed him at 11pm (when I go to bed) and 5am then a breakfast feed at 8am. It is heavenly, although I appreciate other women might find it hard. We are all different.