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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my sister is a NASTY bitch and never, ever speak to her again?

52 replies

ReallyRatherFurious · 07/12/2013 14:27

Older sister by 3 years is going through the disciplinary process at work due to her taking excessive sick leave over a prolonged period.

She had a meeting last week to explain herself to her HR dept and asked me to come along for 'moral support'. She had her union rep with her as well.

Sister and I have never been close. In fact she did unspeakable things to me when we were children. She delighted in my mother's physical abuse of me (she was the 'golden' one) and the fact that I had to wear her cast off clothes and she was favourite. We have recently moved near her though and I agreed to go to try to build bridges with her as she is family after all Hmm.

Anyway during the meeting, the union rep brought up the fact that my sister has 'suffered greatly' with depression since the death of MY child 2 years ago and that is why she had taken so much time off work.

So basically without warning me or mentioning it to me at all, she has tried to use the death of my child to save her ass [anger]. I was in shock that this would be brought up and knew damn well it was a lie. She has never talked to me about DD's death, never offered me any support or comfort, never knew her at all.

I am fucking furious she would spring that on me and am sickened by her that I will never speak to her or see her again.

AIBU?

OP posts:
timidviper · 07/12/2013 14:30

How awful for you Sad That is manipulative and cruel of her and I understand your anger. She sounds like someone worth cutting out

Sorry you have had to deal with such shit

Caitlin17 · 07/12/2013 14:32

It will probably do her no good either. Unless you have a fabulous poker face you will have registered surprise which the HR interviewer will have spotted.

Did you say anything to her afterwards? She sounds awful.

Golddigger · 07/12/2013 14:32

I agree with all of it except the never speaking to her or see her again bit.

Ultimately, it is you and yours who will suffer for that.

charleyturtle · 07/12/2013 14:33

nasty bitch! your better off without her in your life by the sound of it.

MoreThanChristmasCrackers · 07/12/2013 14:33

OMG OP, until the last bit I thought nothing could be so bad to not want to talk to your dsis again, but this is beyond belief.
I am so sorry for your loss and sister or not, this to me has gone too far.
This is irrespective of the horror she was when you were dc, you don't need this in your life, so sorry.
I would have nothing more to do with her, but would lay the whole lot at her before you stop contact.

RubySparks · 07/12/2013 14:34

So sorry for you loss, it would not be unreasonable to stop contact after such thoughtless, self centred behaviour.

AngelsLieToKeepControl · 07/12/2013 14:34

I am so sorry Thanks

Yanbu at all. I was in a similar sort of situation where the death of my children was used to someone elses advantage and I have never uttered another word to them. It's a nasty, evil thing to do. It doesn't sound like she enhances your life in any way so I would just cut her off, in fact I would go one step further and write to her work telling them exactly what you said here, I know it's spiteful, but I would. I'm so Angry on your behalf.

Original poster
ReallyRatherFurious · 07/12/2013 14:40

When I told my mother she said 'well she needs that job' Hmm.

Work has already told her to resign or be sacked (local authority) so No, it did not help. I just cannot understand how she could try to use my pain for her own ends. I am just disgusted.

She has no children yet at the age of 35 as she has unexplained infertility whereas I have 3 and I have felt guilt about that Shock.

I am such a muppet to think she would have changed as she got older Sad.

OP posts:
LambinsideaDuckinsideaTrout · 07/12/2013 14:47

Christ, I'd cut her off.

Caitlin17 · 07/12/2013 14:47

Is there the slightest possibility given the fertility problem, that she could be genuinely depressed and your daughter's death is, no matter how irrational, caught up in what is making her depressed?

HeadlessHeadmistress · 07/12/2013 14:52

What Caitlin said. Also I feel very sorry for your sister if she has been ill with depression for 2 years and work are now sacking her because of it. That's pretty shit for her as well isn't it?

MrsDeVere · 07/12/2013 14:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ExcuseTypos · 07/12/2013 14:59

She may well be depressed, but using the excuse she did, without for warning you OP, was a horrible thing to do.

At best she's a immature and self absorbed. I won't say what she is at worst.

SinisterSal · 07/12/2013 14:59

Even if that's true she should have bloody warned OP. That on it's own it self centred and thoughtless to say the least

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 07/12/2013 15:01

WTH golddigger - why on Earth will the OP and her children suffer through not having such a self centred lying woman in their lives? Hmm

OP YANBU at all and you need to tell her exactly how out of order she was.

So sorry for your loss.

YouTheCat · 07/12/2013 15:03

That is bloody awful.

You lost your child and she uses that as an opportunity to garner sympathy at work to keep her job? Twat and I'd not be wasting my time or guilt on her.

Misspixietrix · 07/12/2013 15:03

Oh my gosh! And I thought my older Ds was a bitch?! Shock. I don't mean to sound mean but I'm dealing with something nowhere near as bad as you just aS similarly shitty. (can't go into detail as will be outed) and every time I bring up Dsis's behaviour. I had really really bad PND I still managed not to be a cunt to everyone I came into contact with. She should have forewarned you and shouldnt have even used your child in the first place IMO.

MrsDeVere · 07/12/2013 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Booboostoo · 07/12/2013 15:14

I expected this post to be some kind of exaggeration about a mildly annoying sister but boy is your sister awful! I am really sorry you had to go through this. I think you must protect yourself from her and never see her again.

intitgrand · 07/12/2013 15:28

YANBU The first you have heard of this should not be in the disciplinary meeting

DavidHarewoodsFloozy · 07/12/2013 15:30

Sorry is such an insdequate word for your loss.Thanks.

I don,t think I,ve read anything as hurtful. This I couldn,t forgive. To use the death of a child... words fail me.

Golddigger · 07/12/2013 15:32

Toffee. I dont know what WTH means, it is not on the acronym list.
The op would have festering resentment which is not healthy. She would not get over the anger.

MrsDeVere · 07/12/2013 15:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BabyMummy29 · 07/12/2013 15:39

YANBU at all - that is a very low trick to pull.

I'd have nothing more to do with her.

Golddigger · 07/12/2013 15:40

What if she was dying?
What if her child was ill?
What if her husband left her?
What if her child wants to keep in touch?

Never is a long time, and plenty of people come to regret this type of decision over time.