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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no he can't take her on holiday?

34 replies

Gcseworries · 09/12/2013 07:05

I am divorced. Ex and I have a flexible shared care arrangement which usually works pretty well. Because there is no court order it means that either of us have to agree to the other taking the kids out of the country

DD is in 4th year. He wants to take her to Florida at Easter. For two weeks. But to avoid dear times it means 4 days off school.

I know she's not 5th year but my gut says she needs to be in school.

Aibu or wibu to say no? she will hate me

OP posts:
Original poster
Gcseworries · 09/12/2013 07:06

(Am just about to leave for work so I won't be answering right away but I will be back later)

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 09/12/2013 07:07

Yes yabu. She can catch up / do homework on plane / whatever.

Let her go.

When you say 4th year you mean she's 15?

Original poster
Gcseworries · 09/12/2013 07:08

Yes. She's 15.

OP posts:
ZillionChocolate · 09/12/2013 07:10

Would school allow it? If they think it's acceptable then that answers your worries doesn't it?

roughtyping · 09/12/2013 07:12

Are you in Scotland? When are exams now?

UnicornsNotRiddenByGrownUps · 09/12/2013 07:23

YANBU Easter is a stupid time to go away right before her exams. Wtf is Dad thinking... Those days at school are crucial and some schools even do further prelims during class time then when the pupils are more prepared. When are her official prelims?

IDontDoIroning · 09/12/2013 07:28

Don't know the Scottish system.
Before you agree you need to know if there might be exams after Easter or revision classes either in the holidays or when they get back to school.

I think you really need to raise it with the school and ask them. Also you need to find out what the school's view is on absences like this? What is her attendance like otherwise?
Do they have the fines in Scotland for unauthorised absences?

Smoorikins · 09/12/2013 07:30

YANBU, exams are straight after. Could she maybe go once her exams are over instead? Depending on times there can be quite a bit of study leave once 4th year exams are done before highest etc are finished.

EdithWeston · 09/12/2013 07:30

No, of course a Year10 equivalent should not be taking holidays in term time. The school won't authorise a term time holiday, and I think it's fair for you to do the same.

LambinsideaDuckinsideaTrout · 09/12/2013 07:32

I think you should let her go. I had two weeks in Spain in my 4th 5th and 6th year of high school in Scotland so missed 10 days of schooling. If she's a good student with low absence as it is, no harm will be done at all.

Morgause · 09/12/2013 07:32

She should be revising over Easter and really shouldn't miss any term time.

Alanna1 · 09/12/2013 07:35

I think you should show him this thread later on when you discuss it. I'd say definitely not based on english system.

Pooka · 09/12/2013 07:40

YAnbu

School will not allow term time holidays. She will actually miss quite a lot of work taking 4 days off.

Original poster
Gcseworries · 09/12/2013 07:45

Not in Scotland. She will sit gcses next academic year.

OP posts:
HerlockSholmes · 09/12/2013 07:45

YANBU.

it's likely there will be easter revision classes and other things she may miss out on directly before exams.

if she absoluty has to go term time she'd probably be betterissing the start of fifth year or using the tail end of her study leave depending on when exams finish.

i don't think the school will authorise it at that time of year.

LambinsideaDuckinsideaTrout · 09/12/2013 07:53

Just ask the school and when they say no she'll hate them, not you.

OddBoots · 09/12/2013 07:56

I thought you meant she was in Y4 so in primary, going in the middle of a GCSE year when they will be doing at the very least mock exams would be madness. YANBU and there is a good chance the authority would fine both you and him if you did this.

HairyPotter · 09/12/2013 08:10

Do you mean National 4/5 rather than Gsces? If so, they are in May so taking time of in April is madness. And this is from someone who is taking her S4 dd out for Florida as well. We are going in October. Prelims aren't until feb with exams in may. Having said that, by next year she will be in S5 doing National 6.

Could waiting until Oct 14 be an option? It's probably cheaper as well. We are taking her out the week before the school week plus the school week. She will still miss 5 days but has excellent attendance so I'm not worried.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 09/12/2013 08:20

I agree with the person who said ask the school and wait for them to say no, makes it easier for you.

Original poster
Gcseworries · 09/12/2013 08:25

I have just replied saying "you will need the permission of the schools to take them out during term time. I will enter into discussion once you have obtained that permission"

So that's putting the ball in the court of DS' primary school and her school.

I hadn't actually thought of the permission of the school or the fines.

OP posts:
themummyonthebus · 09/12/2013 08:28

I don't disagree with any of the comments already made, but it should be your exH doing the legwork with the school - he's the one that wants to take her off on holiday then after all.

Point these considerations out to him then let him get on with it.

Screamqueen · 09/12/2013 08:29

No we don't have fines in Scotland.

themummyonthebus · 09/12/2013 08:29

X post- great response worries

MidniteScribbler · 09/12/2013 08:29

Let him approach the school. If they give permission, then let her go. You may want the brownie points in the future. If the school says no, then you can be all sympathetic and commiserate about the missed vacation days and still keep your halo intact.

IneedAsockamnesty · 09/12/2013 08:30

It won't just be him that's fined

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