To wonder why parents buy their children so many expensive gadgets

[frogspoon]

I teach in a private senior school and teach so many children who have or are getting iPads, iPhones, PS4, xbox one etc for birthdays, Christmas etc. Most of these children have multiple devices already, including previous versions e.g. PS3. Surely they can't play on them all at once, why do they need so many?

So why do so many parents spend hundred of pounds on gadgets, plus all the extra games etc, which except for the iPad have very limited educational value? I can understand the occasional very expensive present, but I would expect such a high quality expensive piece of technology to last a child for several years, and that if they are old enough to have the technology, they are old enough to look after it, therefore it shouldn't get broken.

One child I teach has two smart phones currently: a blackberry so he can use BBM, and an iPhone for apps. He is getting a new iPhone 5S for Christmas because he cracked the screen on his old iPhone, plus it is getting out of date. They seem to have no concept of how much these things cost, or how to look after them.

I just think it's getting a bit ridiculous.

I think YANBU. If nothing else it is far from environmentally friendly to be constantly upgrading your gadgets. They should try and get them to last a bit. If the relatives all have lots of money to spend maybe they could put more in their uni/gap year fund.

My 11-year-old niece has quite a lot of gadgets, mainly because her parents upgrade theirs quite often and she has the old ones. She has an iPhone 3, netbook, tablet, camera, camcorder and e-reader and wants an iPad, although I don't know if she'll get one!

however I also know that the particular child with 2 smart phones almost didn't return to school in September due to not paying the fees.

How do you know that the Blackberry wasn't a prior phone of the parents - perhaps they had an upgrade on their mobile account and were able to give the BB to the child?

Maybe a grandparent bought one for them? It isn't unheard of, you know.

Perhaps they got hit with a nasty financial blow right before fees were due and simply got caught unawares.

These things happen, you know. You sound awfully bitter - and almost pleased to point out this financial issue. But as you don't know the details, it might be best to be a bit less judgemental.

intit, I never said it was only rich families, or families from private schools.

I mentioned that it was a private school in the post, just so other posters had an idea of the section of society and income of the kids I am referring to. I have worked in state schools, and it is a similar situation, although probably not quite as extreme.

I think its interesting that all of you seem to revolve around what the child wants. Whilst this obviously bears some factor, surely what the parents can actually afford should override this. Should parents constantly go without anything nice themselves because their children want expensive things?

Also, if a child would like a furby and a tablet, do they really need both? If you just bought them the furby, surely they would still be happy that they got something they wanted?

(P.S. autocorrect does not like furby and keeps changing it to fury, so ignore any furies!)

Trigglesx, I don't know any of those things.

But I do know he is being bought a new iPhone 5s for Christmas from someone (presumably either a parent or a relative) despite the fact that he showed by breaking the screen on his old phone that he is not yet responsible to look after one properly.

Fees paid aside, those are the facts.

To make my kids love me
Seriously though who cares, we have so many gadgets it's like GAME in our house. If you have the money then I don't see the harm. Rules and regulations apply and they must all be off them by 9 at night. They sit with us and chat often and we go out and do stuff during the day so they aren't staying in and becoming couch potatoes.

Would it be different if they were spoilt with several holidays abroad each yr, including skiing in 5* resorts? 2nd home in Florida? Annual visits to Florida Disney? £1500 new cyclo-X bike when they already have 3 useable bicycles in the garage? What about nice jewellery or fully paid for driving licenses and a new car at 17? Why pick on gadgets particularly?

It's so hard when they keep asking for this stuff and all their friends have them. Also these gadgets go out of date so quickly.

We bought DS8 an Ipod touch last year and it's already too out of date to accept certain apps. That's really annoying.

He wants a mini iPad this year. We can't afford it and we've told him so but he still thinks Santa will bring it if he's a good boy!

lljkk, gadgets is simply the topic of this particular thread.

Several of the things you just mentioned I also agree with. But mentioning them would be going off topic.

It's not going off topic to me; it's all about possible over-indulgence.

FrogS is talking about privileged children who get privileges in many areas of their lives. Nothing special about gadgets when it comes to over-indulgence or privilege. Unless you think gadgets are especially morally degenerate, maybe?

Why oh why do these things bother people so much. I couldn't give a rats arse what anyone else buys for their kids.

you teach at private school you must know the parents are affluent with disposable income
I'm nonplussed,it's up to the parents how they spend their own money

Heath, I think it matters for 3 reasons

1. Parents who are less well off feel under enormous pressure to buy into these gadgets, going without things for themselves and even getting into debt to buy them.

1. Children do not appreciate the value of such items, and expect everything they want to be handed to them on a plate. They have very little concept of the value of money.

1. Children will eventually grow up and then get to an age where they start earning. Many will start off on a fairly low income and won't be able to afford to buy all the things they are used to having instantly. This will likely end up with dissatisfaction later in life, and may also lead to people getting into debt to continue to fund their need for the latest technology.

My teenager gets his tech, but he also gets science kits and books, lego, etc and it's the same for his younger siblings. There can be a balance you may not know about as you only see what they bring into school ?

I did have a slight wobble ordering them their new techy presents for Christmas, but it's the one thing they want. It will make them happy and we can afford to do it ( there's a limit of course !)

We're the same zombie they all have so many activities outside of the house so that they're not in front of the telly or a screen too much ( I have become the official family taxi driver ) we do/see new things and they love an interactive museum ...

They're not interested in 'labels' or fashion so that saves us some serious cash compared to other friends of ours.

They earn their own pocket money and when the eldest wanted an xbox our whole extended family all chipped in, he was thrilled and actually really touched as it's all he wanted.
He then puts his pocket money towards the games, I don't see a problem with that ...

I did have a slight wobble ordering them their new techy presents for Christmas, but it's the one thing they want. It will make them happy and we can afford to do it ( there's a limit of course !)

Will a gadget really make someone truly happy?

I think what actually is making them happy if that they feel loved and cared for by you, but they mistakenly associate this with the material goods you have given them rather than you yourself.

If you had a house fire, and all your things got destroyed, your children would care far more that you got out safe and well than that their gadgets survived. Because it is you who make them happy, not the technology.

Do you really believe some parents are incapable of saying no to endless demands
That they're so swept along by the parental herd and avaricious society they can't so no?
You know what as a responsible adult one needs to learn boundaries and saying no. I won't decline to buy my wean a ps because wee jonnie can't afford one. I will acknowledge we are fortunate in being able to gift they items we do

I went to a school like the one the OP describes. The children who were given the most 'stuff' had parents that didn't spend much time with them. Some of them didn't do very well emotionally as electronic toys don't make a very good substitute for a parent's time.

Do you really believe some parents are incapable of saying no to endless demands

Absolutely yes. The key word being some, as many parents are more responsible.

But some people clearly can't manage their money, and put their wants, or their child's wants above essentials.

I used to live with such an ex-friend so I have first hand experience of this.

She used to take out payday loans and go to pawn shops. She pawned her camera so she could buy an iPhone, couldn't get the money back in time and lost the camera. A few months later she did the same thing with her iPhone because she didn't have money for rent, food etc. She used to spend a lot of money on presents for her nieces, going without things herself. She also borrowed money from me, which I never got back.

So adults are very definitely capable of this.

Parents who are less well off feel under enormous pressure to buy into these gadgets, going without things for themselves and even getting into debt to buy them.

Not all parents - many parents are quite capable of saying no, I've certainly said no to my DCs loads of times. I've gone without things to buy something for my DCs, but that's my choice. If I choose to give up something so that I can save the money to buy something nice for my children, I don't see where that's an issue at all.

Children do not appreciate the value of such items, and expect everything they want to be handed to them on a plate. They have very little concept of the value of money.

That's more in the upbringing than anything IMO. I worked with a woman quite a few years ago that was only working because she enjoyed it - her husband made money hand over fist (in the top 3 of a major insurance company in the states). He regularly got bonuses in the thousands of dollars. Her children had a number of cool high tech (for that time) things and expensive items. But they were polite, intelligent, and well grounded - they never took things for granted and were raised by parents that taught them good values, including that of money.

Children will eventually grow up and then get to an age where they start earning. Many will start off on a fairly low income and won't be able to afford to buy all the things they are used to having instantly. This will likely end up with dissatisfaction later in life, and may also lead to people getting into debt to continue to fund their need for the latest technology.

Again, I think this is down to upbringing, not just "what they get growing up."

It is actually none of your business!

I remember DS2(16) coming home from his bog standard comp last year and telling me that one of his teachers had made a snippy, judgemental comment because she had overheard him saying something to his friend about his iPad. When she learned we all have one each, well DH's is a mini, her judgey knickers almost cut off her circulation!

We all look after our things. Our garage is full of complete sets of Lego and Playmobil from when our DC were small, the board games we have don't have bits missing etc.

I don't understand how you know so much about what your pupils have in their bags, at home, or are getting for Christmas. Aren't you paid to teach, not be a nosy Parker?

Of course not frog ! I can't really explain without you meeting my DC, us or seeing how we live. Just because we're a 'techy house' and we allow the children access ( limited mind !) to tech doesn't mean that it us the only thing to keep them happy. I honestly believe there is a balance in our household, lots of different things make us into a happy family.
As parents we are around, we're involved in their myriad activities, we are happily married, there is a lot of love and laughter and time spent together.
At Christmas and on their Birthday we ask what they would like, they asked, we budgeted, we can afford it, they will be happy with their gifts. I can assure you if there was a fire nobody would be thinking of the school iPad !

I don't understand how you know so much about what your pupils have in their bags, at home, or are getting for Christmas. Aren't you paid to teach, not be a nosy Parker?

I'm also paid to confiscate gadgets being used in the wrong way (pupils are allowed to use iPhones as e.g. calculators, but not take photos without permission) so pupils can concentrate on learning and not mess around.

So when I confiscated this kids iPhone (with a cracked screen) and he goes and gets a blackberry out of his pocket, I am flabbergasted! Hence my asking him why he needs two phones, and the revelation that he is getting a third for xmas!

Is that supposed to be poetry MrsDeVere?