Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

starting to feel VERY pissed off!

32 replies

urtwistingmymelonman · 09/12/2013 11:00

my baby girl is 12 days old.
I have been home from the hospital for ten of those days and I have had ONE poxy day on my own with her.
friends and family have been here almost constantly.
so much for getting my head down for a kip when baby sleeps during the day.
I thought maybe today I would have some peace but have received a phone call from the health visitor to say she is coming at half eleven and the midwife to say she is coming at half one!
these are people who should know better.
I just feel like yelling at everyone to feck off and leave me alone for 5 mins.
I have already had the midwife round twice.
I don't recall having this with my son nine years ago.
is this normal??!!

OP posts:

formerbabe · 09/12/2013 11:04

Yes it is normal and its bloody annoying. The midwives/hvs visits were extremely irritating and got in the way of me having a nap when my baby was asleep. I also felt obliged to get dressed and brush my hair and do the washing up.

Doingakatereddy · 09/12/2013 11:05

Oh yes, very very normal I'm afraid!

Bloody visitors came in waves every few hours when DS was born, still haven't forgiven BIL for his 3 hour visit the day we got home so we could 'look at the presents he'd bought'.

It will soon stop, but put your foot down with all repeat visits. I'm afraid midwife and health visitor are going to be late - they always are.

Have a cuppa, snuggle your baby - congrats, you have a lifetime together!

Original poster

urtwistingmymelonman · 09/12/2013 11:08

for god sake.
how long does it go on for?
babe has been cluster feeding for the past couple of nights which I have no problem dealing with but she can sleep for three to four hours during the day and ive got people invading my home constantly.

OP posts:

CoffeeQueen187 · 09/12/2013 11:09

Oh god I had midwives and HVs coming round every. Single. Day. For 6 weeks! (Including weekends)

I never got dressed it brushed my hair especially for them though. Who can be arsed when they've got a newborn?

Do your visitors ring before they call round? If so, just tell them you're busy or in your way out. Hopefully that'll buy you some time to sleep without having to tell them you just don't want them there.

I used to tell them they can call round if they like but they'll be sat on their own as me and baby will be asleep upstairs they just offered to come another day

Squitten · 09/12/2013 11:11

Sounds normal

However, why not pit your foot down and say no more visitors! Midwives and HVs are one thing but tell your relatives to back off for a bit and let you rest.

They can only invade if you open the door!

formerbabe · 09/12/2013 11:12

If your baby is asleep and you have a visitor, then tell them you're exhausted and going to shut your eyes for a bit, but they are welcome to make themselves a culpa and stay. I'd imagine most would bugger off!

EmmaLL25 · 09/12/2013 11:12

Next request for visitors just say politely you've had busy week and need some time alone as family. Friends /family should understand.

shoofly · 09/12/2013 11:13

It's normal but after ds2 (who is 2.5) & I were discharged from hospital the midwife came every day for over a week. She was fab - sent the odd unwanted visitor to make tea! It's the other visitors you need to tell to sod off.

The midwife who came after Ds1was born spotted the infection I had and was a gem. In my experience midwives and hvs were perfectly happy to find you in pjs - it was the other random visitors who I wanted to piss off. Have a cuppa and a snuggle and congratulations on your lovely baby.

moldingsunbeams · 09/12/2013 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AngelaDaviesHair · 09/12/2013 11:14

You can re-schedule midwife and health visitor. Why not do that and have a ban on friends and family, just for a day or so?

Original poster

urtwistingmymelonman · 09/12/2013 11:14

thanks ladies.
I know it will calm down but im starting to feel very resentful as these first few weeks are precious.
she wont be this small forever and I feel like this time is being stolen from me:(
I know how you feel doing.
had my cousin over with her three month old last Monday and she stayed for six hours.
her baby cried for four of those hours.
I could have cried the whole time too.

OP posts:

MammaTJ · 09/12/2013 11:15

Sounds normal to me too. We had two weeks in hospital with DD2, then four weeks of constant visitors. I did get my sleep when not worrying about her in hospital as she was being taken care of in SCBU for all but the last two nights. My favourite nights of that whole six weeks were the two she was allowed in out room with us in SCBU. It felt very special but we had nurses on hand should we need them!

DottiestDoris · 09/12/2013 11:15

I completely agree about the health visitors and midwives. I know they have to be there to spot problems but I do think the mother should have some say. When my son was born 7 weeks ago, I was also looking after my two year old as husband is self employed and couldn't take off much time. Midwife booked herself in three times in two weeks and on all occasions just gave me a date and said it was impossible to give me a time. I therefore could make no plans to go out, which with an active two year old is hell. Couldn't nip to the park, friends' or even the shop to get milk in case she turned up.
As for family and friends' visits, I think it is rare that they just turn up unannounced. Just be honest and say you are having a day to yourselves and could they come another time. I don't think many people would take offence at that. Most people expect you to be honest and say when is / isn't convenient. Congratulations by the way!

WhenSarahAndStuckUpTheChimney · 09/12/2013 11:15

I say this on all the threads like this.

Big sign on the door that says "Do not knock or disturb for any reason, new mum and/or baby are sleeping. This means all of you."

Put the phone on silent, answer any messages or requests with "no, that's not convenient" and if anyone does dare to knock after that, don't let them get a foot through the door. Send them away with a firm telling off for ignoring the sign.

I kept my sign up for days at a time when DS was small (and not so small, it worked for months and months and months )

Only1scoop · 09/12/2013 11:17

Bet you are shattered. My Dp and I had a no visitor rule for 2 weeks (other than mw hv) worked like a dream and will do it again.

AnAdventureInCakeAndWine · 09/12/2013 11:20

At least at 12 days the midwife should be signing you off if your daughter has regained birth weight. Then that will leave you the HV there'll be no need to see her again after today at all-- before Christmas if you have no specific concerns. Tell everyone else to sod off.

CrapBag · 09/12/2013 11:21

The problem isn't the HV and midwife, who are doing their jobs, its the visitors. You have to say "that's it now, I want some peace" and tell them when they can come again. Its ridiculous that you have had this amount of people there in such a short space of time. Tell then that that's enough and if they don't like it, that's their problem.

AngelaDaviesHair · 09/12/2013 11:23

6 HOURS!
Oh no. You may have to start being direct: tell people when they ask to visit to please stay no longer than an hour, and if they do then tell them you need to rest and they have to go.

formerbabe · 09/12/2013 11:25

I had one relative come over constantly with her FOUR kids! Wish I had had the guts to tell her 'NO'! Honestly op, just tell them!

melli · 09/12/2013 11:29

Oh dear. Its awful. These visitations can feel so intrusive. I was lucky in that my partner wad my advocate with regards to visiters, he would make sure I felt ok . And the visiters didnt stay to long. You should take yourself off to bed, it is yoor right !!(cake)

Original poster

urtwistingmymelonman · 09/12/2013 11:30

where are all these visitors at three o'clock in the morning?

OP posts:

Gooseysgirl · 09/12/2013 11:34

I learned my lesson first time round when one of my best mates (well meaning) stayed for the ENTIRE day when DD was only 5 days old. In the end I disappeared for an hour with the baby upstairs and texted DH saying that she was to be gone by the time I came back down, I didn't care how he managed it!! I totally blame myself for not saying beforehand just to come for an hour.. This time round we had all the family visits done and dusted in two days, all time limited to 2 hrs. DS is 12 days old now and will not be receiving any more visitors until further notice

MrsCakesPremonition · 09/12/2013 11:42

Presumably the MW is signing you off today? So that is one less.

Chances are you will never see the HV at home again.

Now you just need to get firm with friends and relatives. And keep the ones who visit busy.

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 09/12/2013 11:49

send an email out to everyone.

thanks for all your love and support, just wanting to hunker down with DD for a few days, will be back on it and look forward to seeing you in the next few weeks. But for now.. aureviour.

GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 09/12/2013 11:54

Use your words "Thanks for coming, time for you to go." Hand round jackets, open door, usher out.

They are being rude. Be rude back.

Flip

1 2