To ask for help with my midlife crisis?

[bordellosboheme]

I am 36 and have one gorgeous ds who is 2, a part time job (in education) which is quite good and live with dp who is 47. I would like one or two more dc. However my post is about an emerging mud life crisis feeling which is hard to put into words. Has anyone female experienced a mix life crisi and how did you manage it without hurting anyone? This sounds like a joke, but it's not!

Oh gosh autocorrect gone mad. Hope you can understand me!

How does it make you feel?

I think I have had an am still going through something akin to a mid life crisis. An older friend said 'get used to it - it goes on for a while'.

I'm a bit bored, a bit sad and a bit wondering if the best years are over….

Definitely bored, feel like wandering the globe (or going off in camper) loss of sense of identity, asking myself who I am, feeling distant from friends and hard to relate to them, wondering if dp is right for me, looking longingly at young men feeling like a whole new me emerging from a chrysalis if only I could work out what that new me does, is, says, looks like!!

Yup sounds pretty similar. Wonder about work too - am I really going to do this for another 20 years plus? Not sure what the answer is - working out what we really want? Easier said than done.

Bordello, are you starting your menopause - have you had your hormone levels checked.

Maybe having counselling is what you need. Someone to help you sift through the jumble of emotions and help you find out what you want to do with the other half of your life.

I'm eagerly awaiting my menopause, as it see it as a true opportunity for growth and renewal. They don't call it the change for nothing.

Venus I hope not at 36- seems a little early! I'm still fertile as I ovulate every month and have a normal cycle

Venus I hope not at 36- seems a little early! I'm still fertile as I ovulate every month and have a normal cycle

Venus I hope not at 36- seems a little early! I'm still fertile as I ovulate every month and have a normal cycle

Standonshiftingsands (great name!) yes I also think about work am happy in the main there though would love to work abroad though I feel dp clips my wings a bit since he loves it where we are and won't move, he's not adventurous and quite happy with his lot.

Venus I do think counselling is a good idea. I just need to find the right person!

I did. I was spending all my waking hours looking at everything by Ylvis on youtube, until it passed. It is highly recommended.

I felt exactly the same within weeks of hitting 35 and had a very turbulent year or so. I was almost a bit manic - far too much retail therapy, huge crushes on totally unattainable blokes, and a sudden urge to write and paint again which I hadn't had for years.

It caused a lot of tension in my marriage (which is not exactly love's young dream anyway) and I seriously considered leaving DH as I also felt the 'clipped wings' thing you describe (my DH is also in his forties and a bit set in his ways).

Am 38 now and still don't entirely feel 'right'. I suppose that year highlighted for me the things that need changing in my life, but as a working mum with a primary aged child I don't have the time, money, opportunity or courage to make those changes yet. The 'hyper' feeling has worn off leaving me in limbo I suppose until I can start to become the person I want to be and live the life I'd like to.

Do you have actual plans for more children? If so, why don't you go for it? Then you can have your midlife crisis a bit later!

I thoroughly enjoyed my midlife crisis.

Got some tattoos. Left my abusive ex. Had a lot of sex.

Yours sounds great cat. I did some retraining and had a baby then sod all sex.

I want another one now. Think they are quite positive in some ways.

I've just read my post back and it sounds horribly negative.

There are some upsides - I've refocused on my career and am lucky to have a supportive manager so am currently doing a lot of training. I've now reached the point of being able to ask for a new job description and grade review which will hopefully be the first step towards being in the place I'd like to be job wise & financially by the time DD is settled at secondary school in 3-4 years time.

I rearranged my hours so I have a day off in the week to paint/write - in reality I don't often end up doing that but the option's there at least.

I now make the effort to get to art exhibitions several times a year, and 9yo DD is starting to show an interest and has come to a couple with me this year.

I also met a group of Mumsnetters around there time I was going through the worst of it who were a great support and are now friends in RL.

So not all bad...maybe just a work in progress !

Dumspiro

You sound very like me! That all sounds very positive! I too am feeling more positive today. Bought a book called breaking point about female midlife crisis and one of the lessons if midlife apparently is to know your limits. Quite a soothing thought, actually !

I am the same age - 36 - and I simply can't face the idea of spending another 35 years doing my job. So I'm chucking in a promising and well-paid career to give writing (academic and creative) a go. It's something I've always wanted to do, but never had ovaries of sufficient steeliness to follow- I have stagnated in a 'safe' job instead. I'm very lucky, in that I have a very small house, so can live quite frugally - not to mention a very supportive husband. It won't be easy, but at least I will feel that I am spending most of my day doing something I care about.

I also find myself reevaluating old friendships to ask whether I really have anything in common with the person any more. I increasingly shrink from people who are very money-driven and materialistic. I have recently made a lot of new friends who are very much more attuned to my way of thinking, and this is making me much happier. :)

The more I 'go with' the crisis, the more I feel like I'm in touch with a different side of myself - a more positive side.

Struggling100 you sound lovely. I'd like to be your friend too! I'm shrinking from harsh friends too, if favour of softer, gentler ones (if I can find them, pretty thin on the ground right now) .

I also have a tiny tiny house.

Ahh, thanks Op, that's what is happening to me! I didn't know until you gave it it's correct term.
I have lost a stone and a half this year, have suddenly regained a great interest in sex, crushing on young fellows, regretting never having had lesbian sex, started cycling hills and long distances and listening to lots and lots if late 80s/ early 90s indie music. I am 41 and am such a cliche. I am enjoying it though.

CuntyBunty - yours sounds a lot more fun (and hot) than mine!! Your post made me think I should return my existential-angst-laden model to the shop and get another brand of midlife crisis!

Bordello - Let's be Mumsnet pals in crisis together!! :) And hooray for little houses!

My mid life crisis prompted my to lose weight (again) do Couch to 5k to get fit, get far more experimental and enjoy my sex life more, ditch the things that bought me down and concentrate on my family and just a few good friends. I've never been happier.

How is everyone?

I had a docs appt on Friday - follow up as am currently being treated for anxiety and (to a lesser extent) depression. I also have single at the mo due to being so run down.

So I went in, sobbed all over him and he was lovely. Am going back first week in the new year for referrals to counselling and fat & fit clubs.

It appears the one thing I am managing to achieve at the moment is getting my money's worth out of the NHS !

I have shingles due to being run down - am not single unfortunately

I am 49 and I think I may be having mine! 36 seems very young for it to me, but perhaps I'm just a late developer. I need to decide what to do now - I have an overwhelming 'What is it all for?' feeling. I need to find my purpose (those of you from the musicals thread might pick up a reference there!).