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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT buy new school shoes and make DS wear trainers to school for the next two weeks?

63 replies

InsanityandBeyond · 06/12/2013 10:00

DS (11) came home from school on Wednesday with the sole of one of his 4 week old shoes almost completely ripped off. The other shoe has a large hole in the side. These were his second pair of shoes this term as I had to replace the shoes he started with in September at half term as he had ripped the fronts of them off.

Both pairs were mid priced shoes. One pair was £30, the other pair £25. I know it's not the shoes as his twin brother's are a bit scuffed but not ripped apart. I also will never again pay more for that on shoes as it seems the more expensive they are, the less they last IME with this particular son!

All through primary, I was having to replace shoes every 6 weeks and I am now officially PISSED OFF! I am not buying him another pair that he will have scuffed by the end of the term so starts back in January in damaged shoes. I could also do without the expense what with 4 DC, DD's birthday and Christmas looming.

I have told him to wear his PE trainers which are black, heavy duty and in perfect condition!

His teacher has told him that he needs new shoes by Monday Hmm. I don't care if school are not happy and he gets told off.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 06/12/2013 12:58

Charity shop? Grab a cheap pair and tell him to change his shoes at break. I can't honestly think what he could be doing to them to fall apart like that.

greenfolder · 06/12/2013 13:01

buy him shoe zone ones for a tenner to last him through- they may last til Jan pay day.

my dd who is now 16 refused to wear proper school shoes and instead insisted from year 9 on wearing shoe zones. They were 6.99 a pair. to be fair it cost less over the term- they usually lasted a good 6 weeks.

NigellasLeftNostril · 06/12/2013 13:03

"Could you get a refund on a Christmas present you have brought him and use that Money and tell him what you have done"
are people really this mean?Confused
just front it out with the school and get him a new pair for the new term.

CreamyCooler · 06/12/2013 13:08

Not mean, but it's so frustrating when you have a child that wrecks or loses so much stuff. I remember when my brother used to do it and then DS3 did. It drives you nuts, it's often this week of the year when you have to make another trip into busy town.

somersethouse · 06/12/2013 13:10

My DD (5) just came home with ANOTHER pair of broken shoes (sports and running on the patio when not in sports kit, or supposed to be)

She is in white trainers until after Christmas and I explained why.

Drives me mad.

CreamyCooler · 06/12/2013 13:10

I couldn't send my son into school knowing he would get into trouble but he does need to learn to look after stuff.

Tapiocapearl · 06/12/2013 13:16

How on earth is he ruining his shoes. What does he do?

gamerchick · 06/12/2013 13:22

Personally I think they sweat battery acid and they just disintegrate.

Gileswithachainsaw · 06/12/2013 13:28

I used to deliberately try and ruin my shoes as I hated every lair my parents bought me Blush just saying.......

CreamyCooler · 06/12/2013 13:32

Giles you sound like a professional wrecker.

Gileswithachainsaw · 06/12/2013 13:36

Not really. The bloody things were always indestructible. And I had to wear them til the soles were all at the bottomand full of stones :o

Gileswithachainsaw · 06/12/2013 13:36

fail

Original poster
InsanityandBeyond · 06/12/2013 14:20

He breaks them by kicking walls mainly and pretending to be bloody bull charging around.

The last two pairs were men's shoes as he is a size 9 and a half adult size Hmm and were more grown up business style (uniform is business style) with long, square shaped fronts. Apparently he was trying to walk on the tips of them Hmm.

I think I will just leave it. A detention may do him good.

OP posts:
zeno · 06/12/2013 14:45

I think trying to walk on the tips of them means he needs to contribute to replacement himself and take the detention on the chin. Adult style shoes aren't made to withstand that sort of thing.

Ifcatshadthumbs · 06/12/2013 15:49

Oh well given his age and penchant for kicking walls Hmm I would not buy him another pair and let him suffer the repercussions at school.

nickeldonkeyonadustyroad · 06/12/2013 16:04

he definitely needs to pay for replacements. he is deliberately using his shoes in such a way that almost guarantees damage, and he is old enough to learn that it's not acceptable. these things cost money, which isn't an endless supply.
zo.
he buys his own shoes for the rest of the school year or he gets the detention.

mrsjay · 06/12/2013 17:07

I wold make him wear them if you can i wouldnt be rushing about getting him a new pair he is 11. or let him wear his trainers

Eggsiseggs · 06/12/2013 17:54

Am quite surprised at how many people feel the school are the enemy, having a go at parents in order to be petty.

Makes me feel sad that this is the bad experience some of you have had.

In cases of hardship, students will be given a note, or shoes will be provided. I know a number of teachers (including myself!) who have bought children shoes put of our own pocket. The school is not the 'person' in the wrong, your son is for not realising that it is his responsibility to look after things and respect both his parent and the rules.

It's not the crime of the century, but the school will be supportive and sympathic if you work with them. Maybe a bit if a bollocking from you, and a word from the teachers about thinking about how much money he is costing you and how unfair that is will help your little boy grow into a considerate adult Smile

We ARE here to help!

Original poster
InsanityandBeyond · 06/12/2013 18:01

Well he has come home tonight in a pair of brand new shoes! Exactly the same as the ones he damaged!

He said a teacher 'gave' them to him. I am now suitably guilt ridden that I will have to buy him a new pair tomorrow and will be returning the ones given to him back to the school.

Bloody hell, I am mortified Shock. I was trying to teach him a lesson but it looks like the school think I either can't or won't buy him new shoes!

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 06/12/2013 18:05

Keep them. They were obviously bought with him in mind. Get him some after the hols in the sales.

LEMisafucker · 06/12/2013 18:07

Their feet don't grow too quickly at that age though do they? Could you try and get a pair of DMs at an outlet centre? they may be £60 but you will spend £60 x 1 rather than £25 x 3, so cheaper in the long run. And just write the school a letter explaining the situation. I have sent DD to school (albeit primary) in the "wrong" shoes when her shoes have been knackered at the end of term and just mentioned it to the teachers, they ahve been fine.

Nojustalurker · 06/12/2013 18:09

If you can't afford to repair or replace the shoes until january just explain that to the school and then your child won't get told off.

How is he going through so many pairs of shoes?

LEMisafucker · 06/12/2013 18:09

ooooh, crossed posts, thats embarrasing Blush Nice of the teacher to do that but ooooh, i'd be mortified too

CreamyCooler · 06/12/2013 18:09

Don't know what to say. What a kind teacher he has. Will you offer to pay him or her for them?

Eggsiseggs · 06/12/2013 18:10

No they won't! Honestly, schools work very hard to balance keeping standards which benefit everyone, and understanding that we are dealing with kids who are adapting to responsibility.

How has he reacted?