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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there should not be screws, nuts bolts and staples in my sisters ashes

34 replies

Juneywoony · 10/12/2013 13:19

Oh and bone pieces the size of my finger nail? I've never seen ashes before, is this the norm? Or am I right to be fuming!

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 10/12/2013 13:20

I imagine the bone fragments are normal (I think they are sieved a bit). The bolts etc could be surgical in nature.
Condolences.

SnakeyMcBadass · 10/12/2013 13:22

That does sound strange. Ashes are generally sieved, so pieces of metal etc should have been wheedled out. I'm sorry for your loss.

Yellowcake · 10/12/2013 13:23

I'm sorry for your loss, Juney. Bone fragments are normal in my experience of cremation. They do crush and sieve, I believe, so I would have thought that surgical pins or the like would be removed.

Original poster
Juneywoony · 10/12/2013 13:24

They must be from the coffin as she didn't have metal in her body.

OP posts:
dexter73 · 10/12/2013 13:24

I just googled and found this:

After cremation, the bone fragments are allowed to cool for a period (usually 30 minutes to an hour) before being swept out of the retort and passed through a magnetic field to extract any lingering pieces of metal that remain such as tooth fillings or surgical implants or casket parts. Pacemakers must be removed prior to cremation because they can be explosive. The fragments are then processed either by hand or thorough the use of a special machine that crushes them, reducing them to dense sand like ashes.

It sounds like this part of the process didn't take place for your sisters ashes.

samithesausage · 10/12/2013 13:28

An undertaker (who did my mums funeral) said to me that they normally sieve and crush and remove metal pieces from the ashes. The screws and staples probably came from the coffin. (Staple the lining in, screw the coffin together).
You could give the undertaker a ring and ask him to take the screws/metal out for you.
Sorry for your loss.

Original poster
Juneywoony · 10/12/2013 13:32

Me and my mum sieved them, she is going to ring and complain I can't bring myself to as I'm too angry and upset.

OP posts:
SinisterSal · 10/12/2013 13:35

I am sorry.

It's very upsetting

reelingaroundthechristmastree · 10/12/2013 13:40

How awful, but how did you notice, I didn't look inside my Mum's box and it was sealed anyway.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 10/12/2013 13:52

Maybe to scatter them?

reelingaroundthechristmastree · 10/12/2013 14:03

Oh yes, ok, you would need to then.

samithesausage · 10/12/2013 14:06

I can understand you being angry. I don't really know what to say. You're right it is bad, they should of sieved them at the crematorium.
Hopefully they'll take note of your phonecall and no other family will have to go through what you're going through. X

StickyProblem · 10/12/2013 14:07

Sorry for your loss Juney.

FeisMom · 10/12/2013 14:07

Juney that is awful, how distressing for you at an already difficult time

Original poster
Juneywoony · 10/12/2013 14:07

To take some out to make into jewelry, my mum, my daughter, her best friend and myself are having cristal pendants out of them. Then using the rest to plant a tree with.

OP posts:
SnakeyMcBadass · 10/12/2013 14:08

So sorry, Juney.

jeanmiguelfangio · 10/12/2013 14:42

So sorry for your loss, definitely complain though, it just adds to the grief

Kundry · 10/12/2013 15:52

The bone is normal as after cremation you aren't actually reduced to ashes, the bones are still in big bone shaped bits.

As people have said above they are then crushed to make ashes.

It sounds as if they haven't removed the screws etc that were part of the coffin (unless your sister had had orthopaedic surgery leaving metalwork inside her?) which they should have done.

This would be the job of the crematorium rather than your undertaker - however if you call your undertaker they should be able to take the complaint forward for you.

soverylucky · 10/12/2013 16:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ihatepeas · 10/12/2013 16:59

This does not sound right at all. I'm so sorry for your loss.

GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 10/12/2013 17:10

So sorry for your loss and that it sounds like your sister's ashes were not handled correctly at all.

WilsonFrickett · 10/12/2013 17:14

That sounds very upsetting and I'm sorry for your loss. I would get your mum to phone the undertaker rather than the crematorium, they will deal with this for you rather than you guys having to deal with more upset.

Original poster
Juneywoony · 10/12/2013 18:43

Yes she said it would be the undertakers she would ring. Makes no difference to us now the upset has been caused, but as someone said above hopefully they will take note and not put another family through this. Thanks for your kind words, x

OP posts:
thebody · 10/12/2013 18:45

oh dear so very very sorry op. xx

Bettercallsaul1 · 10/12/2013 18:56

That is very poor service - part of the cremation process has not been carried out. There should be a check on the quality of the ashes before they are handed over to relatives. Considering how sensitive this, this is a real failure by those responsible for the cremation.

I am sorry you have had this to deal with on top of your very sad loss, OP - I hope it is put right as swiftly as possible.

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