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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be scared of the future? what will become of people like us?? pensions / housing related

310 replies

applejacket · 09/12/2013 11:41

dh is 42, i am 34, we don't own our house, and never likely to (bad credit in past plus not high enough income for mortgage and barely any savings for deposit etc). we rent a council house atm

dh has worked FT consistently since 15 but he has only just started paying into his company pension as they have to now. but will probably be worth fuck all when he retires

i am a SAHM with 2 dcs, 4 and 7, and one on the way , i worked from 16 - 26 full time and last couple of years have done a bit of self employed cleaning work but hardly anything really and not doing it anymore now i am pg.

dh earns ok money but not enough to either get a mortgage, or save anything. we don't struggle day to day at all really, but dont really have anything to save. and recently i have been really worried about the future

i am intending to go back to work when the dcs are older but god knows who would employ me, i have no qualifications other than some average gcse's and a levels from nearly 20 years ago. Hmm and i can't afford to re train in anything either

what will happen to us when we are older?? when we are still renting and retired? will we be homeless? tbh its the fact we are renting that scares me the most, i would feel so much more secure if we owned our house.

i honestly sometimes feel that our only hope is a lottery win or something Hmm

OP posts:
Chippingnortonset123 · 10/12/2013 16:55

Parcel, I am finding it very difficult to distinguish between the mental health problems and the practical problems. I am doing my best to help with the practical problems and I am disappointed that the ct are not helping with the practical problems. I am forcing her to sign and date letters to the dwp, in order that she does not lose her pension credit. This is very difficult because she is too confused to answer the security questions so that I can talk to them on her behalf.
I am trying to persuade her to talk to the cinnamon trust so that the dogs get walked. I am texting her daughter. I am doing all that I can.

Chippingnortonset123 · 10/12/2013 17:02

The fact that she has mental health problems does not affect the fact that she has made no provision for her old age. I am just trying to be practical and I don't see how she is going to be housed in two years, let alone the dogs. I am finding it very hard to find the optimism in this situation but if anyone has any bright ideas then please post in mental health. Thanks.

ParcelFancy · 10/12/2013 17:16

You sound like you're being an amazing friend to her, Chipping. Thanks

Unfortunately it's quite likely her inability to make realistic financial plans is related to her illness - the manic phase of bipolar is famous for this.

Which doesn't help you with the practical side. There also isn't a great deal of optimism for the sick and disabled at the moment - I'm there myself.

But it's a different problem from that facing people who are fit to work but are finding accommodation prices, wages and childcare stacked against them.

scottishmummy · 10/12/2013 17:20

Ok,there's a lot of cants In your post you need to reframe it to what you can do
Do look into accessing training that will be fulfilling and pay you wage
When time comes Can you ask local job centre about subsidised training,or get some voluntary experience

Original poster
applejacket · 10/12/2013 17:26

kitty why the bitterness? if you must know, i used to live in a mortgaged house. it belonged to my exP. i was working until i had dc1 and exP had a very well paid job, we lived in very well off area and on the outside we were the perfect successful couple. but the reason i now have a council house because a few years ago me and my (then) baby were in a bad situation which meant i needed to be urgently housed with a small baby. it was a situation i would not wish on anyone (involving DV). dc and i were put in a tiny 2 bed HA flat but i have been extremely lucky and have since done 2 house swaps and live in a decent council place now.

so don't hate people for having social housing. most people are "lucky" enough to get it because of being in horrible situations. if you want to be angry, be angry at the ones who have caused the lack of social housing, be angry at the landlords who charge silly money for private renting, be angry at the general shortage of housing, be angry at the bankers who caused the financial crisis in the first place.

also, FYI your taxes don't pay my rent, since i have been with DH (6 years) we have paid every penny of our rent, as DH works full time and has done all his working life. so we pay full rent and council tax, all we get is a small amount of tax credits which we are right on the threshold of being able to claim at all. so shoot me for claiming TC's. i did pay my taxes for ten years i am not exactly daily mail style "dole scum", i am sure i am not the only one on this thread to claim them / or have claimned them Hmm

anyway, having read all this thread, it has given me a reality check. and thank you to all the posters who have given consructive advice and not judged me. i honestly had no idea of what happened when you are older (hence why i asked Confused ). and now i know, i fully intend to, at the very least, start back working once dc3 is born and a few months old. and i may even start my own business, i have a few ideas. i am also going to talk to dh about buying our house. so thank you all again, this thread has been an eye opener. Flowers

OP posts:
ElenorRigby · 10/12/2013 18:03

apple, well done to you on taking the posts you have received with such good grace

scottishmummy · 10/12/2013 18:09

Get a plan, work out where you headed,take small steps to get there

Kitttty · 10/12/2013 18:24

OP - why do you feel the need to attempt to justify of your situation with your back story?

It isn't relevant to your initial question around your concerns of how to finance your "retirement" - maybe you have a conscience after all?

And yes I do pay for your life style choice, to stay at home with your children - each and every one of the the 5 days a week that I sshlepp out at 6.40am leaving my 4 children behind through the tax I pay and the credits you claim.

What I am bitter about - is that even that doesn't seem to be enough for you - your concern is how to ensure that you will continue to be kept by me and others who work .... ie ."..will housing benefit pay my rent on retirement...? and will we lose the state pension if we invest in a private one.

theimposter · 10/12/2013 18:28

I find the whole thing very unsettling. We are both self employed and although DP is doing well I am seriously struggling. No way in hell I could put anything by for a pension. We have step kids and I think DP would like another child were we to get married but I have to say I feel desperately sorry for my nieces, nephews and step children as they are really going to struggle and it honestly makes me think is it fair bringing a child into the world when that child will potentially grow up in a negatively sliding economy with no prospects. Our family are all well educated but my siblings have struggled work wise also as the wages in our area by no means match the house prices and general living costs. Depressing.

Original poster
applejacket · 10/12/2013 18:42

apple, well done to you on taking the posts you have received with such good grace

thank you eleanor :)

OP posts:
Original poster
applejacket · 10/12/2013 18:48

and kitty your post before my last one made me feel i had to justify my situation. but clearly there was no point, i shouldn't have wasted my energy. so you just carry on being nasty and bitter (about your situation which is not my fault), and, until i return to work, i will think of you every time i put my feet up and have a coffee in the day, every time i have lunch with my other SAHM friends and every time i buy something with my tax credits

ha ha :o

OP posts:
Kitttty · 10/12/2013 18:57

Where was I nasty - I was just factual....

arethereanyleftatall · 10/12/2013 19:13

The last thing you wrote to kitttty was nasty op. Given that a 'thank you'd was more appropriate.

Snog · 10/12/2013 19:22

Anyone who has to live on just a state pension nowadays is struggling imo. And by the time we retire it is bound to be worth even less.
The govt would have us all work full time until age 70, OP and so you are very right to worry. How many of us will really have work available to us that we are capable of doing FT at this age?
Fortunately you are still young enough to come up with a plan to help yourself and not have to rely soley on the government. Start your own business would be my recommendation and take out insurance to protect your income in case of ill health.
I should follow my own advice too!

ParcelFancy · 10/12/2013 20:07

Mm, but read the small print incredibly carefully, Snog. Critical illness insurance has a poor record of actually paying out - although according to a Guardian article this week, it is improving.

But it still only covers particular named conditions, and two-thirds of claims are being for cancer - whereas I doubt cancer is two-thirds of all debilitating illnesses.

So you could pay thousands on the insurance and get nothing.

That's the point of National Insurance - it doesn't have exclusions.

grumpyoldbat · 10/12/2013 22:45

I see where you're coming from OP I've regularly felt the need to justify myself and what I've spent money on etc. Once in here I even found myself justifying why I pay my council tax of all things.

Setting up your own business sounds like a good thing if you have ideas.

YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime · 11/12/2013 08:05

apple - one thing that should motivate you is the phase of your life after children: what sort of job do you want to be doing then? because if you don't use your thirties well, you will be doing the worst paid, worst T&C jobs out there - if you are lucky.

you have a long time before retirement and I would be concerned about who you will be spending those decades before you get to retire. 45 -70+. and don't count on your DH's income being enough to provide for you both. the downwards pressure on wages is likely to continue.

I wouldn't count on buying your council house until the paperwork has been completed. and then you will still have a long mortgage to pay. and until that's all paid off, the bank own your home.

if you carry on with this approach every time i put my feet up and have a coffee in the day, every time i have lunch with my other SAHM friends and every time i buy something with my tax credits and you will be the one that pays for it in the end.

Original poster
applejacket · 11/12/2013 10:04

thanks for the advice youaremyfavourite - i agree re the council house, i am not convinced RTB will even exist for much longer, and also the thought of "owning" my house does scare me a lot because of the long mortgage and the possibility of losing it etc

just to re iterate though - i do plan on getting a job / working in some capacity sooner rather than later

if starting my own business doesn't work out though, god knows what sort of job i'll end up in though, i am not exactly a catch for any employer tbh, no decent qualifications and i admit i am thick as fook not clever. i am sure my posts on here make that obvious. i am nice though, honestly, thats got to count for something Confused

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 11/12/2013 10:23

In twenty years there will be loads of people like this and the system won't be able to cope. There simply aren't enough tax payers. There will be elderly beggars on the street and it won't matter how many degrees or books you have.

Which is why people should take responsibility for their own circumstances. I don't expect the government to keep me in retirement, I was able to see 20 years ago when I graduated high school that there would be less funds available and expenses would be higher and I started planning accordingly to fund my own lifestyle and retirement because you can't predict what the future will hold. Personal responsibility seems to be in short supply these days.

MILLYMOLLYMANDYMAX · 11/12/2013 11:17

Chipping how the hell has she only got £20000 in her house if she sells.

I am one of those that has an interest only mortgage. 100% mortgage when i took it out 15 years ago. I have paid nothing off it and the bank will take my house in 5 years, but next year I will be selling and the high 6 figures I have made on it less the original mortgage. Will more than pay for a house that will be a little bigger but in a cheaper location for cash.
What I cannot get my mind around is the fact in the last few years even if she had remortgaged you could only get 75% of the value of the house out. I am presuming that you live in a certain part of the world given your name, I know it well and unless she bought 20 years ago a tiny 1 bed flat and remortgaged up to the 75% of the value. I still cannot understand how she has only £20000 in the property.

Don't forget that with credit card debts and unsecured loans you can have the interest frozen and a payment plan sorted out. I would be encouraging her to sell everything that she doesn't need selling the place she is in and stashing the cash to buy something. Possibly a mobile home if she is that strapped for cash. I think she sounds like someone for who having cash in the bank and renting would be disastrous.

ActionA · 11/12/2013 11:21

*and kitty your post before my last one made me feel i had to justify my situation. but clearly there was no point, i shouldn't have wasted my energy. so you just carry on being nasty and bitter (about your situation which is not my fault), and, until i return to work, i will think of you every time i put my feet up and have a coffee in the day, every time i have lunch with my other SAHM friends and every time i buy something with my tax credits

ha ha*

What an absolute tosser.

Beastofburden · 11/12/2013 12:37

Midnite I am guessing you are from the US? (just because you say "graduated high school" :) ) I am completely ignorant of the pensions system there. How does it work, and do you think it is in better shape than here?

Heartbrokenmum73 · 11/12/2013 13:47

Tbh OP you lost any sympathy I had for you when you dropped that post about 'putting your feet up and having coffee with your SAHM friends' while someone else goes out to work for her family.

And I'm a SAHM myself! I certainly don't see myself like that. I've not worked in 9 years now because we were lucky enough to stay afloat (like you) but I've never taken that attitude towards others. I'm a single Mum now, bringing up three kids, and desperately trying to find work because it's bloody shit living on benefits alone.

But cheers for that stupid, catty little remark - nothing like painting SAHM's as uncaring fools, is there?

Chippednailvarnish · 11/12/2013 14:31

I have to agree with Heart.
People are offering well meaning advice to an OP asking about an area where women are particularly financially vulnerable.

Which to the OP has replied in such as way that has made herself look lazy and entitled. Just what the sisterhood needs...

MidniteScribbler · 11/12/2013 20:42

BeastofBurden I'm actually from Australia. At it's most basic, we have compulsory superannuation paid by our employers (9.5% of your salary currently, rising to 12% over the next few years). It goes in to a managed fund and you can access it as a lump sum upon retirement. You can also contribute to this fund yourself. There is a government aged pension which is about $800 per fortnight if you're entitled to the full rate. But quite frankly, the thought of living off the pension with what things are going to cost by the time I retire is pretty scary. So most people now are aiming to become what is known as self funded retirees where they live off their savings and income from investments.